A pro-choice faith.
I first heard the term Cafeteria Catholicism in the 1970’s, shortly after Paul VI released Humane Vitae. It has been the perfect cliche to describe modern Catholics, who pick and choose what they will or will not accept as regards Catholic doctrine and discipline.
The other day, as Iwas getting a haircut, the woman I have gone to for years brought up the fact that she is sending her daughter to Catholic school this year. In all the time I have known her we have never discussed religion. I was surprised that she attends Mass regularly, goes to confession, and raises her kids strictly. She told me her husband, who is Lutheran, is now going to come into the Church. She explained that he always had gone to Mass with the family, but refrained from receiving Communion, now he believes and wants to receive, so he is coming into the Church.
I feel like a stranger in a strange land.
I don’t want to make this too long, but let me explain that I’m something of a hermit. I do not have that much exposure to average married couples and families who do the cafeteria thing. Of course I read on blogs about non-Catholics going to Communion, and I know people pick and choose what they believe in, but I don’t really engage in conversations with anyone about it. But it’s not like I’m unaware of people doing their own religious thing either - I know it exists.
To make a long story short, Linda (that’s her name) mentioned that their friends from Church were telling her that her husband could go to Communion, Catholic or not. Her friend revealed that her husband, who is a member of the music ministry for the Church, is not Catholic, but he goes to Communion all of the time. Linda said she doesn’t accept that, but did not want to get into a discussion with her friends about it.
Amazingly, Linda is rather orthodox in her faith, and does just about everything ‘by the book’. For instance, she will not go to Communion if she missed Mass the previous Sunday. She will go to confession first, and she doesn’t think Communal Penance without individual confession is valid. I told her she was correct.
I accept everything but this and that.
I was impressed that Linda is so traditional in her practice of the faith. Then she told me the one thing she doesn’t accept, which is the ban on contraception. She used the pill until she had a tubal, despite the fact the Church teaches this is wrong. So there she was after all, standing in the cafeteria line, even though her tray was full, she left out a very important piece of the pie. My heart sank.
As we discussed other issues, I realized she didn’t accept a few other things. I hid my disappointment and resolved to pray for her, recognizing she was convinced that she was right. She was raised in the late 1970’s, attended Catholic school, and learned that it is nearly impossible for a person to commit a mortal sin and that conscience reigned supreme. Linda is pretty much living what she was taught, although she obviously rejects some of the errors.
“Whoever has ears to hear ought to hear.” - Luke 8
I know many of my readers and other Catholics would have tried to point out to Linda the error of her thinking, but I recognized she knew what the correct teaching is and decided to reject it. There is little to be gained by arguing with a person. I explained that I agreed with what the Church taught, and she tried to justify why she rejected it. Although she was a bit more traditional than her church friends, she nevertheless did not believe everything the Church teaches. She simply refuses to accept it - I can’t make her believe.
Today’s Gospel reading about the seed and the sower helped me understand the situation in a new light. Cafeteria Catholics “may look but not see, and hear but not understand.” Indeed, the word of God is given to all, but not all accept it. In the beginning, some accept it with joy and enthusiasm, “but the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts that they may not believe and be saved.” Those on “rocky ground” may receive the word with great devotion, and accept many of the externals of religion, yet their enthusiasm is superficial and they abandon the faith as soon as temptation, challenges or difficulties come along.
However, the real cafeteria Catholic is the one whose faith disintegrates, little by little, because of the anxieties of life. (Anxieties over having too many children, or having found the person you love but are not able to marry because one of you is divorced, or you are same-sex, and so on.) Oftentimes the cafeteria Catholic is rich in his own intellectual prowess, and knows more than the outdated ’medieval’ Church. In other cases, his material wealth and luxurious lifestyle inform him there is no need for religion - except that which suits him. For one reason or another, the faith becomes just another aspect of one’s life, packaged and compartmentalized, placed on the shelf, and if it is convenient, to be taken out on Sundays.
“Are they few in number who will be saved?”
I’ll conclude with this story Linda told me. She said that last spring, when her parish had Communal Penance, the new pastor informed everyone that there would be no general absolution, that priests would be available for individual confessions at the conclusion of the service. Linda said that in the past, the church was filled to capacity for Communal Penance, whereas this year, hardly anyone showed up - because they were expected to make individual confessions. I said “That is good! You see, the priests must correct the abuses with authentic catechesis and providing the sacraments as they are meant to be administered. This will eventually get everyone on the same page.”
Linda protested, “But nobody showed up for the penance service. That is what will happen if they try to enforce all of these rules on people.” I think Linda is a very typical, average Catholic in the pews on Sundays.
Obviously, the cafeteria is not closed.
