“From now on a household…will be divided”
Family matters…
Last night a close-enough relative got married to someone she barely knows.. well, they’ve known one another for 3 months or so - he proposed after 12 days. (My first mistake was asking if her mother did a background check on the guy.) Needless to say, I did not attend.
The happy couple have been living together for a month or two - how does that work now days? You get up in the morning, get ready for the wedding, go wherever it is the ceremony is to be held, and then you return home after the reception. Where’s the mystery? Or better, what’s the big deal?
The wedding took place at a hotel, and of course it wasn’t a Catholic ceremony. Not that that is so unusual - it happens all the time in Catholic families - even the most uber-Catholic ones. In this case it is a little unusual, especially since the young woman was raised in an Italian Catholic home, sent to Catholic schools - grade school through college, and her mother always insisted her daughter was a good Catholic girl - almost Maria Goretti-like, when evidence suggested otherwise.
“Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be apostate.” That was a country western song wasn’t it?
[This post probably should have been on my other blog, Abbey-Roads 1.]
August 19th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
My husband gave me a ruby ring for Valentine’s…we had been dating 11 days. Five months later we were married (albeit civilly). Mind you we had known each other 4 1/2 years. We beat the odds but most don’t. (Have been together 12 years now and survived 4 teens!)
August 19th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Sad.
Many so-called Catholics at least make the pretense of going through a Catholic ceremony or having a priest present, at least.
But there’s probably not not much probability of even Christmas/Easter attendance at church when a couple doesn’t even acknowledge the Church with their marriage.
At least not until there is a crisis in their lives.
That’s when they will start to complain “How could a loving God let this happen?” Not thinking that they haven’t even acknowledged the existance of that “loving God” for twenty years or more.
August 19th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
If your story wasn’t about an Italian family, I might’ve thought it was about my great, big Irish-American-Catholic family! Am sure my saintly grandparents are spending their Heaven on their knees praying for their grandchildren.
August 19th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Well, God is patient, and He will wait outside her heart until she finds a reason to need Him. It amazes me to think how patient God was with me while I wandered on my own path for so many years. Don’t give up on her, Terry.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:13 am
Good post Terry. Having been to a number of weddings in the past few years–both family and friends–I can’t recall a one where the couple did NOT live together before the marriage. These were all Catholic couples, at least brought up in Catholic families. As a parent and/or a family member, I feel responsible-along with our Catholic schools–for this lack of understanding the moral issues involved. Ask a young couple sometime to define chastity in a relationship!
August 20th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Not an ideal situation. Ripe with sin and all. I, guess, I’m glad that they were not actually married in the Catholic Church and causing even more scandal. I think we’ve all known cohabitating couples who manage to either pull the wool over Father’s eyes or Father looks the other way and marries them in the Church anyway.
You nailed it with your comments about the event not being special at all when the couple already “knows” each other. Gee, it’s just practically another day.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:48 am
Been there, done that and more than once (co-habitation twice, married to a Catholic,in civil law alone - once) - though I was not Catholic at the time, and not a practicing Christian either.
As paramedicgirl writes, thanks be to God that though we turn our backs on God, He never turns his on us, so to speak.
The mentality is kind of like ‘try before you buy’ - share your most intimate self with someone you’re not sure you want to marry and if it doesn’t work out,start over… then repeat the whole sorry process ad infinitum until you have a list of ex sexual partners as long as a roll of toilet paper.
Completely warped thinking.
And yet. There has to be the hope of renewed purity for those like myself who have been born again in Christ and whom are genuinely repentant. For we are new creations, the old has gone, the new has come. God forgives, therefore I forgive myself for my former lack of sexual morality…I don’t think it’s too much to ask my fellow man to forgive me if God can.
I wrote a post on renewed purity a while back, check it out if you feel so inclined.
http://catholicconvert.wordpress.com/2005/10/14/renewed-puri ty-for-the-non-virgin/
Who knows but God whether they will seek to have their marriage recognised by the church at some point? Perhaps you can be a positive influence in their lives and enlighten them?
Perhaps all you can do is pray, and yet prayer is powerful.
The start of the journey is rarely the same as the final destination. There is always hope.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:04 am
My mom sent me this last week:
Italian Mother
Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony
lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal,
Momma can’t help but notice how pretty Anthony’s roommate was. She
had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and
this made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate
than meets the eye. Reading his Mom’s thoughts, Anthony volunteered,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and
I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Maria comes to Anthony saying, “Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugar
bowl. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” “Well, I doubt it, but
I’ll e-mail her, just to be sure.” So he sends his Mom an email:
“Dear Momma, I’m not saying that you took the sugar bowl from my
house, and I’m not saying that you didn’t take it. But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony”
Several days later, Anthony receives an email response from his
Momma. “Figlio mio, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Maria,
and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with her. But the fact
remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have
found the sugar bowl by now.”
August 20th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Not to pick nits…..but shouldn’t that great line don’t let your babies grow up to be apostate - singular? One apostate, two apostate…etc?
August 20th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Sometimes, there is a horrific reaction to having the Church shoved down one’s throat. That’s exactly how they refer to it. But it may not be that in her case, tho’ I’ve known many Italians.
I’ll just say I think she’s feeling her way, but for sure, she’s going to need God. She will have to settle for relatives and friends, tho’, until she figures that one out.
And speaking indirectly of marriage prep, I used to help register couples for the one (yes, one) Saturday of a couple’s complete training in Future Life as Catholic Marrieds (replete with a brochure about NFP) in the deanery’s mandatory Toward Marriage program. Out of 10 couples each month (on the average), only one couple did not share a same address. Well, God doesn’t blink, so it must be someone else who is not doing something right.
August 20th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Paramedic girl, and UKOK; I agree, we need to keep praying for them, and try to be a positive influence. Reminds me of a t-shirt I saw; printed on it was “Be patient with me, God isn’t finished with me yet!” Come to think of it, that applies to all of us.
August 20th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
David - you are absolutely right… But what if I wrote, “Two apostate walked into a bar…”? LOL!