Cafeteria Catholicism
A pro-choice faith.
I first heard the term Cafeteria Catholicism in the 1970’s, shortly after Paul VI released Humane Vitae. It has been the perfect cliche to describe modern Catholics, who pick and choose what they will or will not accept as regards Catholic doctrine and discipline.
The other day, as Iwas getting a haircut, the woman I have gone to for years brought up the fact that she is sending her daughter to Catholic school this year. In all the time I have known her we have never discussed religion. I was surprised that she attends Mass regularly, goes to confession, and raises her kids strictly. She told me her husband, who is Lutheran, is now going to come into the Church. She explained that he always had gone to Mass with the family, but refrained from receiving Communion, now he believes and wants to receive, so he is coming into the Church.
I feel like a stranger in a strange land.
I don’t want to make this too long, but let me explain that I’m something of a hermit. I do not have that much exposure to average married couples and families who do the cafeteria thing. Of course I read on blogs about non-Catholics going to Communion, and I know people pick and choose what they believe in, but I don’t really engage in conversations with anyone about it. But it’s not like I’m unaware of people doing their own religious thing either - I know it exists.
To make a long story short, Linda (that’s her name) mentioned that their friends from Church were telling her that her husband could go to Communion, Catholic or not. Her friend revealed that her husband, who is a member of the music ministry for the Church, is not Catholic, but he goes to Communion all of the time. Linda said she doesn’t accept that, but did not want to get into a discussion with her friends about it.
Amazingly, Linda is rather orthodox in her faith, and does just about everything ‘by the book’. For instance, she will not go to Communion if she missed Mass the previous Sunday. She will go to confession first, and she doesn’t think Communal Penance without individual confession is valid. I told her she was correct.
I accept everything but this and that.
I was impressed that Linda is so traditional in her practice of the faith. Then she told me the one thing she doesn’t accept, which is the ban on contraception. She used the pill until she had a tubal, despite the fact the Church teaches this is wrong. So there she was after all, standing in the cafeteria line, even though her tray was full, she left out a very important piece of the pie. My heart sank.
As we discussed other issues, I realized she didn’t accept a few other things. I hid my disappointment and resolved to pray for her, recognizing she was convinced that she was right. She was raised in the late 1970’s, attended Catholic school, and learned that it is nearly impossible for a person to commit a mortal sin and that conscience reigned supreme. Linda is pretty much living what she was taught, although she obviously rejects some of the errors.
“Whoever has ears to hear ought to hear.” - Luke 8
I know many of my readers and other Catholics would have tried to point out to Linda the error of her thinking, but I recognized she knew what the correct teaching is and decided to reject it. There is little to be gained by arguing with a person. I explained that I agreed with what the Church taught, and she tried to justify why she rejected it. Although she was a bit more traditional than her church friends, she nevertheless did not believe everything the Church teaches. She simply refuses to accept it - I can’t make her believe.
Today’s Gospel reading about the seed and the sower helped me understand the situation in a new light. Cafeteria Catholics “may look but not see, and hear but not understand.” Indeed, the word of God is given to all, but not all accept it. In the beginning, some accept it with joy and enthusiasm, “but the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts that they may not believe and be saved.” Those on “rocky ground” may receive the word with great devotion, and accept many of the externals of religion, yet their enthusiasm is superficial and they abandon the faith as soon as temptation, challenges or difficulties come along.
However, the real cafeteria Catholic is the one whose faith disintegrates, little by little, because of the anxieties of life. (Anxieties over having too many children, or having found the person you love but are not able to marry because one of you is divorced, or you are same-sex, and so on.) Oftentimes the cafeteria Catholic is rich in his own intellectual prowess, and knows more than the outdated ’medieval’ Church. In other cases, his material wealth and luxurious lifestyle inform him there is no need for religion - except that which suits him. For one reason or another, the faith becomes just another aspect of one’s life, packaged and compartmentalized, placed on the shelf, and if it is convenient, to be taken out on Sundays.
“Are they few in number who will be saved?”
I’ll conclude with this story Linda told me. She said that last spring, when her parish had Communal Penance, the new pastor informed everyone that there would be no general absolution, that priests would be available for individual confessions at the conclusion of the service. Linda said that in the past, the church was filled to capacity for Communal Penance, whereas this year, hardly anyone showed up - because they were expected to make individual confessions. I said “That is good! You see, the priests must correct the abuses with authentic catechesis and providing the sacraments as they are meant to be administered. This will eventually get everyone on the same page.”
Linda protested, “But nobody showed up for the penance service. That is what will happen if they try to enforce all of these rules on people.” I think Linda is a very typical, average Catholic in the pews on Sundays.
Obviously, the cafeteria is not closed.
September 22nd, 2007 at 10:42 am
I will add that the situation/conversation you describe makes for a very confused (chaotic) environment for many who are entering or re-entering the Church; especially when the teachings of the faith are delivered in a way that they could be understood in various ways, just depending on what line you are standing in to receive the “message”.
National Catholic Register two wks ago (?) had on its front cover a “conversion” story of a born Catholic woman and Fr. Pavone’s influence on her conversion … or should I say … bringing her to an understanding & acceptance of Her teachings. It is beautiful story and instructive for both lay seeking (or those that they think they know it all) & priest who are approached by individuals struggling w/the teachings or are confused by what may appear contradictory situations or statements … confusion abounds these days. (It is so nice to have Pope BXVI speak so clearly)
It also dovetails w/some of the comments about experiences left in the comment box of the reflection of Adoro, “Holy Terror”, at http://www.adorotedevote.blogspot.com/
which you linked to earlier.
September 22nd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
When we make even our religion more about us than about God, we fall like stars from heaven. Fortunately, God raises up people in every generation to say, “Yoohoo.. Wakie, wakie!” We have (not only in America, but in liberal pockets of Rome itself and of course, growing throughout Europe) been undercatechized, miscatechized, led astray by much. Seeing one’s self in the Gospel will bring one back more quickly than all of anyone’s remonstrations, but to give voice to concern to cafeteria Catholics is needed.
I overheard my husband’s conversation with a many-decades friend yesterday. “Tom, isn’t that something? Here you started out to be a priest and got married instead, but now, your sister is a priest.”
OW, my ears, my EARS!!
Years ago when I realized it was a SIN, I brought my confession of using birth control to a confessor. He was aghast, rather, at my thinking it a sin! “This decision is between you and your husband. Talk with him about it.”
*ahem.. My husband would never in a million years believe it’s a sin, and he left all that kind of decision to me right from the get-go. So I determined to simply avoid him in most fertile times of a woman’s cycle, and left open the door to God’s creativity.
I have long felt (and think I see) a more orthodox clergy coming up in seminarians. I pray so.
Thanks, Terry, for tackling some problems in general, here.
September 22nd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Terry, thanks for taking the time to share this experience w/all of us. We’re all at different levels of daily conversion & this reinforces for me the importance of us praying for one another.
September 22nd, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Jeronomo - what are you doing posting on Saturday?
September 22nd, 2007 at 6:45 pm
What Jeron said!
September 22nd, 2007 at 7:05 pm
I work with someone who is as Cafeteria as they come. She has a good heart, she’s a wonderful lady, I love her to pieces…but we don’t discuss theology if we can avoid it. Because she doesn’t accept Catholic teaching.
She has heard it from everyone. She has had great teachers. And has admittedly ignored them. Because it’s much easer for her to believe what she WANTS to believe, to be a cultural Catholic but not one in true belief.
No, there’s no point in arguing…because she does not have the ears to hear. She revealed last week that she’s had her pets blessed…AND had her cat “baptized.” Not just blessed. She fully believes that her cat has an indelible mark that places her within God’s family. Say hello to your sister. Meow. She’s dermatologically challenged…among other feline characteristics in comparison to humans.
I didn’t even touch it. There is no such thing as reasoning with such a person.
Yes. I love her to death. So I am praying for her. Because some changes do not occurr through verbal arguments, but through prayer, fasting, and love.
September 23rd, 2007 at 1:18 am
Humanae Vitae is what they need..
September 23rd, 2007 at 11:42 am
Dear Terry,
If this lady is a good haircutter you may not want to lose her. Of course please keep her in your prayers.
Enjoy the beautiful Sunday.
Kate
September 23rd, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Kate - She is very good - and she is a wonderful lady. I consider her a friend. Like most of us, she is simply confused in confusing times, so I pray.
September 24th, 2007 at 6:17 am
Julie: LOL!
Terry: great! just great! people are going to think my name is now “jur-ON” vs. “JER-in.” Meow. LOL. Sorry, Julie cracked me up. I came in to the office to clean my cube & check up on you.
September 24th, 2007 at 7:32 am
Prayers ascend for Linda.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
I have cafeteria Catholics where I work. Many, many of them.
I also have a couple of militant atheists hostile towards ANY religion who use every opportunity to mock Christianity and Christians, even to our faces. They give old-fashioned atheists a bad name.
Give me the Caf Caths any day. Trust me on this.
December 7th, 2007 at 10:28 am
I’m a new visitor here, and want to first say thanks for you blog. I find lots of insight here that will no doubt teach me a lot.
I’m one of those cafeteria Catholics. Sine I’ve started blogging and wrestling with some difficult issues of the day, I find I am identifying with my Catholicism more and more. It seems the one thing I can believe in, my best source of moral guidance in the world and I’ve recently written in depth about why I identify as a cafeteria Catholic.
Regarding: “However, the real cafeteria Catholic is the one whose faith disintegrates, little by little, because of the anxieties of life.” In my case faith is moving the other way. I was once totally outside the Church, now I am coming back. I feel my faith is getting stronger, not disintegrating.