T & A at Mass.
‘Tis the season…
When women with out discretion and taste attend Mass looking like hookers.
Anyone who reads this blog knows I’m not all that concerned about what people wear to Mass. If it is really bad, I try not to look. But Saturday evening, a nice, rather affluent looking, fashionable family sat in the first pew in front of me at Mass. So you see, I couldn’t help but notice how attractive they all were. (I think they really wanted people to notice.) Neither could I help observe mom putting on more make-up, while daughter fixed her hair - over and over, and dad fixing his shorts, over and over… Baby daughter was busy going through mom’s purse. All three females were scantily clad - I love that term. I’m not kidding - mom was hot and so was the elder daughter. [Yes, I tried to keep my eyes closed - but I had to open them at various times throughout Mass.]
When women go to church dressed like sluts, I think it is safe to assume MOST men suffer from inappropriate thoughts, and/or temptations. Needless to say, Mass was distracting last evening and I did my very best to reject thoughts like these… (And these may be tame compared to what a younger guy might think.)
Hot mama.
Mom is falling out of her top as she hands me the sign of peace - I think ‘pull your strap up’. She does and then pulls her tiny little white jeans skirt down just a bit lower below her hips. (I look the other way, pray for Our Lady’s help.)
Mr., do you want other men to look?
‘Husband,’ I ask to myself, ‘did you notice how short your wife’s skirt is? How about your daughter’s? Are you proud of their boobs, is that why they wear tight tops?’ (I immediately try to get rid of the thoughts, they enter my mind like lightening, and I pray a quick prayer to Our Lady.)
12 years old going on 18.
I think to myself, ‘What is the oldest daughter wearing? Looks like a tank top, over a bra, over a bikini top? Did they just come from the beach?’ She is standing directly in front of me. (I pray, O God come to my assistance, O Lord make haste to help me - and beg Our Lady to free me from these thoughts.)
Saved by Communion.
After Communion I resolved to sit a couple of pews further back. As we stood for prayer, I noticed the family had left - they must have left immediately after receiving Communion. (Did I mention they arrived after Mass started? We all have our bad days.)
[No - I am not a pervert. Although the people in front of me were obviously exhibitionists. But husbands and dads - make your wives and daughters put some clothes on when they are out in public, or at least when they attend Mass. And maybe mention church isn't beauty parlor time either - and explain to them how temptation and men's minds work.]
June 1st, 2008 at 9:00 am
A family like this was at Mass with me a few weeks ago. I kept wondering if the females realized that they were half naked in church or if they genuinely thought they looked appropriate. The teenaged daughter’s outfit was so obscene it was obvious that she wasn’t wearing underwear. Most of the women in my parish dress more like fundamentalist Mormons or do the sweats or mumu’s thing so they stuck out like sore thumbs. They haven’t been back since.
June 1st, 2008 at 9:08 am
Great post, Terry.
I look at streetwalkers every time I go for a walk in my neighborhood.
I should get a break in the House of the Lord.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:35 am
A couple weeks ago one of the teens in my parish wore a halter top…with a bra. I was like “HUH??” The point is to wear it without a bra or at least a strapless bra. In any case, halter tops are NEVER appropriate at Mass!
June 1st, 2008 at 11:37 am
What they need is Sister Columba and Sister Mary Faith (grade school teachers of mine)sitting behind them. I still feel guilty if I wear anything sleeveless to Mass. The rule used to be, our skirts had to touch the floor when we were kneeling. I used to cheat on that one; and roll my skirt up a few inches after I got out the door. But even in the mini-skirt days, I never saw as much skin as some people are showing now; I agree it’s tasteless and classless.
June 1st, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I used to have that problem at some parishes. Another problem is young couples who think they are at the movies and can’t keep their hands off of each other. Constant rubbing and patting and smoothing, etc.
Other than changing churches (and I did that one day), or going to St. Agnes all the time (or a few other parishes), I have gotten good results from sitting up with the Pharisees in the front rows.
Pharisees seem to be full covered most times.
June 1st, 2008 at 1:05 pm
When I see young girls dressed to look as sexy as possible my first thought is, “where are the fathers?”
Fathers are men (at least some of them are:) and know how men think.
June 1st, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Great point about the husband and father. It was a rare occasion if I wore something my father felt was inappropriate, but he always let me know how he felt those times.
June 1st, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Why don’t parish priests post modesty dress codes at the church entrance like they do in Rome?
We had a similar incident today and it’s distracting for everyone and disturbs the Christian community.
June 1st, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Padre Pio on modesty in church:
http://catholicmodesty.com/PadrePio.html
June 1st, 2008 at 2:30 pm
one more thing, about the dad in your story—since Humane Vitae and the predicted fall out of artificial contraception, even dear mothers and wives have been reduced to the state of “sexual object”–thus, in earlier days a man would cry with shame to see his wife so dressed in a public place, now he (not necessarily the man in the church, I’m referring to the man of our culture), clouded by a culture of deformed sex (sex broken from life)–he no longer “sees” his beloved as person, but as object and if others view her as object, that makes him proud, ie, Trophy Wife. Thus, more and more “normal” women are undergoing odd plastic surgeries, making their sexual features the primary part of their person to receive attention, instead of the eyes which are the real beauty of the Christian woman.
Our Lady at Fatima warned us of these things, but it’s distressing to see them come to pass.
June 1st, 2008 at 4:15 pm
What about the responsibilty of the priest? Doesn’t he have to insist on approprite dress code in the Church - unfortunately to often the priest falls under the spell of human respect and forgets his responsibility to his flock with this delicate problem. Lay people have such power in the parish nowadays that it becomes easier to say nothing. And the ongoing lack of reverence and the distraction it can cause continues.
June 1st, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Excellent point. Some of the rags that are worn to mass are extremely inappropriate. I wonder how something to utterly obvious can escape people so easily?
June 1st, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Dear Terry,
Interesting Post!
We really struggle with keeping our daughters three wearing “cute” stuff while keeping modest. We stress modesty in clothing at home. If there is a question about something the girls want to where they must get Dad’s ok. It is funny. The oldest one does not care about clothes. Daughter #2 is a clothes horse. Daughter #3 has God given beauty but she could give a whit. I always say a pray to our Lady when clothes shopping with my girls.
Pax,
Katie
June 1st, 2008 at 6:19 pm
I have heard that more folks participate in porn than in sports including spectators, so to speak.Sadly I think that people are loosing their sense of modesty. I believe that they think they ARE modest compared to what they are continually viewing.Maybe this is why men dont notice what their wives are wearing. I dont get it.I hate what little the females are wearing.Tasteless ,tacky,and irreverant.
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:02 am
Great post, Terry. If I were the pastor of a parish, I would reprint your article and put it in the Sunday bulletin!
(Any dear priests reading this, please consider this suggestion
)
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:40 am
In defense of the men for the moment, a guy isn’t going to win the battle where he has to say, “Don’t dress like your mother!” Despite having a reputation as a misogynist etc., I do recognize practical limits to men’s authority. As my wife noted long ago, blame the mothers.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:38 am
Hi Terry -
I am a member of parish council, and recently our new pastor held meetings to acquaint himself with whatever concerns and hopes for the future were on our minds. Each parish councilperson was assigned a table of 4-6 parishioners, where we took down comments.
One concern was a lack of modest attire at Mass. When this was brought up, one woman (at least 6′ tall, big-boned and dressed in chinos and a long-sleeved button-down shirt, buttoned to the top), opined that she wasn’t going to listen to any man tell her how to dress, and if they were looking suggestively at the women, their minds were on the wrong thing. I replied that the comment was not directed at her, and that as Christians we should hope to bring our brothers and sisters to God, and perhaps it wasn’t good to distract others from this goal.
She said if they looked at her, she’d give them something to look at!
As the mens’ jaws collectively dropped during this tirade, I realized it wasn’t going to do any good to argue the point!
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
“Excuse me but do these stretch pants make my butt look fat?” Women in stretch pants is another issue, since so many of them tend to be a bit lardish after they acquire a certain age. Then the stretch pants leave little to the imagination - cellulite and all. AS IF someone wated to imagine that anyhoo. The problem is more than just the adolescent female wearing the hip huggers exposing that smart tattoo just above the butt crack when they kneel during the consecration. Hard not to look when it is thrust right before your eyes.
The “just don’t look” argument does not work, often the exposed body parts are just right at eye level in a crowded church. By the time one looks away one has already seen.
Another pet peeve: MEN who wear SHORTS and FLIP-FLOPS to Mass. GRRRR. Like anyone wants to look at their knobby knees and callused toes.
And chewing gum in Mass, don’t even get me started on that one.
Catholics in the USA have lost all dignity or propriety.
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Terry:
From the response here it seems that this is a problem everywhere. Your coming to see Jesus why would you dress to lead other’s into occasions of sin?
This happened to me just recently. One of my friends’ daughters came home from college for the Summer, she was two rows in front of me–her skirt was barely below her as-! My husband was standing next to me, and the entire time I was wondering if he was distracted by her bare skin–it was so painful.
After the Mass, I thought about saying something to her mom–but did not quite know the correct way to approach her. I asked my husband if he was distracted–YES!
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:58 pm
As for Americans not knowing how to dress in Mass (I tend to agree here):
If any of your have been to the Basilica of Our Lady of Gaudelupe in Mexico City, there is a sign outside it, rather prominently, that says please don’t wear shorts in the Church.
In English. Only English.
Sigh.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 am
Once at the Winn Dixie, my then four year old darling saw a lady bend over to pick up a gallon of milk.
The lady was wearing a bra type top, and super short cut off jeans.
The four year old says “Mamma, why is that lady naked?”.
The lady blushed and ran.
Another lady in the area looked at me, and we both bit our lips to keep from laughing out loud.
And this same child can point out “naked” at mass. Halter tops are on her personal “do not” wear list.
(And no, I am not in the Jumper crowd.)
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 am
Of course I’m not in the jumper crowd either - but I really do not mind modest shorts or cropped pants and complete tops and shirts on men and women at Mass. (I guess I’m supposed to object - but I don’t.) It is just the revealing stuff that I find distracting.
What if men wore spandex/lycra tights without underwear and bare mid-rift t-shirts at Mass? I know! That’s my point.
So ladies, no nipples showing, no cleavage showing, no bare middles, no thongs showing, no below the hip anything showing, no butt-cheeks hanging out, and no snatch-shots. None of that is appropriate for Church.
Can it be any clearer than that?
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Perhaps a compromise can be made between the women who want to wear a sports bra to mass and those who want to wear a stole.
June 3rd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
I live in a fairly affluent part of South Florida and am sorry to say that this type of dress is all too common on a lot of the younger girls and their ‘dying to be a teen-ager again’ moms. Other guys my age I know in the parish have noticed this trend and mentioned that it does become a distraction. I’ve started going to the early mass where I’m probably the youngest guy in the church and there are no more distractions.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I think you’re fabulous Terry.
Please can I crop and post your remarks in our Sunday bulletin? (If only I could get away with it!) I don’t mind “shorts” if they hit the knee. No Thomas Magnum shorts please…
I suppose common sense isn’t so common.