Choice and Consequence
Painting: “The Dream” ( of St. Joseph), George Tooker
Choice
On her feast day, I pondered the life of St.Mary Magdalen de Pazzi, particularly the vision of Our Lord offering her to choose between a crown of thorns or a crown of roses. It was her choice to choose either a crown of thorns, which represented abnegation and suffering in the spiritual life, or that of a crown of flowers, which represented a spiritual life of consolation. I couldn’t help but marvel. Not that she chose the crown of thorns, (They all do that - saints I mean.) albeit Our Lord seemed to tempt her with the crown of roses, but I marveled that later, she was tempted to regret her choice. No wonder, I believe she went through 5 years or so of incredible, unrelenting spiritual darkness, and assaults of the demon - without any consolation, not from Our Lord, nor from any self-assurance that she was achieving anything.
(For “normal” persons, this can be equated with spiritual aridity, believing without the consolation of faith as it were, professing one’s faith without ‘feeling’ it - going through the motions, so to speak. The assaults of the demon may be interpreted as temptations, alienation and abjection, while experiencing one’s imperfections and faults, etc. - in some cases, a continual spiritual battle of sorts, sometimes even suffering grave wounds, quickly healed in the Sacrament of Penance. Nevertheless, all the while never ‘feeling’ any relief or consolation in the darkness.)
It is so easy to make generous offerings and heroic choices when bathed in the sweet consolations that sometimes accompany our prayer. Think of St. Peter, insisting he would follow Our Lord to death, and yet pressed in the fearful, hostile atmosphere of that night when Jesus was taken from him, his spiritual edifice collapsed and he denied the Lord 3 times. He sinned, mortally, gravely, when he denied Our Lord…not once, but 3 times. After the Ascension, Peter exhibited the same pusillanimity of spirit and had to be rebuked by St. Paul.
Consequence
Have you ever read Fr. Ciszek? I’ve read his book “He Leadeth Me” about 8 times over the years, and it always has something new to say to me. Mary Magdalen de Pazzi’s regret reminded me of Ciszek’s experiences in a way. While he was in the Soviet prison of Lubianka, he found great consolation in his solitary confinement, later calling it a contemplative experience. When he was exiled to Siberia, he was thrown in amongst the most ruthless and dangerous criminals. At first, he was unable to pray, to practice the recollection he enjoyed in the Moscow prison while in solitary confinement. He had never been exposed to such evil. In these loathsome conditions he experienced a mortal fear and confusion of spirit, as well as abandonment. He wrote:
“I realized almost immediately that I was asking the questions, raising the doubts,that I had promised not to ask in abandoning myself to the will of God. And I realized too that it’s one thing to give up such doubts and questions in a moment of grace and inspiration and spiritual insight, but another thing to prevent them arising spontaneously when the harsh and rough circumstances of a moment of daily life drives from the mind everything except thoughts of here and now.”- Walter Ciszek
When we resolve to follow Christ along the narrow way, when we give ourselves to cling to him in prayer - that prayer which is faith, hope for what is unseen, in love that is not felt; eventually the time may come when the bottom falls out of the sure footing we imagined for ourselves. “When you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials.” (Is that from Sirach?) Anyway, in today’s Gospel, Our Lord guarantees many good things for those who leave everything to follow him, and yet he kind of “slips in” that other reward, “and persecutions beside.”
Walter Ciszek lived through 23 years of unimaginable suffering in Soviet prisons, without any experience of lofty contemplation, transports or raptures, no visions, nothing extraordinary. It was as if he lived in hell on earth. His life is an astonishing testament and witness of faith, a perfect example of living the way of abandonment to Divine Providence. In one section of the book he writes:
“I thought again and again of the text: ‘The children of this world are wiser than the children of light.’ …The challenge seemed plain. Could my sacrifice, could my total dedication, could my stamina in doing the will of God be less than the children of this world? They knew that in order to survive a long sentence a man had to face and conquer one day at a time. …Each day to me should be more than an obstacle to be gotten over, a span of time to be endured, a sequence of hours to be survived. For me each day came forth from the hand of God newly created and alive with opportunities to do his will. For me, each day was a series of moments and incidents to be offered back to God, to be consecrated and returned in total dedication to his will. That is what my priesthood demanded of me, as it demanded of every Christian.”- “He Leadeth Me”
Trust in God…trust means abandoning oneself to His will, His Divine Providence.
May 29th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Your comparison here is quite striking. I appreciate how you link these amazing people (who are totally different in every physical and earthly way) together.
It would seem to the casual observer that St. Mary Magdalene di’Pazzi and Fr. Walter Ciszek have nothing in common, but you point out their most important and unifying aspect - that they both yearned only to do God’s will.
While St. Mary Magdalene de’Pazzi swooned in ecstacy, Fr. Walter was met with tortous electric shocks and psychosomatic drugs. And, while Saint MMDP lived alone in the dark night of aridity within her Carmel being chased by demons, Father Walter was in his own dark night in the freezing tempatures and dimness of artic light battling demons who took their shape in the form of the most hardened criminals.
To read the books Father Ciszek has written about his experience are amazing. His determination to do God’s will is heroic indeed! I first read With God in Russia and I could hardly get through the book. The brutality of it was almost too much. In fact, I put it down for a few months before finishing it. I was very glad to have done so. However, the book you mention, “He Leadeth Me” is a spiritual classic as far as I’m concerned.
Thanks for your post!
May 29th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
You reminded me of one of my favorite testimonies about Elizabeth of the Trinity.
Mother Marie of Jesus recounted Elizabeth saying:
“When I lie down on my little bed, I imagine I am climbing onto my altar and I say to Him: ‘My God, do not hesitate!’ Somtimes anguise comes, but then I very quietly calm down and tell Him: ‘My God, that does not count.’”
This always comforts me, because even though she was going through such a great trial, I find myself saying the same thing, “That doesn’t count…let me try again!”
May 29th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
nab - yes, “let me try again” that is how we become saints.
Sabeth was very right.
May 31st, 2007 at 11:52 am
It could be too, that in choosing the crown of thorns, she understood (as many did in those days) that choosing less consolation and sweetness equaled more merit for heaven. When St. Bernadette was suffering an unimaginable death, a fellow sister offered to pray for her, that God would grant her consolation. St. Bernadette’s reply was, “No! No consolation! Suffering is good for heaven!”