The other guy I forgot…Matt Talbot
His life in brief.
He died on Trinity Sunday, on June 7, 1925. Dropped dead on the street. At the hospital it was discovered he had metal chains embedded in his waist. They were a sign of his devotion to Our Lady according to St. Louis De Montfort’s “True Devotion”. He was identified as Matt Talbot, a common laborer living in Dublin.
Though a simple man, Matt became friends with a priest or two from Trinity College.. They would get together and talk about spiritual things. Otherwise Matt was pretty quiet, keeping to himself. He prayed much, and read much. He gave away most of his weekly earnings to the missions and the poor.
He came from a working class Irish family and took to drink in his youth, wasting his money and time in the pubs, which led to his alcoholism. One day, to his mother’s surprise, he took the pledge, and found his strength in devotion to Our Lady, daily Mass, long hours before the Blessed Sacrament, fidelity to the duties of his state, and frequent fasts - he was in many confraternities but made profession in the Third Order of St. Francis. People gradually realized he was holy, but they left him alone. He never married, once explaining to a young woman Our Lady told him not to.
[So how did I do with an off the top of my head biography?]
His patronage.
He is declared Venerable and therefore one may pray to him. His beatification seems to be delayed since most of the miracles attributed to him are considered ‘moral’ miracles and not physical. He has helped a lot of people struggling with alcohol and other addictions to change their lives.
He is a wonderful patron for anyone who lived in sin, especially those with alcohol and substance abuse problems. Because he was single and embraced celibacy, I would think he might be a special patron to single men as well. After reading a few emails from men in Courage, it occurred to me Matt would be especially helpful to these folks.
His formula for sanctity accords with what I know of the Courageprogram. His addiction to drink may be said to parallel many in the gay community, who frequent the bars, using alcohol and drugs. (No- all gay people are not alcoholics, so please don’t think I am saying that here.) I believe Matt would understand that sense of alienation and shame some gay people say they experience. (What penitent wouldn’t?) And he is surely a manly, sturdy example to inspire a person to accept the loneliness gay people seem to experience in an unique manner. (Studies and anecdotal evidence suggests acting out is often a result of an intense loneliness. Examples would include auto-eroticism as well as anonymous sexual encounters.)
A moral disorder.
In his day, alcoholism was considered strictly a moral disorder, whereas today, it is generally considered to be a physical, or psychological disorder. This view developed because of studies which demonstrate the alcoholic often acquires a physical dependence accompanied by physical cravings, while there is often a psychological or emotional element the addiction masks.
The drunk was repulsive to respectable people, who regarded him as a wastrel, a degenerate, someone not to be trusted. Even after “going on the wagon” most people refused to trust the drunk. Much later in his life Matt advised his sister, “Never look down on a man, who cannot give up the drink - it is easier to get out of hell!”. Nevertheless, people did look down on them, even while they were trying to stay sober.
Hate the sin - love the sinner.
Today, many people who are gay - even if they are struggling to live in obedience to the teachings of the Church, as those folks in Courage do, frequently experience an attitude they define as bigotry. Active gays are still the best people to hate - or at least that appears to be the case on many blogs - especially when you read the comments people post. Sadly, it also seems to be acceptable to lambast those misled by dissident clergy, who believe monogamous relationships between same sex couples is okay. This category of gay people, though disoriented from the truth, are often treated with angry contempt. Sometimes these souls can simply be ignorant of the truth, deluded in the faith, due to bad catechesis, as one blogger suggested on her post today. (Of course, I’m not referring here to militant gays, those who attack the Church, and express contempt for Her teachings and the Magisterium. In the face of such open hostility, the Catholic must stand firm, while defending the teachings of the Church.)
On the other hand, penitents with SSA, not excluding those in Courage, say they continue to experience themselves as outsiders. They sometimes feel as if they’re wearing an invisible scarlet letter (”S” for sodomite) in the eyes of many church people. I suspect that is why I get email comments from SSA people instead of comments on a post, because they don’t want to be attacked.
Understanding the difficulty.
Matt Talbot explained to his sister that it was easier to get out of hell than for an alcoholic to overcome his addiction. I believe the same can be said for those trying to stop using drugs, as well as those who are emerging from a disordered life in gay culture - which often included difficulties with drugs and alcohol. It seems to me, one of the most difficult aspects of change for the person with same sex attraction must be that secular culture more or less approves of the lifestyle - it has become acceptable behavior - and increasingly, protected behavior. The literature, the legal system, along with politicians, the professions, including dissident clergy, generally all affirm the lifestyle as normative.
For a gay person to return to the Church, embracing Her teachings, while striving to live a devout celibate life, I believe it must require a degree of heroic virtue, not unlike Matt Talbot practiced. Since it must be understood, from what Fr. Harvey and Fr. Benedict Groeschl write, same sex friendships, that are chaste, are helpful, if not necessary for people with SSA. This is especially applicable as regards heterosexual friendship with SSA persons; maybe even more so, since the literature suggests that the gay person often experiences a lack of affinity with straight men and women. It is not a question of heterosexual persons affirming someone in their ‘gayness’ or homosexuality - not at all; but rather affirming the person in their dignity as a person, a son or daughter of God; male and female as God created them.
Having expounded on all of this, regardless of what type of addiction or sinful life one is emerging from, Matt Talbot is a good patron to have interceding for you. Next to the martyrs, penitents seem to be some of the best saints for sinners.
June 15th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Very well stated, and I do think you’re right.
Most of the people I know who are SSA trend towards the militant end. In any case, they have bought into the idea that their behavior is “normal” because society endorses and proclaims it. I call some of these people friends, in spite of our differences. We just don’t talk about it which is the way it should be anyway.
However, there may be people I know (and I suspect there are), friend, who suffer from the condition and don’t bring it up, almost as though they think doing so would automatically cause condemnation. I can understand why, and you underscored the reasons well.
Groups like COURAGE are so important, and they don’t get a lot of “press” because the dominant culture likes to suppress them. Clearly, this ministry is needed everywhere, and clearly, we do need to work to support those with SSA who are working to live chaste lives.
You draw the parallel to alcoholism, and I also think that’s important; there is stigma with that, also, although not as much so as in the past. It is a condition, it is a disease, and it is a sin.
Everyone has some sort of favorite sin, and we all need God’s grace, we all need Confession, we all need to remember none of us can throw stones.
I agree there’s a stigma, but I can point out young adult groups locally for ALL young adults, SSA or not, and I think that they would find acceptance there because we’re all trying to live holy lives, and it’s not as though we’re all a bunch of saints.
I have a history, too. And I have a present. And as I’m not dead yet, I have a future.
We can all say that…we all live in glass houses.
Yes, we need to speak the truth, but part of speaking the truth involves embracing those who seek to follow the truth.
OK, it’s late, and I don’t think I’m being clear or saying anything I’m trying to say so I’m going to quit right there.
In short, let me be the first to admit I’m a sinner so if one of my friends admitted to struggling with SSA and wanting to be chaste…well, I’d be willing to listen, and I, like maybe everyone else, understands the struggle with chastity. The means may be different, but the human struggle against the flesh is the same for us all.
That is all for now.
June 15th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
Thanks Adoro - it’s a touchy subject, which is why I get the emails. I hope I expressed it well, without implying these people should get ’special treatment’ since many people struggle with temptations against chastity - as you point out.
Thanks for your input.
June 15th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
Terry, you have done it again. A brilliant, sensitive post. Thank you. St. Louis de Montfort’s way of total belonging to Mary is, for so many souls, the means of liberation and healing. Matt Talbot is another example of that.
June 16th, 2007 at 9:24 am
Terry,
Some of this guys hurt so much inside and they really desire to be in full communion with the Church. I remember one year I was an RCIA sponsor for a young girl, probably in her early 20’s who would attend RCIA with her father. Her dad was divorced and a lapsed Catholic. During the first few classes I realized she not only did not want to be there but did not have any desire of becoming Catholic. I also realized that the dad was the one that wanted her to be there because that was what he would have wanted for himself. I had a heart to heart talk with him and asked him straight forward what was keeping him from coming home. He told me he was gay and that the Church was going to ask him to give up his partner. I told him the only thing the Church would require was a chaste life, just as it requires of any of us. I would never forget his sad eyes when he replied I can’t do that! I told him: What if I would tell you that receiving Jesus in Holy Communion is sooooo much better than sex?
The struggle is so big for some. I don’t remember the exact quote, but it may have been to St. Faustina that Jesus said Woe to those that pride themselves of not falling into temptations they do not suffer.
I know some of these guys that email you will probably get into Heaven before I do.
June 16th, 2007 at 9:47 am
As Fr.Mark says, you’ve done it again,Terry. Another life to emulate, in part at least, and as often as we are able. Thanks and God bless.
June 16th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Thanks everyone.
Just Me - You did well with that man, keep praying for him. Even with divorced and remarried people, sex is such a tremendous shackle, keeping so many from entering into that deeper, intimate union of love with Jesus in the Eucharist.
Regardless if people are in the state of grace or not, they should strive to pray, and attend Mass, and even spend a few minutes with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. God reads, hears the desires of the heart and will provide a way, even supplying the courage to be chaste.
Our kindness, in imitation of Jesus, will help them I think.
June 18th, 2007 at 7:16 am
I’m so touched by this post and the other commenters I don’t have words. Other blogs I visit are filled with hate and contempt. Praise God for you, Terry. So many of us w/SSA feel caught in-between: rejected by the gay community we’ve left behind, yet not understood and accepted by our Catholic brethren. People are always afraid of what they don’t understand. I wish *Courage* would be more vocal, but I understand the necessity of keeping the “veil of anonymity” for most of the members. May I use this post in my next *Courage* meeting?