It’s got to be real…
Change.
Alcoholics usually hate it when a drinking buddy decides to quit drinking, and they definitely hate drinking heavily in front of a recovered alcoholic. Unless of course they were like my dad, who told people they just thought they were alcoholics and they should just give in and have a drink with him - to be social. Because an alcoholic’s best friend is drink, losing a drinking buddy is not the end of the world for them.
However, there is something in human nature that inclines all of us to want to keep our companions, who support or enable us in some fault or weakness we find ourselves inordinately attached to. Think of the gossip whose friend tells her she doesn’t want to hear or discuss that stuff any longer. She may think to herself, ‘Who will I tell these things to? What will I talk about? I’m all alone now.’ That is pretty simplistic, but I’m sure you get my point.
Symptoms of loneliness and heartache.
These fears may be intensified for the gay person whose friend announces he is going to quit the lifestyle, go into therapy, or even get married. One fellow told me that after two of his friends actually fell in love (with women) and got married, he felt betrayed by them. The three of them had been friends since grade school, and after college they went out to gay bars together - they were inseparable friends. It was not long before the man’s two friends got tired of the gay scene, the drugs and drinking, and casual sex, and began going to church. To make a long story short - his friends became more religious, each met a woman and fell in love, and both of them got married and have families today.
Much later, the forsaken friend was able to admit that he was angry with his friends, not only had they betrayed him by “going straight” - he felt abandoned by them as well. He said he feared being alone and felt like an outcast because of his sexual orientation. They would be normal now, and he would always be abnormal. They would find happiness, fulfillment, and acceptance, while he would always be the outsider, the “interesting” or “fun” one, but never “one of them”. He rejected his friends, only keeping in touch through Christmas cards and birthday cards.
Ex-gays expose the fears and insecurities of gay culture.
That is pretty extreme and an isolated case, yet it seems to me it may also be an unconscious motivation for gay people who virulently reject what is termed the “ex-gay movement”. That is, men and women who have left the homosexual lifestyle, and through reparative therapy, come to accept their heterosexuality. The folks who are successful are highly motivated to change, and although not all people may be able to overcome SSA issues entirely, many go on to live their lives with greater freedom of spirit. Again, the Catholic Church does not require individuals to change their orientation, rather to live chastely and celibately.
Isn’t that special.
That said, I think the self-conscious-uniqueness of being gay, reaffirmed by an artificial and separate cultural identity, helps to foster a sort of fundamentalist conviction that homosexuality is a natural variant of human sexuality. Therefore the ”gay community” promotes “coming out” as an act of solidarity amongst active homosexuals, who otherwise, for a large majority, led more or less quiet, normal lives prior to the late 1960’s. The idea of safety and community, as well as power in numbers, led to the coming out campaign and gay activisim, based upon the feminist and civil rights movement.
Any deviation from the agenda threatens the gay political movement which seeks parity for homosexuals with heterosexuals as far as marriage and family rights concerns, and so on. Hence, the ex-gay possibility is perceived as a heretical and rebellious act by proponents of the gay agenda. I’m convinced the resistance of gay people to the idea is similar to the story above, of the man whose friends left the gay lifestyle to marry women, while he took it personally as a betrayal of their friendship.
Soul Deep.
Anyway - this lengthy analysis has been my introduction to the following article on Lifesite which deals with the issue of ex-gays:
ARLINGTON, VA, May 7, 2008 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Individuals who once considered themselves homosexuals but who have since left the lifestyle, often remain silent about their past life due to persecution from homosexual activists, an ABC News video revealed on Monday.
“A person may not be happy being gay, has anyone ever thought of that?” asked “David,” an anonymous man who has overcome his homosexual inclinations, on ABC News.
“I’ve found feelings could change,” David added.
Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays (PFOX) observed that “David’s” desire for anonymity reflects the wide-scale persecution individuals like him face from those supportive of homosexuality.
“Many ex-gays are afraid to come out of the closet because of the harassment they will receive - their names, phone numbers and personal information posted on gay websites, attacked at ex-gay exhibit booths, press releases issued against them, etc,” stated PFOX.
“The tactics of gay activists are to go after anyone who comes out publicly as ex-gay, force them back into the closet, and then claim that ex-gays don’t exist because there aren’t any out in public.” - Lifesite News
Check out Abbey-Roads for a Will and Grace segment on the topic - it’s funny. Oops! People were offended so I took it down.
PFOX - parents and friends of ex-gays. (I only know about them through Lifesite.)
- Queer , Opinion , SSA Issues
May 9th, 2008 at 10:40 am
How “tolerant” of them … so willing to celebrate “diversity” of being and thought … NOT!
Gay activists like to also point out that if an ex-gay isn’t “100% heterosexual” (meaning they still sometimes find themselves attracted to some degree to members of the same sex) then that means he isn’t really a heterosexual. This is a fallacy. Sexuality isn’t an “either/or” concept. I really do think it’s more like a continuum. That said, I really don’t think there is such a thing as homosexuality. I think gays are heterosexuals with homosexual problems.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
I’m really somewhat ignorant about this whole subject, so please bear with me. What Jeron said about it being a continuum rather that either/or makes sense. I know there have been people who have been successful in changing their same-sex orientation. I also know there have been those who gave it an honest effort and were unable to. Maybe if someone sensed that they would be one of these latter, it would be better to just focus on leading a moral life, and not keep beating their head against a wall as far as orientation is concerned. Certainly it wouldn’t be fair to a spouse to get married if one felt that one’s hetero re-orientation was a bit shaky.
May 9th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
“Maybe if someone sensed that they would be one of these latter, it would be better to just focus on leading a moral life, and not keep beating their head against a wall as far as orientation is concerned.”
I agree completely Melody - the other danger reparative therapy programs could pose is they may offer people false hope. It could get scary if friends and family, or even worse - a confessor or spiritual director - would begin to latch onto the possibilty for change and force their loved ones into some sort of treatment or re-programming situation. Without doubt the program would NOT be successful unless the person elected to enter therapy and was highly motivated to change. Most people can not even fathom the idea of change, much less feel a need to do so; the challenge of a chaste and celibate life is demanding enough.
The Catholic approach is the best approach - seeking to sanctify one’s life first, and then let the Lord take care of the rest.
BTW - I was told that the men I refer to who got married, their wives knew about their past before marriage. From what I’ve been told, they each have been happily and faithfully married with children for over 30 years.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
So what’s with all of the gay stuff?
May 9th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Terry,
This is OT, but applies to the gay theme you have going.
Have you ever seen the movie, “But I’m a Cheerleader!”
I know it was on the Independent Film Channel a lot a few years ago (I don’t have access to luxurous tv channels anymore so have no idea if it still pops up). Anyway, if you, or others don’t know, it’s about a girl who is apparently not real attracted to her boyfriend, who was apparently, if I remember correctly, quite the “catch.” And so although she has no gay inclinations, her family sends her away to reparative therapy…where she is introduced to lesbianism.
If you’ve seen it, I’d LOVE your take on the movie.
May 10th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
the issue of “gayness” is based upon revolutionary politics which have their origins in Marxism and 19th century anarchism, as do feminism and abortion politics. Hence why one frequently sees these movements intermingled - they share common ideological roots.