Conversion
The Conversion of St. Paul, Caravaggio
I’ve never had a special devotion to St. Paul, unless constant rumination of his Epistles counts for devotion to him. However, I do love the story of his conversion. St. Paul’s personality, like that of John of the Cross, is often misunderstood. As far as his personality goes - he was tough, perhaps provocative, nevertheless, I believe he was aflame with charity, love, compassion, and great humility. Brutally honest, challenging, argumentative, as well as sometimes critical personality traits do not mean a man is not humble, nor devoid of charity. One has only to remember St. Jerome.
This feast day also marks the day I entered monastic life, for a short-lived stay in the novitiate of a community of Discalced Carmelite friars. I discovered their life was anything but monastic. We had cocktails and cigarettes while watching television programs such as “Hawaii Five-O” at recreation before compline - that was in the early ’70’s. I went to the Fathers believing I was entering a monastic situation similar to that of the Carmelite Nuns at our Carmel in Lake Elmo, Minnesota. They laughed at me when I expressed my surprise and disappointment that their life was so different. They also wrote off the strict enclosure and observance of “my” Carmel as out of date and pre-Vatican II. Needless to say, I didn’t stay long.
After that, I tried the Little Brothers of Jesus, but found them a bit too “Marxist” - not that they were so much - yet it seemed so to me at the time.
Then I found Trappist life. I loved it. Something was off however…sort of difficult to pinpoint. As it turned out, the abbey wasn’t a healthy community, and it was good that I left.
After living for a month in a charterhouse, I was convinced I found my home with the Carthusians, yet I wasn’t allowed to enter…sort of like St. Benedict Joseph Labre - there was something in my temperament that wouldn’t do well, long term, in an eremetic lifestyle. I was so disappointed. After much time, I finally understood that my vocation was to be a simple layman, a pilgrim of sorts…a nobody.
Ultimately, I have understood this is what I am, a pilgrim, a simple Christian - which happens to be one of my middle names as well.
The feast of the Conversion of St. Paul is January 25.
January 24th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Wow, Terry. The older I get, the more I think I’m just a Pilgrim, too. I know I’m not called to religious life, and although a priest I know does think, then by default, I am called to marriage, well…I think you and I both know that some of us are called to be “orphans” for the Glory of God.
January 25th, 2007 at 7:45 am
Nobody’s a “nobody” -
Everybody’s a somebody…
I am sorry about your disappointments - I’m surprised that these places were as you describe - the one sounds like a frat house. I just don’t get it. Aren’t they strictly monitored?
Your personality is just fine - God made us each differently. As you have not turned from Him, there is absolutely no problem with how you show your devotion to Him as a layman. And, the fact that you broke off your engagement to join a monastery, to be “thrown out” as (was it St. Francis?) longed to be, is a sacrifice above & beyond, that hasn’t gone unnoticed.
Hope you’re feeling better…
January 25th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Terry and Julie, remember that Jesus loves YOU TWO, particularly!
I would recommend that those interested in St Paul read the historical novel, “The Apostle”, by Sholem Asch.
“A celebrated writer in his own lifetime, a 12-volume set of his collected works were published in the early 1920s, and in 1932 he was awarded the Polish Republic’s Polonia Restituta decoration and was elected honorary president of the Yiddish PEN Club. However, he was later to offend Jewish sensibilities with his 1939–1949 trilogy The Nazarene [Jesus], The Apostle [Paul], and Mary, which dealt with New Testament subjects. The Forward, New York’s leading Yiddish-language newspaper, not only dropped him as a writer, but also openly attacked him for promoting Christianity.”
I read “The Apostle” last year. It is wonderful. Asch was extremely knowledgeable about Jewish/Greek/Roman life at the time of Christ and the book is wonderful background reading to the people, places and events of the New Testament.
January 25th, 2007 at 10:50 am
I’m amazed Terry. Carthusians. Wow. I am reading an infinity of little hours right now about the order, I’m sure you’ve read it too.
Julie, I get that too. If you aren;t called to a religious life, then unfairly by defualt you must be called to the married life. Shame really.
January 25th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Kat,
The priest in question actually sees the single life as a “Vocation thus far inactivated”.
We discussed it at length, and I do think I’m called to marriage, but have to face the fact that in reality, I may be called to eternal singlehood. Fine, but I do see and understand his point.
And these days, it’s a lot harder to discern marriage because no one is looking to get married; they are looking to shack up for the sake of convenience and without the attachment that prevents them from having to live up to their decisions.
I want no part of that…so it’s single or married, and no matter what, God gets the glory.
For now, I’m single. We’ll see what happens.
January 25th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
http://www.deliverusfromevilthemovie.com/index_flash.php
January 26th, 2007 at 4:49 am
The story of a soul. Mercy upon mercy upon mercy. And know that you are surrounded by the compassion and intercession of “so great a cloud of witnesses.”
Still no internet connection here yet. I hold my soul in patience.
Love to you.
January 26th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Adoro (Julie): I can SO relate. But, I feel like I’m fine with my singlehood vocation if that is what God wants. And, that’s what it is really all about. I’d like to be married but it does not seem to be happening-possibly for the very reason you lay out.
Terry: I think you reach a lot of people through your job and your blog. I think this is your vocation.
annon: So, what’s your point?