Abbey-Roads2

It was his own room. There was no doubt about that. But it had undergone a surprising transformation. The walls and ceiling were so hung with living green, that it looked a perfect grove; from every part of which, bright gleaming berries glistened. The crisp leaves of holly, mistletoe, and ivy reflected back the light, as if so many little mirrors had been scattered there; and such a mighty blaze went roaring up the chimney, as that dull petrification of a hearth had never known in Scrooge’s time, or Marley’s, or for many and many a winter season gone. Heaped up on the floor, to form a kind of throne, were turkeys, geese, game, poultry, brawn, great joints of meat, sucking-pigs, long wreaths of sausages,
mince-pies, plum-puddings, barrels of oysters, red-hot chestnuts, cherry-cheeked apples, juicy oranges, luscious pears, immense twelfth-cakes, and seething bowls of punch, that made the chamber dim with their delicious steam. In easy state upon this couch, there sat Holly Golightly, glorious to see, who bore a glowing torch, in shape not unlike a long cigarette holder, and held it up, high up, to shed its light on Scrooge, as he came peeping round the door.

Holly Golightly: “Dahling! Don’t be frightened! It’s Christmas! Oooooo! I love the new picture on your profile, much more dreamy than George Peppard ever was.” (Peppard starred with Audrey in the classic film, “Breakfast At Tiffany’s”.) “You do so look like Harrison Ford tonight!” Cooed the phantom who looked remarkably like Audrey Hepburn from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. In fact I couldn’t find one flaw - except I think today her blonde streaks would look much more natural. hairdressers blend everything so well today.

TN: “Is this another interview? Because I was so tricked in the the recent interviews I’ve done and I don’t want to be taken advantage of again!” I warned, quickly adding, “Aren’t you, Audre….”

HG: “Yes dahling it is me, or rather Holly…who’d you expect, Roz Russell? She’s much too old - all those diamonds - they’re tacky before forty ya know!” She said exhaling a large puff of smoke into my face. “Your interview days are over - we are so going to celebrate Christmas my angel!”

TN: “But you’re…er…dead…and you are so over 40!” I protested.

HG: “Not tonite Harry!” (She sounded so much like Kalista Flockhart, obviously referring to me as Harrison Ford! I looked in the mirror - oh my gosh! I look exactly like the picture on my profile - this is a magical night!) “Dahling - I’m Holly - Holly can never die - she most definitely is the ghost of Christmas present…now c’mon - let’s get going - I don’t have much time…” And she jumped down calling for Cat and we were off!

We found ourselves outside a club downtown - the Village in NYC - not Minneapolis; we could feel the music pounding, resonating in my bones. Walking into the club, the dance floor was filled - just like the old Studio 54 - everyone dancing with lite-sticks, the women all dressed up in lame and with glitter everywhere, twinkling in the strobe lights. Playing was the remix version of one of Janet Jackson’s songs, “Escapade” I think - switching suddenly to Toni Braxton’s “C’mon Over Here”, and then old stuff from Donna Summer - “Rumor has It” - on and on! Holly and I danced and everyone was watching us - I so forgot I was looking like my profile picture - with HER - in her “Tiffany’s” Givenchy dress! I never felt so hot! (Forgive me that lapse into vanity!)

HG: “Now, Mr. Nelson - I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes to stop being so fabulous!” She said laughing, throwing her hands in the air like she just don’t care!

Moments later we were in the back bar, and there was my dear friend Kelly with my other ‘club’ friends, laughing, reminiscing about when I used to be out and about with them and all the strange things I used to do…

TN: “Holly, they thought I was fun! They actually miss me.” Doing my Sally Fields Oscar acceptance speech imitation, I exclaimed, “They love me! They really, really love me!” Gaining my composure, I continued on a more sober vein insisting, ” But I can no longer be out partying like this. The stuff I used to do wasn’t very good….I drank too much, smoked too much…did ‘lines’ in the bathroom…it was fun - but I went home alone….and very, very sad. Sin isn’t really fun you know.”

HG: “Oh, dahling! Not when you’re doing it…but, my heavens, you’re absolutely right - what was I thinking - this isn’t the life for you any longer!” She said laughing and quickly adding, “I think you went to confession about 12 times a week at the time your friends are referring to - this isn’t the Christmas present we want for you.” She winked mischieviously, adding, “Although it was fun!”

Suddenly I found myself at my sister’s house, all aglow with my nephew Rob’s lights. All of my nieces and nephews were there. Instead of the horrible Elvis Christmas music I always heard at Beth’s house, they had lovely old Motown Christmas music playing, interspersed with medieval Christmas recordings, as well as Gregorian chant - with just a little bit of dance-trance stuff mixed in.

Everyone was laughing and watching old videos of myself doing and saying silly things. My sister Beth got tears in her eyes and said, “He’s such a jerk, but I love him!”

While my loving nephew Todd, who looks exactly like Kevin Kostner, with his wife Carey, who looks exactly like Heather - you don’t know who she is - but she looks like Catherine Zeta Jones - they lean over and hug Beth saying;

“Oh mom - don’t be sad - uncle Terry has a lot of issues - it’s not us! We know he loves you and misses you.”

I looked at Holly, tears in my eyes, “That’s my sweet nephew!”

Holly was drinking champagne and stroking Cat, looking up suddenly she said, “What?”

Instantly we were at the Lexington in St. Paul for the Company party - and I was being toasted! “To Mr. Scrooge!”

‘He has given us plenty of merriment, I am sure,’ said Keevin, ‘and it would be ungrateful not to drink his health. Here is a glass of mulled wine ready to our hand at the moment; and I say,”Uncle Scrooge!” ‘

‘A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to the old man, whatever he is.’ said Scrooge’s friend Keevin. ‘He wouldn’t take it from me, but may he have it, nevertheless. Uncle Scrooge!’

TN: “Holly! They were toasting me! And they called me ‘uncle’ - I think Paul said that - or was it Ann?” I said in complete astonishment.

HG: “Honey - they just said you’re ‘gay and light of heart!” Holly said laughing hysterically, still smoking her long cigarette holder - which was no longer lighted.

TN: “Pay no attention to any of that - they meant funny, Holly - not gay! Geesh! This is so not KQ!” (A local radio station that accuses everyone of being gay.)!”

HG: Laughing, “Oh! Harry! You remind me a bit of Doc - you know - Loula Mae’s husband who tried to get me to go back with him from New York.” Getting all dreamy, Holly’s eyes filled with tears, remembering her good-bye to Doc in the film, that wrenching scene in the bus depot.

Then Holly pointed towards Linda’s house, my dearest friend in the world. It was a loveless marriage she was in, Fred was in his room, while Linda sat alone in the living room, smoking - I have always told her that is why she has so many bags and lines in her face - oops - that’s Christmas future - sorry Linda…

TN: I shouted, “What is this? Why is she so sad?”

Linda sat gazing upon the Christmas tree with all of the ornaments I had painted for her and her mother, mesmerized by our Christmases past…

HG: “She’s never been happy without…er…y…”

TN: “But Holly - I entered the monastery and she agreed to let me go - then she got married - or, after a long time she got married. But she always understood I could never marry. Just as she understood I will always love her.” When I turned suddenly, albeit sadly, Holly was gone…And then…

Scrooge looked about him for the Ghost, and saw it not. As the last stroke ceased to vibrate, he remembered the prediction of old Jacob Marley, and lifting up his eyes, beheld a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming, like a mist along the ground, towards him.” - Dickens, “A Christmas Carol”

“‘Ding, dong!’

…enter, the Ghost of Christmas Past!

This is exactly how my interview started with Roesannadanna!

Roseannadanna: “So Mr. Feder, you been writing ta me for a long, long time! And now we’re doin’ this interview…”

TN: “I’m not Mr. Feder! I have never written to you! What are you doing in my bedroom?”

RD: “I’m doin’ an interview - Boy, Mr. Feder, you sure do ask a lot of stupid questions for a guy from Minnesota!”

TN: “I’m not Mr. Feder - my name is Terry.”

Roseannadanna wrinkles her nose, squinting, looks straight into my face, wreaking of garlic. Looking at her notes she realizes she has the wrong scrip!

RD: “I don’t know what the heck is goin’ on - I was supposed to visit Feder and George Baily - you’re not even on my list! Okay Mr. Nelson, let’s step back in time. Remember the Christmas you were on the toilet and you were singing “Here Comes Santa Clause” and your mom and dad were listening and you could hear them laughing and then you stopped singing because you were embarrassed. I mean pooping and singing - yuck! What are ya tryin’ to do? Make me sick?”

TN: “Yeah, that’s right, I was about 3 or 4 years old and I had a toy in my hand, thinking about Santa, singing my favorite Christmas song. I heard my parents say something, laughing - I thought my mom and dad were laughing at me. From that day on I never liked singing and never would sing in front of people ever again.”

RD: “You cried too - but you wouldn’t make a sound or come out because you never wanted people to see you cry. And then you pretended it wasn’t you doin’ the singin’. Whatz wrong with you?”

TN: “What’s wrong with you? What is with that hair anyway?”

RD: Ignoring my remark, “So you liked that movie then, “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”?

I was transported to Downtown St. Paul late one snowy Christmas Eve afternoon, going to the theater with my sister Beth and my brother Skip. Beth wanted to see “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” with Jane Russell and Marylin Monroe. We were the only people in the theater. None of us were happy, Skip was mean to me, but I can’t remember how, Beth wasn’t happy about babysitting. We left the film and it was cold and dark, still snowy…

RD: “Why did you go to the corner bar after you kids got off the bus near your house?”

TN: “We had to meet my mom and dad there. Then we went home to see if Santa came. We went upstairs with my mom and we heard someone in the living room and I could hear packages rustling! I was so excited and my mother peeked around the door, holding me back with Beth grasping my shoulders. I was shaking with excitement as mom whispered it was Santa putting our presents under the tree. she described everything so vividly - years later, I was convinced that I had actually seen him myself.

Gently pushing me back, I heard the outside door close and my mother finally let me tear into the room - the tree was all lighted with the presents under the tree and I even saw the wet spots on the floor from the melted snow! Santa had been to our house! I was ecstatic - it made the sadness of the movie and the bar disappear! And my mom and dad had their cocktails until it was time for midnight Mass, when they headed back to the corner bar.”

RD: “Ahwwwwww! That’s so sweet! See! You had nice Christmasses when you were little!”

Suddenly we were in a bar, it was Christmas Eve…I was drinking with friends from work, it was crowded. I was supposed to be at my parent’s house, my little brother Tim hadn’t seen me all year, Skip and his wife were going to be there, they hadn’t seen me for an even longer time. They were hoping I’d be there to save them from being alone with my parents, who would be drinking heavily. They were waiting for me to get there so we could open presents…

RD: “Whaaa - ya were drunk too! Just like the family! It’s disgustin’ - ya pig! Whatya tryin’ to do? Make me sick?”

TN: “I was only 20 years old - I was just doing what I saw growing up. I thought Christmass meant drinking and partying!”

I witnessed how a year or so later, I came to repentance and returned to the Catholic faith…while the Spirit showed me how my little brother, growing up with alcohol problems and depression, would continue to have difficulties with Christmas as well. And then she showed me my brother Skip, dying of alcohol related illness, alone, with blood coming out of his pores, his stomach bloated, his skin all jaundiced, not living long enough to see his last Christmas on earth…

It seemed I awakened suddenly, and Roseannadanna was featured on an ad for the best of SNL…I didn’t know if I had been dreaming or I had truly seen her ghost. I turned off the television and tried to go back to sleep…wondering if I might have kept Christmas better in the past…I finally fell asleep, wrestling with that thought, imagining more faces than those that had been shown me.