Abbey-Roads2

Spy Tuesday - I forgot!  It’s Wednesday!  ( or Alzheimers Tuesday!) 

(My internet is down so I cannot post, but here I am, doing a word document for today. Yet I realized after I posted this that my mistake of  today as being Spy Tuesday is actually tomorrow, which is known as Spy Wednesday!   At any rate, this “Spy” thing is too good to let go by without comment - even if it’s a day early.)

Betrayal

Tomorrow is called Spy Wednesday, so-called because the readings deal with the betrayal of Christ by Judas, who is back in the news these days on account of of a new book seeking to exonerate him of his guilt - I haven’t read it but I know the argument. Peter betrays Jesus, yet repents when Jesus looks at him; so why didn’t Jesus give the same grace to Judas? Instead he dips the bread into the cup, hands it to him, and tells him to go and do what he must do quickly. We can dismiss it as a mystery and move on, or we can think about it, and peel back the layers of meaning. The easiest way to think about it is to recognize the two characters of Peter and Judas.

Peter, though a simple man, may have been convinced of his self-righteousness at times, and maybe a little presumptuous concerning his fidelity, loyalty and valor. Yet his natural disposition suggests he was a good and honest man, who genuinely loved the Master. Aware of his sinfulness, he had enough confidence in Jesus to protest, “Leave me Lord, for I am a sinful man.” His faith was strong enough for him to venture to walk on water to meet Jesus, only crying out when his faith faltered and he began to sink, crying out, “Save me Lord!” He loved the Lord so much he couldn’t accept the prediction of the passion, only to be rebuked by the Lord for his lack of understanding. In other words, Peter was sincere of heart, he was a just man through and through.

 On the other hand, everything in scripture suggests Judas was a man of double heart, he was ambitious and dishonest. Though an apostle, he was not faithful - perhaps he had the dogmas correct, but lacked the faith they demanded. It is said he stole from the treasury, yet he hypocritically protested Mary anointing Jesus’ feet with expensive ointment. Jesus knew his heart however, and we may expect that many of his parables and teachings, and warnings to the disciples to beware the yeast of the Pharisees, probably taught these things in the presence of Judas, indeed, eliciting a look from Jesus to Judas - a look very similar to the one Peter received after his denial of Christ.

 In other words, Judas received just as many chances, perhaps even more than Peter, to repent and understand the mission of Christ, and to follow him. It is rather frightening to think that one who was a companion and intimate friend of Jesus could betray the master so callously. Peter did so, and repented. Judas did so, and was impenitent.

 Hypothetically we know a person could live a virtuous life, a very holy life, and yet if he committed one mortal sin, and died unrepentant, he would be damned. However, it would be unlikely that a person of genuine piety would do such a thing, since we prepare for our end, in most cases, by how we live our lives. It is more likely that a sinner who lived a disordered life all of his life would experience a deathbed conversion than for a devout person to reject God through mortal sin at the end of a faithful life.

Justice and mercy

When we look at the good and bad thieves who died with Jesus, we see the example of a repentant soul able to accept the mercy of God, while the hardened soul rejects love to his face. It seems to me, besides a matter of grace, it is a matter of disposition of heart, one’s openness to truth and love. The bad thief was perhaps like Judas, proud, hard of heart, self-seeking, angry, rebellious, greedy; while the good thief was more like Peter, sincere, compassionate, humble, and open to the truth, despite his human failings.

Nevertheless, we cannot trust even in our good works, much less our sincerity, prayers, or our virtuous life. Our confidence must be in God alone - in His grace and mercy. For even Adam and Eve, who were instructed by God, and lived in intimacy with God, were able to sin, thus losing Paradise.Having said all of this, it remains a mystery of God’s grace and mercy, something we either accept or reject - the choice is always ours.

Thinking of Jesus

Although Spy Wednesday inspires us to look into our own hearts and examine our own fidelity to Christ, rather than condemning either Judas or Peter, we are also invited to contemplate Jesus, and the betrayal he endured. How deeply his heart was wounded to know his love was rejected - that he was betrayed by his closest friends.

Psalm 55 gives us so much insight into the Heart of Jesus at this moment:

“My heart is stricken within me, death’s terror is upon me, trembling and fear fall upon me and horror overwhelms me.For I can see nothing but violence and strife in the city.