Abbey-Roads2

Where is Michael?

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1. Michael Says:
   March 27th, 2007 at 2:51 pm

   Wish I were there, but I am still here. I had to take a little break from blogging. I hit some bumbs in the road, but I think I am back on track. I just got caught up with your posts. I left off about the time you were sharing your conversion story, in “The Invited”. That left quite an impression, and really resonates with my own story. I would like to share a couple comments.

   “Because my conversion was so intense, my experience so real, I had difficulty accepting the Eucharist - or so I said. (Although I always wanted to be in it’s presence - I was dumb.)” - This was & is so true for me. I have always had a reverence for the Blessed Sacrament, even when I had doubts about what to believe and didn’t feel worthy to receive communion. I hope to literally die in front of the Blessed Sacrament some day. Did I get that idea from Archbishop Sheen? I figure that the more time I spend there, the odds increase that I might get my wish. I too grew up with 40 hours devotion, which I simply loved, and now I go from church to church looking for the Blessed Sacrament.

   “After returning to our pew, I was absorbed in the most profound recollection, immediately I understood that I had just received the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ.” - I had an interesting experience in the past few months. I was staying at a famous Abbey, and had a regular place in the choir. After Terce on Sunday we walked to our places near the altar. At the very beginning of mass, the Abbot was sitting behind the altar, a dozen concelebrants on the sides, and all of the monks around me. Everything became a total blur and I became aware only of a figure standing at the altar. It was Christ. Christ, as he must have stood before Pilate. In an instant I became truly aware of what we were about to do, after 2000 years of continuous enactment of the sacred Mystery.

   It’s likely there is a medical explanation for this. I have been through a couple surgeries, radiation, one year of chemo, and still on many drugs. I tried to wean off the most of the drugs while in the monastery. I also didn’t sleep, maybe a couple hours a night - partly my dumbness in forgetting to get prepared for sleeping on a board. So, I was probably semi-conscious. (But, I was so happy to be in choir seven times a day, and so very anxious for each Vigils at 3:15!) The other thing is that this Abbot strongly remembles some hollywood depictions of Pilate. And I read Anna Katherine Emmerich too, more than thirty years ago, so the vivid imagery has stayed with me. This episode, whatever it was, seemed as real as anything I have consciously experienced in my life.

   I pray that a couple of the monks will come to believe what I believe - that all things are possible with God - and against all odds I can be invited to take my place there in the choir.

   I have had a similar devotion to St. Joseph. I have a relic of St. Joseph, given to me by a dear friend thirty years ago, just before she died from cancer. I guess it’s supposed to be a third class relic, the kind in the little metal bottle cap thing; the only one I have. I don’t have a clue how it’s supposed to have been authenticated, but I have kept it as a treasure of a special friendship, even through many years when I thought I was agnostic.

   “Never, ever, think you have arrived in the spiritual life - and since you seem to be free from the sins of the flesh you have therefore “made it” somehow. The devil wants us to believe that. I know there is a Pharisee lurking within me, looking down on some Publican who may not have made it to church yet.” - This beautifully sums up the spiritual life, doesn’t it?

   I am sorry to hear of your loss of regular employment. I will pray for that situation, especially since you have a medical condition. I think I shared that I have had a serious health issue in the past couple years, and have survived cancer, but insurance has paid something like 400K. Btw, what was the controversial topic on the Missal blog?

   Did you get to see Into Great Silence???

   What’s the story of this awesome painting? I usually attend early mass in a small chapel with a dozen Franciscans. (No Benedictines of any persuasion in this city.) I lit a candle for you, yesterday, in front of a first class relic of St. Anthony.

   Hope you find this. Feel free to delete it, after you have read it.

   Regards, Michael

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