How it makes me feel…
When priests leave the priesthood.
I was stunned when I read it had been announced Fr. Francis Mary Stone (Life On The Rock fame) has taken a leave of absence to discern… It seems he has fallen in love with a widow he had been helping. Prayers are requested of course - he still hasn’t left the priesthood - there is still a chance he will remain a priest, as had Thomas Merton after he supposedly fell in love with a woman.
I’ve known other priests who have left to get married, some to men, and others who left because of sexual misconduct. I always feel let down when that happens. Not so much by the priest, or the Church, or even God - but I just have a general feeling of deep disappointment.
Temptation.
My first temptation is to think, “What’s the use? Why try to be holy?” If a priest can leave his vocation behind, why do I feel so guilty about some stupid every-day failure in virtue? I quickly recover my senses and realize we are all human, we all make mistakes, we are all weak, we all fall - I know all of that. But I still feel like I got the wind knocked out of me. I still feel as if I’ve been cheated out of a priest, or worse, his vocation was somehow just a sham. And once again, my better judgement kicks in and I realize something just went wrong - that’s all. Stuff happens.
It is like a divorce - although not nearly as common. Divorce harms a family though. Even amicable divorces do harm, causing mistrust, insecurities, disruption of values and lifestyle, and so on. In a way, a priest who abandons his vocation seems like a dad leaving his wife and kids. It hurts the family.
Lack of commitment.
Married clergy doesn’t seem to be the answer - although most people would say it is. When men live in community, the community is supposed to be like a family, an added support in one’s vocation. In a sense, the priest in community has it better than a lonely diocesan priest. If we had married priests, they could divorce their wives and leave the priesthood too.
Commitment doesn’t seem to mean anything any longer.
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:27 pm
It is strange looking back, as he offered Mass just a few days beforehand. He seemed like a devout guy, said some good things. Just goes to show, you never know what’s going on inside a person. Prayers for him indeed. Him, and all priests in temptation.
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:51 pm
No, no, no! This makes me cry–like you Terry–like the wind is knocked out of you. A priest is a priest forever!
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:21 pm
I hurt for Father Stone. And I pray for him.
I hurt more for the young people who have grown to love his leadership of Life on the Rock. I’m certain that his apostolate to the young of the world has been extremely successful.
His experience in the world before he became a Franciscan and his athletic skills and personality have been tremendous examples in showing young people that real people can have religious vocations.
Sadly, much damage has been done to some whose faith has been wavering. And not a few vocations may have been lost.
But all has not been lost.
I recall a story my mother told me of a time, the early 30s, when she was a teenager at Mass on a Sunday in a small town just outside of Duluth, Minnesota. The church was packed, as usual, with the Catholic railroad workers, merchants, laborers and their families and the altar was set properly by the altar boys. But nothing happened at 10:30, the appointed time.
Men started to pull out their railroad watches (extremely accurate, I’ll have you know), check the time, glance up at the sacristy entrance, and then at some of their friends nearby.
Finally, one of the altar boys poked his head out of the sacristy and called out “Father isn’t here!”
Imagine the shock in the congregation. Everybody had loved their new young priest who had been born to a prosperous family. But something had happened and he decided he didn’t want to be a priest any more and unannounced to anybody had caught a train (on a different railroad) and left town for California.
The Bishop soon sent in a replacement and people stopped talking after a while. Then a year or so later, word came that Father had returned to his Bishop, made his confession and amends and was returned to the Faith and his Priesthood. But he did not ever serve in any nearby parish.
Please pray for Father Stone, for EWTN and its staff, for the Franciscan Missionaries of the Eternal Word, and for the youth of the world who need men like Father Stone.
Please pray fthat they can find a replacement for Father Stone who can continue his mission. It would be unlikely that he will be able to resume it when he returns.
(Also posted on Catholic Answers)
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Huh. Well. Hmph. I don’t even know what to say.
November 2nd, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Ouch!
I am in southern IL as I write this, en route to Memphis, TN. I’m going to a transitional diaconate ordination taking place tomorrow, Saturday - my nephew’s.
His is a bit of a ‘delayed’ vocation - he’ll be 42 when ordained next May to the priesthood for his Diocese.
I hope he has it all out of his system [secular life] by now, and can focus entirely on the gift he’s received from God, and is giving to us, the people.
I’ve never seen Fr Stone’s program - where I live the Cable System doesn’t carry EWTN - only 2-4% [depend on which data you read] Catholic population in our entire county - so not much of a buck to be made for the cable system.
Praying!
November 2nd, 2007 at 7:20 pm
I will pray for him.
God can do anything!
November 2nd, 2007 at 7:55 pm
This is so sad…and I feel like I just got punched, too.
There is a real attack happening within the Church, but just watch…what one intends for evil, God will use for good, even if it’s not something we see played out on TV.
He is in my prayers. At least he’s leaving to discern…that means he’s likely still under spiritual direction, is working with people who love him, who know him, and will seek the truth and the best thing with him, all according to God’s will.
Our prayers must include the prayer that in this, God’s will is done. Even if His will ends up making no sense to the rest of us.
November 2nd, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Well, we certainly must not give up hope and we must pray for Fr. Francis Mary. I am confident he will follow the laws of the Church, no matter what he decides.
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:17 pm
It does make me sad in a way I can’t really describe.
November 2nd, 2007 at 11:43 pm
Well, isn’t that something. I have no idea how to respond. I don’t know, I guess I will pray for him but I don’t know for what. If he would rather be a married guy best to get on with it then. I certainly hope he has the “life skills” to manage a household have a job in the world and do the deal the rest of us grunts do out here in married-man-land.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:09 am
As it happens, by way of background, I am a Baptist who has a Roman Catholic twin brother (we were both raised in an independent Christian Church and spent some time as Episcopalians - Dad was a Presbyterian, by the way, we kind of freaked Mom out, ha, ha). I have an ecumencial outlook and sometimes enjoy watching EWTN and particularly enjoy watching the Daily Mass. I, too, was perplexed and sad when I learned about Father Francis Mary Stone’s situation. Even so, I remember a saying that my brother shared with me - it is said that “the attitude of the Priest does not affect the efficacy of the Mass.” God is still God and watches over us no matter what failings humans may have. Also, as I consider the situation with Father Stone, what I wish that he had done was simply, openly, gone to his superiors, confessed to them what was happening and requested to be released from his vows, returning to secular life, married the involved woman in the church and started an active life as a Catholic layperson instead of “boom”, being “discovered” to be involved in this relationship and suddenly disappearing from EWTN. I have, of course, heard of things like this happening to Priests and Ministers of various denominations, as well as religious and denominational workers, etc. I think that the churches and denominations need to have “transition programs” in place whereby if one feels that one just cannot, for whatever reason, go on as a Priest, Minister, etc., they can just quietly let someone know, they will be gently transitioned out and invited to remain involved with the church/denomination as a layperson. Also, I think that this incident, a “lemon”, can be turned into “lemonade”, that it is a “golden opportunity” for the Roman Catholic Church to open up a discussion of these matters, to help people understand the church policies and to encourage people to take the honorable path, the Godly path in dealing with their own sexuality teaching them how to do that if need be. I suspect that, even now, God is working to bring good out of this incident. I pray that all will turn out well for Father Stone, for EWTN and for the church. And please know that, even though I am a Baptist, I respect and admire and, yes, even love the Roman Catholic Church and my good Roman Catholic brothers and sisters. May God richly bless and watch over you all - thank you for your service to our Lord Jesus Christ.
November 3rd, 2007 at 5:43 am
Terry,
In my old parish we had a young associate that was very handsome. He was a knockout. He also left because rumor says he was having an affair with a parishoner. He got a leave of absence and came back and then left for good. The Bishop published in the diocesan newspaper that he was not to be considered a priest anymore. It was so sad. The worse was that he got a job in the neighborhood’s men’sclothing store. He was selling ties!!! I could not understand why anyone would want to leave Jesus at the altar to go sell ties. But, I have not suffered that temptation, so I shouldn’t judge. My friend’s husband shopped there and he would go in and say “Hi Father”. I thought it was depressing.
I know of many others that have left. The priest that married my sister, my friend’s brother…
I always have the same feeling. That they left a French restaurant to go eat at McDonalds. I often also think like you Terry. Why try? Even they are giving up. But we don’t know. We haven’t been there. We really need to pray.
And pray for all those teens that are trying so hard, the ones that followed him on Life on the Rock, the ones that don’t have vows and are free to choose a different path out of deception or dissapointment.
And for Mother Angelica. It must have been a hard blow for her.
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:57 am
I’m praying for him. And don’t be sad. We are Catholic because of Christ not any one priest,okay?
Married priests wouldn’t solve anything. If you can have one woman then why not divorce her and take another one? Better yet, why not just have another on the side? We live in a society of serial monogamy. Once a divorce would end a Protestant preacher’s career. Now it’s okay. I don’t think their wives are too happy about it.
Catholics have followed the prevailing culture in many things but a married priesthood (which would lead to divorced priests, playboy priests and gay priests demanding to marry) would be a bigger mess than any of us would want to deal with.
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:58 am
Oh and one more thing. A priest is a priest forever. He can wander off and do somehting else but he’s still a priest and any woman who gets involved with him is just fooling herself.
November 3rd, 2007 at 7:55 am
I had a teacher who was a nun. She left being a nun as she had to take care of her mom who was terribly ill and she was her mom’s only support.She also continued to be a celibate. How would someone look at her life?
November 3rd, 2007 at 8:23 am
When a nun or monk, even a priest takes a leave to care for a parent, that is entirely acceptable. In the case of a religious being dispensed from vows, just as with a priest, the Church has permitted it and they leave in good graces. If Fr. Francis is dispensed, he remains in good standing with the Church, however, ordination imparts a character to his soul, and he remains a priest forever.
Whereas a religious is dispensed from their vows, the vows are more or less annulled, and the religious returns to the lay state. Again, they remain in good standing with the Church.
The vocation to priesthood is a completely different thing from a religious vocation. Because of its special character, it is all the more disconcerting to everyone in the Church when a priest leaves.
I may not have explained that well, but regardless of the reasons for a failed vocation, the person does remain in good standing with the Church. And charity obliges us to accept the person in love, trusting in God’s providence. God does not force us to do anything against our will, and he remembers that we are weak human beings.
Anyway - As regards your school sister teacher. Her sacrifice of the religious life may have been a greater act of charity - even perfect love. The fact that she continued in a celibate and devout life while caring for her mom is edifying and praiseworthy.
Thanks everyone for all of your good comments.
November 3rd, 2007 at 10:22 am
Fr. Francis, his brothers, as well as the woman & her children will receive my prayers. It is so very sad & painful on so many levels.
Fr. Mark of Vultus Christi, http://vultus.stblogs.org/2007/10/thursdays_of_adoration_and _rep.html, has a beautiful posting that I highly recommend for reflection and action:
“Thursdays of Adoration and Reparation for Priests”
Also, a year ago I had a good fortune to come upon a book titled, To My Priest. It helped me to understand deeper the nature of the priesthood and the awesome responsibility they carry and the great rewards they can receive (not just for themselves), and how we all must help them in this task too (which may included a gentle reminder to them of their mission).
Concepcion Cabrera De Armida, a Mexican mystic, mother and founder of religious orders:
http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/saintc3e.htm
Quote from the book (Emphasis from book):
“Oh! What great treasures, many of which are seen and others of which the human intelligence does not grasp on earth, may be offered to the priest transformed into Me! Then this virtue of attraction will be communicated to him, this holy attraction which, while captivating souls by what is mine, he sanctifies and saves them. I will return to the earth in my priest, as much as I desire and I will change the face of the world and of hearts.
It is necessary that this would become a fact; it is of all points indispensable that I am not only reflected in my priests, but that they would be I MYSELF, one with Me, to evangelize the multitudes anew. But let them exhale the divine perfume of their Master …” pg 132
“Love will save the world and the personification of love is the Holy Spirit. THE UNIVERSAL REIGN OF THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL COME, the one who can bring peace to the earth, because he is the sweetest eternal nesting place; He who reconciles, He who unites, identifies and saves.” ….
“It is necessary to prepare for this end, it is necessary to win the victory, it is necessary to purchase it with prayer and with tears, with sacrifices and love. But above all with the transformation of priest into Me, with the CONSUMMATION of this transformation (as soon as it is possible on earth), let priests be made pure, holy, disinterested, and worth to be united with the Light, with the Truth, with the Life, with the most holy Unity, with the Trinity.” …. pg 146
November 3rd, 2007 at 10:59 am
You’re not gonna like what I have to say. We once had a society and culture where the role and behavior of women and men were better defined and aligned with God’s plan. Now, we have a multitude of “free agent” women on the loose in every way, and men not living up to their paternal responsibilities. It is a shared sin, no doubt, but when men were strong moral leaders, and women were more fulfilled though family life, things were in God’s order. Now we have women in all manner of careers taking jobs from those who should be family breadwinners. We have pornography run rampant, we have corporations marketing Fredericks of Hollywood clothes for little girls. Abortion and serial killing are cottage industries. And we have all manner of temptations confronting our dwindling supply of priests. Flame away, case closed.
November 3rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
John - I agree with you.
November 3rd, 2007 at 12:43 pm
This is terribly saddening to me too, and you are quite right, married clergy is not the answer.
November 4th, 2007 at 2:41 am
That’s grim!Some likle to have their cake & eat it!
November 4th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
re the title of this post..
Because Fr. Francis’ discernment is all about …how you feel?
Huh?
Look, you literally have no idea what is going on. There could be any number of issues flying around here, and the jumping to conclusions that is going on around here looks simply exhausting.
If anything, the cluck-clucking and insistence that a priest’s spiritual struggles are important mostly because they hurt other people’s feelings is enough to drive anyone out of active ministry, if you ask me. The jump from the pedestal to the good solid ground of earth probably doesn’t look so bad.
November 4th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Mark - Stone’s discernment is not all about me. (The title of the post is in reference to a song title - I do weird stuff like that on this blog.) Nevertheless, this is a personal blog, with personal reflections about a publicly announced event. Stone is free to pursue any personal life of his choosing - although he chose to involve other people by having the letter read publicly on the air.
So yeah - the post was about my impressions of his public announcement and my candid thoughts on it. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so concerned about his fan base, and EWTN might have been more prudent than to allow Francis Mary to make this a public concern. He involved the audience - without his revelation, none of us would have known about it.
The way I feel today is I could care less - I am pretty much detached.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:19 am
Good Lord. Get a grip, people. Some of you people have this guy already married to the woman with eight kids and past the point of no return. Anyone whose faith is shattered by any given person’s temptations must not have very strong faith themselves. And John, really…you go into a hissy fit because “some wymnnin are takin’ men’s jobs?” Does it occur to you that some women NEED those jobs? Every woman does not have a man ride up on a big white horse with a sack of money to take care of her. Sometimes she has elderly parents or kids of her own to take care of and needs a little more than the pin money “wymmin’s jobs” would pay. Your manhood must not be very secure if you have to rant about women “Taking men’s jobs.”
November 5th, 2007 at 10:53 am
We have married priests (not bishops) in the Orthodox Church. It’s quite simple - it helps get in people who want to be priests and married, but it brings the usual problems that married priests have.
The main issue is vows and obedience, which as we know very well, could be violated quite well by married priests, counselors, teachers, …
I pray for Father Francis. All of us have struggles.
November 5th, 2007 at 11:18 am
St Francis went to a Priest who was living in scandal with a woman, the villagers wanted St. Francis to denounce the Priest but he did not. He simply went to the Priest and wept over his hands and said that these were the hands that bring Jesus to life on the altar. Now this Priest saw how much sorrow he caused and repented. Let us have hope and pray.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
I’m stunned. I hadn’t heard of this till reading the blogs today. I was so not expecting this. Poor Fr. Francis. And I feel for this widow, too. I mean it can’t be easy being pidgeon-holed as “that woman” who “took Fr. Francis away.” He’s free, white, & over 21 (pardon the expression). What’d she do, cast a spell? Gimme a break. Sounds like 2 consenting adults who got in over their heads (or not) emotionally. Like Terry said, “stuff happens.” I’m sad that Fr. Francis may possibly leave the priesthood. And where on earth could he go as a lay person? He’s so recognizable. Poor guy. He’ll likely have to leave the state of Alabama at the least.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Keep the sacramental character separate from the vows. A priest who leaves with permission of Rome promises to never use the sacramental powers again unless at someone’s death bed in an emergency.
The sacramental character lasts til death; the vows of clergy can be dispensed from by the Pope or his delegate. If the priest is following a wrong direction, that should come out in interviews related to laicization and then Rome will not allow him to leave. But if Rome sees his leaving as morally good even though not the morally the absolute best…they will allow him to leave and he will not sin. If he circumvents the laicization process, that would be a sin materially though only God knows concerning formal sin and that is why no man can judge another as to interior formal guilt.
Here from new advent’s CAtholic Encyclopedia:
” The Sovereign Pontiff may dispense from the vow, even the solemn vow, of chastity. History contains well-known examples of such dispensations; thus, Julius III permitted Cardinal Pole to dispense even priests who, at the time of the Anglican schism, had contracted marriage; Pius VII dispensed priests who were civilly married under the French Revolution. But such dispensations are only granted for exceptionally grave reasons; and even when a case is one of a simple vow of perpetual chastity freely and deliberately taken, the Holy See ordinarily grants a dispensation only in view of marriage, and imposes a perpetual commutation, such as the condition of approaching the sacraments once a month.”
November 6th, 2007 at 11:35 am
I agree with John. The priest should have guarded carefully against this impurity and the woman should never have entered into this either. Even if this “situation” is only on an emotional level (which I hope is true). We all, no matter our state in life and a grave DUTY to practice strict chastity of mind, heart and body - a husband to his wife, a priest to the Bride of Christ, the church. Amen+
November 6th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I’m not Catholic, but I watch EWTN almost every day. I’ve received a lot spiritually from Father Francis. I just feel very sorry for him. How torn he must have been. None of us dare point a finger. We need to remember that God created him a man before he became a priest. Yes, his vows are important and need to be taken very seriously. It’s just far too easy for us to criticize from where we stand. Where were his “family of God” during all this? Let’s think more about reaching down and pulling up our brothers and sisters, rather than walking on the other side of the road when they need help. The Samaratin chose to get his hands dirty, risk being physically hurt by the same robbers,and then contributed the needed funds to care for the injured man. He also returned to see that he had been taken care of. May Father Francis hear God’s voice clearly in this.
November 12th, 2007 at 9:34 am
Even though I’m deeply saddened by this, it doesn’t concern me, really. It concerns Fr. Francis and this widow. It concerns countless youths out there who looked up to this priest. We’ve always been encouraged as Catholics to pray for more vocations. And then we see priests like this one, on the verge of throwing in the towel, because of a woman in his life. It makes me ponder yet again what in the world is a vow… In American culture, a vow is something you make until you change your mind. People changing their minds/breaking their vows are why more than half of American marriages end in divorce. That’s alot of broken hearts; that’s alot of casualties out there. Those who keep their solemn vows hold lamps of light to an ever-waffling, indecisive world. I applaud those who endeavor to embrace the promises they made to their spouse, and those who made their vows to God… As for Fr. Francis, I feel like Harry (#10): I honestly don’t know what to pray for concerning Fr. Francis. I suppose I just pray for God’s will. More than that, I pray for the youths out there who call Fr. Francis their hero. And I wonder if a prayer is in order for the widow, to open her eyes and to consider, that there are other fish in the sea.