You’ve got to have friends…
Expensive friends.
Caryll Houselander calls them psychologically expensive, today we may refer to them as high maintenance or needy. We all have them in our lives - some of us may even be these friends. I for one thought most of my friends were such as these, and then I found out that sometimes I have been a fairly demanding - okay, expensive friend as well.
Out of the”group” of close friends I’ve had since childhood until now, 4 have some form of mental illness - well, depression or another mild form of personality disorder. (IMHO) Another member of the group is a highly functional pathological liar, 2 are/were gay, and 1 is/was bi-sexual. Three oot of the 10 had been sexually abused as children. Only 3 out of 10 are ‘devout’ Catholics, while 2 others are Sunday Catholics. All of those who are married have stable happy marriages with children, and 9 out of 10 of these friends have been relatively successful in their careers. Strangely, only 3 out of these 10 people could be categorized as psychologically expensive - the others do very well. The pathological liar is the one closest to the high maintenance friends, and she only lies to get herself out of troublesome situations the expensive friends tend to create. (So, maybe her lying isn’t so pathological after all.)
Anyway - they are a fun group and I love them dearly. Although I wonder why I’m never invited to their parties any more. (The liar slipped and told me about the holiday party she had the week before Christmas. She had some lame excuse that I would have been invited but I never answer the phone and I never show up anyway. Yeah! Right! What a liar! If I would have known about it I could have called the cops to raid it. I’m so sure it was boring anyway.)
This is one post in a series I’m doing on friendship.
December 30th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Are my eyes deceiving me or did you just claim you WOULD have actually gone to that party if you were invited?
Ok, I feel like I should ramp up to be offended but I know you are messin’ with us so I’m going to resist!
December 30th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
What an assortment of friends! Looks like you’ve got their M.O. figured out:0)
Glad you’re back on A2.
December 30th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Cath - now that was part of the joke.
Tom - I only just figured my MO out. LOL!
December 30th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
Terry–your invited to all my parties–but, sheesh I know you won’t come–just because I live in Utah–is no excuse!
Have you ever met anyone who is “normal?” I don’t think there is such a creature. And what is “normal” anyway? Friends are high maintainence–you have to give them time and attention or you lose the relationships.
December 31st, 2007 at 8:33 am
Tara - Thanks! Friendship does have to be cultivated and cared for just as you say.
(BTW - I’m normal. LOL!)
December 31st, 2007 at 1:02 pm
i had to ditch a couple of long term friends..one is anorexic/bulimic..the other alcoholic tendencies..i don’t get into enmeshment any more & practice detachment most of the time..those around me are far more psychologically healthy..naturally i draw people with problems to me it’s written on my forehead..if you have addictions mental illneses come to Jackie! That’s fine but i deal with it better..i think!
January 1st, 2008 at 9:35 am
oh, if only I had paid more attention in Maths….y’know, those ‘maths puzzles’ sounded just like your post…
“Terry has 10 friends, 4 have mental health issues, 2 were/are gay and 1 was/is bi sexual…. what percentage of the 10 would have invited Terry to their party on a wet weekend in December if they thought that he would actually turn up?”
January 1st, 2008 at 11:38 am
Deb - you are too funny - you are like an Agatha Christie.
January 1st, 2008 at 3:13 pm
My friends are normal, it’s just my family that is psychologically expensive!
I’ll trade you a hypochrondriac-know-it-all for your pathological liar…I could sweeten the pot and throw in a few others of your choosing
January 1st, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Monica - that is funny - actually I’m keeping my liar friend, she has always made me feel good about myself. (Omigosh! Was she lying to me?!)
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:29 pm
I LOVE Agatha Christie…and Monk…and Columbo….and Miss Marple….and Misommer Murders …and….but I am a more defective detective than could possibly be imagined!