Abbey-Roads2

When you are found out.

When you’re down and they’re counting
When your secrets all found out
When your troubles take to mounting
When the map you have leads you to doubt
When there’s no information
And the compass turns to nowhere that you know well - Sting

Have you ever been embarrassed at being caught in a lie?  Or worse, someone witnessed you committing a sin?  While the one who witnessed it - or found out about it, told others?  Or if you may have led a sinful life in the past, yet repented and now try to live a devout life, have you ever felt bad that people don’t realize you are really a good person?  Sometimes, especially if your reputation precedes you, people may be stand-offish, or continue to mistrust you, or continue to discuss your past - anything but esteem you.

That happened to St. Margaret of Cortona.  She was mistrusted and had to wait about three years before the Franciscan Fathers would even consider admitting her to the Third Order of St. Francis.  (Her own family and friends never did accept her back.)  Later she was accused of falling back into a sinful life, though she hadn’t.  Many saints were accused of sins they didn’t commit.  On the other hand, saints like Angela of Foligno wanted everyone to know about her sins.

Pride and prejudice.

Nevertheless, pride sometimes inclines us to seek just a little bit of honor and praise for our turning from sin to grace.  Or at least, it inclines us to desire that we receive the same respect and esteem as anyone else is due.  We can’t bear to have people misunderstand us, we want to be liked and appreciated - it is in our nature to desire this acceptance, and not simply pride.

Most of us have heard that others have criticised us at one time or another, some of us may have been the object of calumny, gossip, and even scorn and contempt.  Our nature bristles against it - we immediately desire to defend ourselves and demand the respect we deserve.  It is extremely difficult to bear criticism or gossip without feeling hurt and angry, along with the desire to rehabilitate our sullied reputation.

Reasons for humility.

I was reading Tanquerey again, this time on humility, he writes:

“I am a sinner, and as such I merit contempt, all the contempt it may please God to heap upon me.  To convince ourselves of this, it suffices to recall what we have said about mortal and venial sins:

If I have committed but a single mortal sin, I have merited eternal humiliation, since I have merited hell.  True, I entertain the hope that God has pardoned me, yet it remains none the less true that I have criminally assailed the majesty of God, that I have attempted a species of deicide, perpetrated a sort of spiritual suicide, and that in order to atone to the Divine Majesty for that offence, I must be ready to accept, nay, even to wish for every possible humiliation, every slander, every calumny, every injury, every insult.  All of this is far below the just deserts of him who has offended a single time the infinite majesty of God.  And if I have offended against it a great many times, what must be my resignation, nay, my joy, when the occasion offers to expiate my sins by enduring a shame but lasts for a short time.” - The Spiritual Life

After Communion, I looked over my life, the times I’ve sinned - and I mean seriously sinned, as well as the times I pissed people off - times so numerous I can’t begin to tell.  And yet I rebel and grow angry with those who gossip and scorn me, and call me a hypocrite, a scoundrel, or whatever some may have said. 

Wow!