Like I said, I thought Congressman Mark Foley was married. (He is single - and these A&F boys are probably the same age as the Congressional pages.) Still, I thought about married men who do similar things, recalling Sting’s song, “St. Augustine in Hell”:
“Relax, have a cigar, make yourself at home.
Hell is full of high court judges, failed saints. We’ve got Cardinals, Archbishops, barristers, Certified accountants, music critics, They’re all here.
You’re not alone
You’re never alone, not here you’re not. OK break’s over…”
(Actually the song came to mind after I posted the painting, “Dante and Virgil in Hell” - now that isn’t such a leap is it?)
Maybe it’s the fault of Abercrombie & Fitch? Maybe some married men really are bi-sexual? Or maybe they were homosexual before they got married and hadn’t realized it? If they did realize it, maybe they wanted to be straight and thought marriage would cure them? Maybe some recognized the disorder as nothing more than a temptation, and entered into marriage with the intention of living a good life. Or maybe it is just lust? Convenient lust.
St Francis De Sales writes about the sanctity of the marriage bed in his “Introduction to the Devout Life.” He says; “The marriage bed must be kept undefiled, as the apostle says, that is, it must be kept free from impurity and other filthy uses.” (This chapter would make profitable reading for couples.) This ought to be considered by couples who, although monogamous, allow pornography and other degrading sex acts to stimulate their love life.
I think in some cases a married man fooling around with another man sexually seems less grievous to himself than having an affair, with a woman or a man. It is quick self-gratification, often anonymous, with little or no emotional involvement. “No one gets hurt” as they say - and he really does still love his wife.
People such as George Michael, though openly homosexual, frequent public parks and restrooms to meet men that are often married with children. It happens more often than people suspect. It’s non-committal, anonymous genital sex. George Michael and his like, proponents of deviant behavior, insist it is harmless. The danger of being discovered adds to the thrill. It is not unlike addiction to pornography, in fact, the use of pornography often initiates the behavior. Certainly one most likely has the proclivity, or at least, curiosity to act out homosexually, but frequently pornography sets the stage, while alcohol or drugs many times supplies the fuel.
It is something so common even Oprah did a show on it. Mark Foley’s behavior isn’t that unusual for some otherwise heterosexual men. In fact, in this day and age, when homosexuality is so widely accepted, I just assumed Foley was straight and married.
As with any sexual addiction and grave temptation, prayer and frequent confession is the antidote. The counsel of a good confessor is so important in these cases, especially a patient confessor who can tolerate numerous relapses. I also believe a man who may have a tendency to be promiscuous, and can easily compartmentalize aspects of his behavior, needs education to correct his conscience. He needs to understand the sanctity of the marriage bed, while permitting nothing, not even evil fantasies to corrupt it. That is difficult in our “Desperate Housewives” oversexualized cultural decline, where pornography and anything else is permitted to enhance the conjugal act.
I should note however, I’ve known men with this proclivity for homosexual sex who have successfully reformed their lives, fell in love with a woman to whom they have remained faithful, while raising a good family. In a sense, I think it demonstrates heroic virtue to go against society and opt for the natural law and marry a woman. Some fellows cannot do this however, and it is better if they remain chaste and celibate - knowing they have brothers who suffer the same temptations. However, pray, pray, pray without ceasing.
Thus ends my Mark Foley trilogy.
