I can’t tell you why…
I can’t tell you why…
A woman I know, who lost her faith in God, left the Church and returned to neo-paganism, explained to me one of the reasons she left was because she could no longer accept a God who permitted suffering. (Actually, she said, ‘demanded suffering’.) The woman, now in her 30’s was raised by an alcoholic, drug addicted mother. She and her sister were often left alone and had to forage for food in dumpsters. My friend was also sexually abused by her mother’s friends. (The traumatic effects of her childhood ordeal remain with her as an adult.)
Why would God do this to a child - or at least permit this to happen? Fellow Catholics more or less told her to suck it up - get over it, offer it up. Some even told her it was a punishment for sins, to which she cried, “What the hell did I do? I was a little kid?”
Job’s friends.
These are nearly impossible questions to answer, aren’t they? Sanctimonious explanations just don’t cut it sometimes. Try to explain to someone in the midst of their suffering Paul’s words, “God makes all things work together for the good of those who have been called according to his decree”. - Romans 8. Usually, if you try to tell someone these things, especially when they are in the throes of moral crises, it can be like throwing holy water on a possessed person - it just increases the anguish, pain and rage. Pious platitudes just don’t work - especially the dismissive, ’offer it up’.
Joseph.
The first reading of today’s Mass deals with Joseph’s brothers, fearing Joseph would punish them after the death of Jacob, because they had abused Joseph and sold him into slavery. Joseph responded in tears, declaring, “Have no fear. Can I take the place of God? Even though you meant harm to me, God meant it for good, to achieve his present end, the survival of many people…” - Genesis 49. Joseph, a wise man, was able to discern the purpose of God, who permitted him to go through such abuse and hardship. Often, God’s purpose isn’t always so clear to ourselves.
God’s ways are inscrutable aren’t they.
(Art: Joseph sold into slavery.)
July 14th, 2007 at 9:12 am
Compared with your friend and with a great many people, I have really not suffered much at all in my life, and most of the sufferings I have undergone have been due to my own sinfulness and stupidity.
But I THINK if I had to undergo true suffering - the kind that I did not bring on myself - I think I would be comforted by reminding myself that God is not a remote being who stands by and watches us suffer . . . like a cold spectator or sadist with a cosmic magnifying glass aimed at us “ants” . . . but one who has subjected Himself to the ultimate human suffering for our sakes and in solidarity with us.
I have always been moved by the way Job’s friends first rent their clothes, and then sat with him in silence in the desert with ashes on their heads for seven days. (Before they started talking and ruined it all!) That is such a profound image of true friendship and solidarity in suffering.
I feel that, when Christ offered Himself for us, in addition to everything else, He was acting as Job’s friends did, only better.
I realize that none of this is terribly profound, but I’m just a laywoman. No other spiritual belief has come close to Jesus Christ, the suffering Savior, and His Cross, in dealing with the issue of human suffering in this world.
July 14th, 2007 at 9:35 am
Robin - Thank you. Actually what you have said is very profound - and a perfect addition to this post. Again - thank you.
July 14th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
When I was sitting on the floor of a psyhco ward cutting my wrist with a ring pull from a can of cola almost 20 years ago, I would probably have slit their’s too had someone suggested that my suffering was something I had to ’suck up’.
With the benefit of survival on my side I can see that I am a living testament to the grace of God and that through that and that alone have I been able to endure all suffering since.(and theres been a fair bit
When I was in the middle of suffering I(and again at periods since - when ‘bad stuff happened’)could not see my suffering as anything other than something to be eradicated at the earliest opportunity. I can hardly blieve it now, but I used to ask God to kill me off so I wouldn’t have to do it myself. (I was thwarted more times than I want to remember).
Even more unbelievable is that people actually did tell me to ‘pull your socks up’…. I don’t know if you have that expression in your part of the world, but over here in England it means the same as ’suck it up’, but it also is said to those who fail.
Of course, this didn’t help me, it actually sent me in to a deeper depression. It was surreal actually. I recall believeing that I was right, no one DID understand me and that I was a useless piece of crap afterall.
Platitudes didn’t work either. I could see through them like a fine gauze.
Let me tell you Terry, when confronted with lives of suffering, I do one of two things. I either, say ‘I know. It hurts’….sometimes people say ‘how could you know?’ and then I have to do the second thing…give testimony. I don’t do the latter very often, but sometimes it is necessary. And when I do tell poeple about my life, they really genuinely can’t believe that I survived. But more than that, perhaps more difficult for some people to understand is that I Love God with my whole heart and do not blame him for anything. My suffering was not his doing.
God bless
July 14th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Thanks UKOK - “I know it hurts” too - and I also try not to give my own testimony. I also often hear - “I can’t believe that you love God and aren’t mad at him.” or - this is worse, “If God is so good, why do you still have problems?” (Meaning, not so happy all of the time.) The only answer I have is that in and through everything, God has given me the grace to love and have compassion upon others who do suffer - even when I can’t help them.
July 15th, 2007 at 7:37 am
It’s hard to imagine not only Christ’s suffering, but Mary’s…
& how they both trusted the Father unwaveringly.
& too, the others who followed -
John the Baptist
Peter
Thomas More
Maximillian Kolbe
to name but a few, who will know eternal happiness, but know it’s not over, yet.
July 16th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
I would like to ask your friend if the life she lives now is completely devoid of suffering? Suffering is going to happen because we are children of God in exile; no matter what religion you embrace, or non-religion for that matter, you are going to suffer. What God teaches us through the Catholic Church however, is how to make GOOD out of your suffering! If you are going to suffer, there are two things you can do, and YES, it is your choice: let yourself be made miserable, or let that suffering make you stronger, and, offer that suffering up for the sins of the person or persons making you suffer. After all, you know that that person’s soul is in grave danger, and although it’s tempting to want them to suffer in hell for what they’ve done to you, can we fathom what has caused them to become such depraved people? And do we really wish for them to suffer forever (it never ends!).
That is what I don’t understand when my own friends have left the Catholic church for similar reasons; they don’t want to let go of their pain, they want to hold onto it! I have suffered very, very much in my life, and before I was a Catholic, I had no idea what to do with this suffering! I couldn’t share it with anyone on earth, or I’d make them miserable, I didn’t believe in saints or God, to whom I could tell my woes, I was just wrapped in my own suffering, and it was killing me. But then a wonderful Catholic priest showed me the value of suffering (the suffering we’re going through already, not self-inflicted suffering, which many saints undertook, but which no one should do unless they have the advice of a saintly spiritual director). When Fr. showed me how life could be lived, saving others souls through the suffering I was already going through, instead of laying in bed, a useless burden to everyone around me, I had a reason to live! And laugh, and love, and hope!
I can truly say, suffering has saved my life and my soul, and I hope that my meager offerings have added fuel to other’s fires for heaven.
July 16th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Marie, I too recognize the great value of suffering in my life. I often tried to convince my friend that she would suffer whether she was a Catholic or not - to no avail. It is such a mystery. No matter what a person says, no matter how convincing the arguement, some people just cannot be convinced to accept the faith. I suppose that is evidence that people really do choose to go to hell.