Conversion
The Conversion of St. Paul, Caravaggio
I’ve never had a special devotion to St. Paul, unless constant rumination of his Epistles counts for devotion to him. However, I do love the story of his conversion. St. Paul’s personality, like that of John of the Cross, is often misunderstood. As far as his personality goes - he was tough, perhaps provocative, nevertheless, I believe he was aflame with charity, love, compassion, and great humility. Brutally honest, challenging, argumentative, as well as sometimes critical personality traits do not mean a man is not humble, nor devoid of charity. One has only to remember St. Jerome.
This feast day also marks the day I entered monastic life, for a short-lived stay in the novitiate of a community of Discalced Carmelite friars. I discovered their life was anything but monastic. We had cocktails and cigarettes while watching television programs such as “Hawaii Five-O” at recreation before compline - that was in the early ’70’s. I went to the Fathers believing I was entering a monastic situation similar to that of the Carmelite Nuns at our Carmel in Lake Elmo, Minnesota. They laughed at me when I expressed my surprise and disappointment that their life was so different. They also wrote off the strict enclosure and observance of “my” Carmel as out of date and pre-Vatican II. Needless to say, I didn’t stay long.
After that, I tried the Little Brothers of Jesus, but found them a bit too “Marxist” - not that they were so much - yet it seemed so to me at the time.
Then I found Trappist life. I loved it. Something was off however…sort of difficult to pinpoint. As it turned out, the abbey wasn’t a healthy community, and it was good that I left.
After living for a month in a charterhouse, I was convinced I found my home with the Carthusians, yet I wasn’t allowed to enter…sort of like St. Benedict Joseph Labre - there was something in my temperament that wouldn’t do well, long term, in an eremetic lifestyle. I was so disappointed. After much time, I finally understood that my vocation was to be a simple layman, a pilgrim of sorts…a nobody.
Ultimately, I have understood this is what I am, a pilgrim, a simple Christian - which happens to be one of my middle names as well.
The feast of the Conversion of St. Paul is January 25.
