It’s the falling in love…
Some thoughts on what may have happened with Fr. Francis Mary Stone.
You’re Not Like Anybody I Ever Knew
But That Don’t Mean That I Don’t Know Where We Are
And Though I Find Myself Attracted To You
This Time I’m Trying Not To Go Too Far…
I have always liked the Michael Jackson song (from the period when he was almost normal), “It’s the falling in love.” Falling in love is fun - if you never have done it, well, you’ve missed something wonderful. In the beginning, you feel as if you can’t live without the other person, and then it turns into, “I don’t want to live without her.” That can be a problem however if the person is in another marriage, or the one falling in love happens to be a priest.
How does it happen?
It’s The Fallin’ In Love That’s Makin’ Me High
It’s The Being In Love That Makes Me Cry Cry Cry…
Really easy. Especially in the case of a priest or someone living a consecrated life, or in a marriage. First of all, most likely something went wrong in living out one’s vocation. (The first fervor, the romance or the passion went out of it.) In the case of a religious, the well may have gone dry in one’s spiritual life, and you “never miss the water ’till the well runs dry” - Chaka Kahn. :} Yep, it’s true. Difficulties in the spiritual life, acedia, sloth, the dark night - all of this can open a person to drinking from another well. Loneliness can make a man rather vulnerable. If a man senses another person needs him, for protection, affection, support - while he is needy too - well that can be very seductive.
Passions.
And Though I’m Trying Not To Look In Your Eyes
Each Time I Do They Kind Of Burn Right Through Me…
Infatuation enlivens the passions, and pretty soon, it’s the falling in love. As we know, love is blind, and everything else in life takes second place to the falling in love. A man without detachment can justify, rationalize anything about the object of his affection. Celibacy can seem an impossible burden. Emotional needs can take precedence over the strongest idealism, the highest aspirations - even mystical gifts and graces.
Sometimes the loneliness can be so painful, and heaven seems closed or nonexistent, it is then the affections of another can be so comforting and consoling. A man’s strength can be sapped, making him weak and vulnerable. One cannot blame the other person entirely, since it really is the man who has allowed his inordinate affections to lead him astray. It can happen gradually, although there are always warning signs. Nevertheless, the warning signs are denied and rationalized, until it is too late.
It happened to me.
Trading In The Passion For That Taste Of Pain
It’s Only Gonna Happen Again…
In the mid 1970’s, when I returned from Europe, after living as a pilgrim, I was convinced I should re-enter the monastery. I felt I couldn’t live a celibate life alone in the world. My prayer and devotion had dried up, my spiritual life was extremely painful, and the loneliness was sheer torment. In fact, my spiritual life collapsed when I was told the monastery wasn’t accepting novices because the Abbott had resigned, the novice master had left the community, and the community was in disarray. I felt as though I had been duped by God.
Young, and completely inexperienced in the spiritual life, I was scandalized, and thought to myself, “Why even try any longer?” In such a state I was just vulnerable enough to “fall in love” with another. The difference between my experience, and say a priest or religious this happens to, is that I wasn’t in vows, nor was I married to another. (Neither did I want to get married.) But I think I understand how it can happen to them - even when the priest or religious has matured in the spiritual life.
As for me, I came to understand God really did call me to celibacy - I never married - and I got a very good spiritual director.
In conclusion, I’m not saying this is how it happens to every priest who considers leaving his vocation because he fell in love. Whatever the cause, we must pray for our priests and religious, whose spiritual struggles can be likened to a purgatory upon earth.
