Abbey-Roads2

Since the snow started in earnest this afternoon, and the roads were getting treacherous, I went to the vigil Mass tonight.  Good thing, as it promises to be worse tomorrow.  I also got my grocery shopping done and went to the drugstore.

I went to my local parish.  I haven’t been to a low-Catholic church for Sunday Mass for several years, I normally attend on Sundays at a high-Catholic church.  (I think these may become the terms of distinction after the Motu Proprio is propagated.  Although I believe this is what the opponents may fear.)

It is so not easy to be recollected in the Church I attended.  There was music, a bit more sentimental and schmaltzy for Lent - kind of like a ballad - I guess music is now permitted in Lent.  Before Mass, the pastor announced we were going to greet one another with the sign of peace beforehand, to preserve the more penitential aspect of the celebration.  He kind of did a Letterman style warm up - well, maybe more Regis - asking who was new to the parish, or visiting, etc. - I should have stood up.

Despite his saying we wouldn’t be greeting one another at the sign of peace, we did.  I participated - when people turned to greet me I responded, “You like me!  You really, really like me!”  Then I hugged them.  (Okay!  I just wanted to be hugged!)

Kidding aside, I think it is rather nice to greet each other, especially for the elderly or those who are alone.  Maybe not in the middle of the most solemn part of the Mass however.  I witnessed one woman nearly jumping over pews to greet others.  I was entertained by her enthusiasm.

Father began the prayers of the faithful referring to “God our Mother.”  Otherwise the prayers were kind of normal - the musical responses added drama.  During the Eucharistic prayer and Consecration, there was the tinkling of the piano as background music - it was sort of like a movie.  Glass was used for the Precious Blood - that always worries me.  Some people stood, while others knelt throughout the Eucharistic prayer - it must be optional.

I took Communion in the hand from a lay-person - ‘when in Rome’ - it is so awesome to touch the Lord!  I checked for particles, there were none.  When I arrived home I blessed my kitties with the fingers that actually held Our Lord.

As I entered the Church, I was grateful to see there was no sand in the holy water fonts - maybe it was because the fonts were removed, although the Paschal candle was in full view.  (That is called liturgical confusion.)  The obligatory barren fence-post cross was in place with a purple drape.  I thought they may have moved beyond that by now, it has become so cliche - that and banners.  It always strikes me as rather Lutheran - high-Church of course.

After Mass, I thought a riot had broken out, but people were just talking.  It was kind of hard to be recollected enough to make my thanksgiving, and I was afraid someone may come over to make sure I hadn’t died or something.  So I left, making my thanksgiving while I brushed snow from my car.

All in all, it was a good experience.  The priest was fully vested, his homily was excellent and very spiritual, and it was good to see families and elderly there, braving the blizzard conditions to gather for worship.  I was edified to see teenagers there with Christian t-shirts, genuinely participating in the celebration of Mass as they know it.

I realized we are indeed One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.  It is so good to step out of our paradigm on occasion, recollected or not. 

Photo source:  “Hallowed Ground” a wonderful blog with beautiful photos.

I still drive by my homeless friend Alex every evening on my way home from work.  He presents himself much in the same manner as the woman pictured above, only he is young and stands at the corner, his head bowed.

Every evening I drive by, ashamed that I do not stop, at least to talk or ask if he needs anything - what a stupid question that would be.  Ashamed I cannot do more for him.  Ashamed I can’t alleviate his suffering.

I am my brother’s keeper.  I’m responsible for him, and I have failed him.

My favorite saints are the ones who were sinners…and became great penitents.  The Blessed Angela of Foligno, St. Margaret of Cortona, St. Benedict Joseph Labre, and others, such as St. Catherine of Genoa and Bl. Charles De Foucauld, all did public penance, more or less.

Angela and Margaret went through the streets of their respective towns with signs of their sins draped about them, with a noose around their necks, bewailing their sins and hypocrisy.  St Benedict Joseph was a flea-bitten vagrant, mocked and derided, something of a ‘fool for Christ’.

I was thinking blogging during Lent could be that for me.  (Although, my writing can be foolish enough as it is.)

Last weekend I posted on the state of my soul in venial sin - well sort of - and people were disgusted when I illustrated it with a wound covered in maggots.  Folks, sin is disgusting.  Remember how Our Lord called the Pharisees white-washed sepulchres, a brood of vipers.  He did not mince words.  My saint friends were so illuminated, they were able to see how sinful they were, and wanted the world to know as well.

In our culture, we witness blatant sin all of the time, and call it entertainment, fashion, politics, or business practices.  Nevertheless, it is polished to perfection, often glamorized or slicked up and excused because of the excellent ’marketing of evil’.  We all know this.

I’m a big hypocrite however.  I get annoyed with others who gossip and back-bite, especially if they are discussing me.  It just happened yesterday.  A juicy piece of gossip was floating around the store, and I was disappointed that at the beginning of Lent, everyone seemed to be engaged in it.  I remained above the fray, virtuously avoiding any participation in the discussion.  As I was leaving work, someone asked me about the ’scandal’ and I told them what I knew - without batting an eye.

Was I trying to be nice?  To be a people pleas-er?  Was I happy that someone was talking to me and treating me as a confidante?  Was I trying to gain this person’s favor and trust?  Pretty much.

What I decry in others, I myself am guilty of.  I do the same things everyone else does.  I mock, deride, and judge others without seeing the log in my own eye.

I love those who love me, while desiring those who do not love me to at least like me. I’m seeking myself in this, rather than doing good to those who despise me for the love of Jesus; or more exactly, in reparation for having deserved such treatment in the first place.  Although perfect love is to do good for Love’s sake alone.

I judge others, hold grudges, and condemn and criticize freely, in thought, word and deed.  I do all of this to people who have little esteem for me, who couldn’t be bothered to give me the time of day - because I want them to like me and they don’t.  I want to be accepted and respected, esteemed and appreciated, even if it means committing a sin such as tale-bearing, gossip, or rash judgement. 

It’s all about me.  For one to understand one’s sin is so necessary in the process of conversion.  That is why fasting, the various sacrifices we make in Lent, and our good resolutions are so purifying.  Never more so than when we fail in our good intentions.  Our faults, and falls, reveal so much to ourselves, especially when we humbly acknowledge these and cast ourselves into the merciful Heart of Jesus with confidence and love. 

It seems to me we cannot trust in ourselves, but in Jesus who inspires and perfects our faith, who may allow us to fall, even at every step.  Therefore we should not be discouraged, neither by our sins, or failings in our Lenten ascesis.  Instead, offer the Lord the sacrifice of being displeasing to ourselves, and even others; offer the humiliation of others seeing our sins and faults, even though we keep trying.  Remembering, “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying.”

Hang in there.

“Thus says the Lord: ‘If you remove from your midst oppression, false accusations and malicious speech; If you bestow your bread on the hungry and satisfy the afflicted; Then light shall rise for you in the darkness…”  Isaiah 58

I’m certain I contribute to the oppression by my selfish self-seeking and self indulgence, and tolerance of evil in my heart.

I know I support false accusations when I pay attention to them or repeat them.  They are false because I cannot know other men’s thoughts or motivation.

I’ve discovered malicious speech arises as a result of my envy, jealousy, pride and self-righteousness, which perpetuates the oppressive effects of evil.  (Little Jesus, of my sins repent me.)

Thankfully, in today’s Gospel, the Lord proclaims:

“Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do.  I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but sinners.”  Luke 5

I was on the phone for four hours last night with Qwest MSN support - I almost threw the lap top out the window.  Then the guy hung up on me, and never called back.  I was patient and cooperative, friendly and nice - as was the tech in Seattle, I’m sure he was at the end of his shift and just decided to leave.  I cannot recommend Qwest MSN for anything.  I’m going to switch servers.

So anyway - if you need to contact me, message through comments on this blog.  Thanks.