You axst the question.
A friendly commenter posed this question on another post:
“Obviously, sexuality is a gift from God. How is a homosexual supposed to accept his sexuality, if not as part of their basic makeup?”
My answer:
Remember - this is only my personal opinion. That said - yes, sexuality is a gift from God, “God made them male and female.” He made us heterosexual, male and female. At best, I believe homosexuality is really more a temptation for the heterosexual person, or an aberration of human sexuality. Fundamentally, the person is always heterosexual. The inclination to homosexuality is an objective disorder; Natural law, Tradition, the Church, psychology (up until recently) all agree on this. God does not create disorder. We can say the problem is the result of the fall of man - original sin - which is hotly contested in today’s world. I’m convinced it is all basic anthropology, theology, and so on. It just takes lots of humility and prayer and suffering to come to terms with that.
“Some men are incapable of sexual activity from birth.”
However, some people claim they were born this way. Maybe so - just as some people are born blind, others mentally challenged, other’s without arms or legs, others conjoined, and so on. These are all disorders in the natural order. Oftentimes these people seem to have extraordinary gifts that seem to compensate for the disorder they were born with, others may find a cure, most learn to live with it, and develop their other gifts.
“Some have been deliberately made so.”
Other people, perhaps under duress, may have been “made this way” from some outside cause, or they may have mistaken temptation for sexual identity. In other words, homosexuality may have become a coping mechanism, an acquired behavior, an accommodation, or an adaptation of sorts. Possibly, but not always, due to trauma, same-sex peer rejection, feelings of inferiority, lack of identity with a same sex parent or sibling, sexual molestation or shaming, or any number of reasons, the person might be said to have “chosen” or “accepted” the inclination; albeit without total freedom or even informed consent - merely as an unconscious “adaptation”. Upon discovery of the homosexual culture, the person may have recognized it as a “safe place”, a state of being, or lifestyle supported by like-minded, non-threatening people. In this way, one eventually begins to believe and say, “Yeah! That is me. I’ve always been this way - so I’m gay! I found my niche!” This goes along with my theory that many people are deceived, and for whatever reasons, want to be deceived. It is just that however, my theory.
Yes, yes, I know that is all very simplistic and some people would have us believe homosexuals are like angels, each an unique species unto himself, in an unique lifestyle. But the basic fact is, the homosexual’s real sexual identity is heterosexual - male or female, the temptation or inclination, indeed in some cases, the compulsion to act out with the same sex is disordered. I’m convinced that people with this disorder are called to chastity - they can, and oftentimes do, share their life with a partner - who both agree to abstain from sexual relations with one another and others, for the love of God and the peace of conscience. (BTW - that is what I always mean by chastity for single people - NO SEX - not even “self-cultivation”, no porn, no cruising, no fantasizing, no sex.)
“Some there are who have freely renounced sex for the sake of God’s reign.”
Other people with these inclinations may live in religious communities - I can’t really speak to that however. Others find support in programs such as Courage. Many will find support in same-sex friendship - if the friendships are chaste and they permit themselves to relate this way. Yet all will find support in prayer, the sacraments, a life of service and charity, and living in obedience to Catholic Church teaching. As another friend said, “Holiness is the opposite of homosexuality.”
“Deny your very self, take up your cross and follow me.”
If one chooses to live a chaste and celibate life, that person thinks they have done a great deal - and indeed they have. But I’m convinced there is one thing more a person can do to become a saint, as in the story of the rich young man: “If you wish to be perfect, you must sell what you have and give to the poor, and then follow Christ.” I interpret that to mean, if one really wants to be free, they need to renounce their very self that identifies as gay - since saying - “I’m same-sex attracted”, “I’m gay”, “I’m homosexual”, holds the person captive in that milieu or cultural mindset. The soul is still attached and held by that little thread, imprisoned in that broken image of self. It is one of the most difficult things for gay people to do, to renounce their attachment to their unique-ness as gay people. Very often it means taking a very hard look into the painful past, in order to understand the cause of their disorientation. But, “what is impossible for man, is possible for God”.
“Not everyone can accept this teaching.” - Matthew 19: 10-12
And no - I am not saying one no longer experiences homosexual inclinations, or that all people are to be totally healed, or they should suddenly want to marry a member of the opposite sex. But by the grace of God, and often times long effort, they can experience detachment from homosexuality as their core identity, and will to live as the new creation the Blood of Christ won for them. And most especially, find strength to resist the temptations of the world, the flesh, and the devil, all of which conspire to cause the fall of one resolved to live chastely.
I know people who have done this - I know people who have been freed from the yoke of slavery the sin of homosexuality becomes. While the very conflict and struggle can be a means to great sanctity.
- Chastity , Common sense , Opinion , Queer
June 14th, 2008 at 11:55 am
“Fundamentally, the person is always heterosexual.”
It’s hard to convince anyone with an argument that flies in the face of every shred of evidence. That statement is just not true.
June 14th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
So, Terry, do I get SS Disability benefits and a handicapped parking tag?
You know, since I’m disabled and handicapped?
June 14th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Because if I do, I’ll quit working right now and spend all of my time in prayer.
I MIGHT even go to Lourdes and drink some water.
After all, I’ll have allllll the time in the world.
June 14th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Sorry, but I’ve been watching this whole thing like a train wreck and I’m going to speak my mind.
I’ll willingly accept any conclusion the Church reaches, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept some of the half-baked arguments it uses.
Gay issues are a matter for very sensitive, and extremely cautious pastors, on a one-on-one basis. Look at the Holy Father. He stands firm, but he doesn’t thunder and he doesn’t drive people away by harping on the subject. It’s also a matter for groups like Courage.
It’s a matter that’s not going to go away, and the situation can’t be helped by everyone and his brother discussing it to death.
Fact: Gay people are often loyal to the Church, in spite of having every cause to do otherwise.
Fact: Using junk science and psycholigical jargon that was discredited long ago won’t convince anyone.
Fact: Natural Law arguments are likely to run into a brick wall because 90% of the population isn’t going to be able to understand how it can be called natural law when it’s something that’s competely unnatural. Saying it’s a philosophical term won’t do any good because most people ( Deo gratias! ) aren’t philosophers. Say God’s law, rather than confusing nature with the construct of a troop of Greeks and Romans.
Fact: On the other hand, gays are just going to have to realize the Church does’t respond to pressure or change quickly, if it changes at all. I might add that the pressure and tactics used are the very sort that will do more harm than good.
Fact: There’s too much discussion of the act, and not nearly enough about the Church’s stand on how gays are to be treated.
Sorry, Terry, you’re a loyal son of the Church and a good friend, but I have to say it.
June 14th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I feel like I walked into the middle of something else but for the post itself: I think the post is great, Terry.
June 14th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Thanks you guys - I don’t really expect anyone to agree with me, I was just answering Michael’s question from a previous post. It is just my opinion and I am not trying to impose my views upon anyone. Otherwise, I stand by what accords with the official teaching of the Church.
June 14th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Brilliantly and wonderfully put, Terry. And good discussion points.
90% of just about everything is in dispute. That doesn’t make something wrong.
The “normality” homosexuality came about on a vote of psychiatrists under intense pressure from homosexual lobbyists. Psychiatrists themselves, like all of use certainly have their issues also.
Certainly there are homosexuals who are loyal to the Church. But most of the homosexuals who are the most vocal about their perceived maltreatment by the Church have many more issues than that.
They want homosexual ordination (The cost to the U.S. Church of homosexual abuse of young post-pubescent boys by priests and other Church agents ((81% of all incidents)) is $2 billion and climbing, folks.), married priests, wymenpriests, lay homilists, homosexual pride celebrations, etc.
Most homosexuals who claim to be loyal to the Church, are far more loyal to the specious “Spirit of Vatican II.”
June 14th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Wow, that was well said, and very well written. Totally Catholic too!Great read Mr. Nelson.
June 14th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Hmmm…The “sexuaity is a gift from God” just seems like more sophistry to indulge.
When inspected carefully, all things good or ill are gifts from God, because He either acts to make these happen or allows evils to occur. In all things we are to praise Him for His generosity.
Yes, food is a gift from God too. But things must be eaten in right measure and in due order. Medicine is a gift from God, but in the wrong hands and the wrong dose are poisons. So sexuality being a gift from God, this too must be used according to its proper ends.
Yes, I find the use of the “Gift from God” thesis to be a bit worn and tired, an excuse for some to sin and harm their souls.
June 14th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Thom, you said
Look at the Holy Father. He stands firm, but he doesn’t thunder and he doesn’t drive people away by harping on the subject. It’s also a matter for groups like Courage.
Have you read his 1986 document ?
http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/docum ents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_19861001_homosexual-persons_en.html
It’s sounds like Focus on the Family.
My ‘favorite’ part:
But the proper reaction to crimes committed against homosexual persons should not be to claim that the homosexual condition is not disordered. When such a claim is made and when homosexual activity is consequently condoned, or when civil legislation is introduced to protect behavior to which no one has any conceivable right, neither the Church nor society at large should be surprised when other distorted notions and practices gain ground, and irrational and violent reactions increase.
“Keep pushing it, fags, and you’ll live to regret it.” ?
I read the whole document to my wife (doctor of clinical psychology, used to work for a GLBT center) today and she was rather shocked.
I have actually apologized to my gay relatives, since I once called homosexuality disordered.
June 14th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
wow, all i can say is that was balanced, well written, well expressed.
PAX
June 14th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Terry, you should put “All gay, all the time” as a blog byline
“All intrinsically disordered” is a bit long
I don’t know if you’re a Trekkie, but there’s this fun episode where a planet has homosexuality as the norm and the few heteros are persecuted.
June 15th, 2008 at 5:44 am
I really think it should be remembered, while we pick and choose snippets of “evidence”, that the psychiatrists who lost that battle forty years ago also considered religious faith to be a “social disorder”.
June 15th, 2008 at 5:58 am
Very thoughtful post, Terry. Maybe I have pushed you a little bit in elucidating your thought. It’s clear that many of your readers have strong opinions on this topic too, and have contributed to a thoughtful discussion.
We know that some day all will be revealed for us. I always say that the deposit of faith is deeper today than it was yesterday, and will become deeper still tomorrow. As you know, I believe that things will become much clearer in human terms too, in the life of the Church on earth. Theology is not static, and certainly didn’t end with St. Thomas. (Remember, that he didn’t exactly accept the idea of the Immaculate Conception, and decided it was best to defer to the judgement of history….ditto St. Bonaventure.)
My biggest problem in all of this is that it just doesn’t make sense for a percentage of the population to be forced to go through life with a disorder or deficiency like this. Viewed one way, it’s like an awfully unfair sentence, isn’t it? The vast majority of people get to accept their sexuality as an integral part of their personality, and choose to enjoy a mature sex life in sanctified marriage, and this group is labelled disordered simply because of the way that they are wired.
I agree with you on points. All of the possiblities that you raise, which might explain a state of homosexuality, may in fact address some percentage of homosexuals, but only a small number, I believe. After reading, and rereading the post and comments several times, I believe that what we are left with is that heterosexuals, who feel only sexual attraction to the opposite sex, are able to accept their sexuality as an integral part of their makeup (i.e. created self ), but homosexuals cannot. That’s simply not reasonable. It may have seemed reasonable at one time in history, but it can no longer be defended.
I have to continue to believe that sexuality is an integral part of everyones makeup, and must be respected as a positive aspect of one’s personality; at least for the vast majority. (Sure, there are some individuals in a confused psycho-sexual state.) The feeling of complete acceptance from God is crucial to how one faces the world. How else can one communicate the love of God to others? Granted, some homosexual religious probably fall right into this category, and don’t relate to others in the best manner, but I think just as many heterosexual religious are ‘affectively immature’.
I have been living a chaste, celibate life for a number of years now. I attend Mass nearly every day. I believe in the Real Presence in the Eucharist. I love the psalms and chant, or recite, parts of the Divine Office throughout the day. Does any of this make me any less homosexual than I was ten years ago, when I was agnostic? My sexuality is simply part of who I am. It’s certainly not the most important part. I don’t bother to mention it to anyone I happen to meet. I don’t flaunt it. I have never marched in a parade….other than a St. Patrick’s day parade when I was a kid…
I don’t own a rainbow flag. I tend to agree with the commentor who stated that activists may cause more harm than good for their particular cause. So I guess I agree with you up to a point. I don’t see any reason to identify myself as any way special because of my sexual orientation, but it is an integral part of my nature.
I am not more attracted to the opposite sex than I was thirty years ago, as a kid, when I was brainwashed by some religious, and attempted to prove my manhood with the opposite sex. That was a serious mortal sin. Subsequent sex in the context of a loving monogamous homosexual relationship was a mortal sin, according to some. Was one more of a sin than the other? Which? Why? I have to believe that it was far more grievous in the first instance, because I was doing something which I knew was simply unnatural.
Somewhere I read the following, which succinctly expresses what I believe is the so-called “gift of gay”, or “homosexual”, or whatever else one cares to label the state.
“For the homosexual, the road to experiencing the love and acceptance of others, to finding self-acceptance and to discovering God’s love for the whole person can be an arduous one. Because of the isolation that many homosexuals feel, especially in early adolescence, they are often led to develop deep inner lives. The loneliness of growing up homosexual (particularly in the past) forces many homosexuals inward, to a level of self-understanding and awareness that is the foundation for a healthy spirituality. Is it possible that in an era of increased interest in spirituality God is calling these men, in particular, to lead people closer to God in prayer? Further, might their hard-won experience of self-acceptance help them better counsel those who seek to experience the love and acceptance of God in their own lives?”
– Michael
June 15th, 2008 at 8:31 am
““All gay, all the time” as a blog byline.”
LOL! This blog’s reputation is totally shot now.
I’m not really a Trekkie - but I know the episode. LOL!
June 15th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Some hack psychiatrists actually lobotomized and/or institutionalized gay people. Homosexuality is simply a variation, to be found among animals as well. There is nothing wrong with it. I find it atrocious that some gay people let religions tell them otherwise. You’re bound to be messed up.
It used to be a common thing, thanks to Aquinas, to view every sex other than the ‘missionary position’ as immoral (how the celibate monk figured that one out, who knows). It used to be common to view sex as a ‘necessary evil’, thanks to Augustine (Aquinas was actually the liberal among the two).
It used to be believed that the semen was the whole being, to be implanted in the womb.
The Catholic church vehemently opposed democracy. Ecumenism was deemed impossible and the killing of ‘heretics’ was the natural thing to do.
In brief, opinions have changed countless times.
June 15th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Michael - thanks for your response.
June 15th, 2008 at 8:36 am
That’s ok, Terry, I am the blog equivalent of a fag hag.
June 15th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Hey Gerald– you quoted someone else way on up. I would never have anything nice to say about an “ex-gay” group.”
Courage my ass.
June 15th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Hmm I don’t see the comment I quoted.
I’ve been wondering for some time about this “Natural Law” thing - some people act as if one could go to http://www.naturallaw.com and find out all about it, as if there were some defined version one could buy in book form or something.
June 15th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Ter, Great post! I didn’t realize you were such a brilliant theologian.
“Sexuality is a gift from God… Fundamentally, the person is always heterosexual.”
Of course!! The confusion in many “Catholic” minds over this issue may be because most Americans are Calvinists than truly Catholic. They believe that sin is natural to the man, but that is not what the Church teaches. To quote Mark Shea on this topic, “sin may be NORMAL, but it is never natural.”
He goes on to say that:
“…in America, everybody is a Calvinist, including the Catholics. We believe that the fall is identical with nature, and therefore believe that when you see a man in sin, you see him as he “really” is. Goodness is the mask, corruption is his nature….I was corrected in this false and heretical belief years ago by my favorite priest in the world, Fr. Michael Sweeney, now president of the Dominican School of Philosophy and Theology. The reality is quite contrary. Sin is the mask. It is not what names us but what makes us anonymous. Sin, because of the fall, is normal. But sin is never “natural”. It does not constitute who we are, it *destroys* who we are. It is when the human person takes his place as the redeemed creature God made him that we begin to truly see his face and know his name.”
June 15th, 2008 at 11:37 am
We’re such lemons. First product off the assembly line and already screwed. A company would issue a recall instead of keeping up production. I claim manufacturer’s liability
I’d be interested to see an explanation of the original sin concept (Augustine was no fun at parties. My grandfather is named August, he’s a renowned photographer, so me = Augustinus)
in the context of science. Obviously, there wasn’t this dude called Adam who ran around on his own for a while, until Eve was made from his rib (I call rigging anyway. Eve was framed) who lived in a garden where a snake with legs talked them into eating from a tree. (If you say the snake is metaphorical, the same claim can be made for Adam & Eve)
I don’t think I’ve ever seen an explanation of evolution & the original sin concept.
June 15th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
“But take care that your hearts are not turned to false ways so that you become servants and worshippers of other gods…” Deuteronomy 11:16
We must be careful at all times what we say for the possibility of giving scandal to the souls of others - not OFFENSE but scandal.
The Lord calls us sheep for good reason - sheep are stupid and need a shepherd. We are stupid sheep, nothing more.
June 15th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
We are stupid sheep, nothing more.
Speak for yourself. Stupid sheep don’t fly to the moon.
June 15th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Those who say that homosexuality is just a “normal” vaziant–because–hey, look at the animals, there is a normal animal variant of homosexual behaviors also. So they erroneously conclude that it must be normal? When Adam and Eve fell from Grace they brought disorder and chaos into the world.
It only makes common sense that mens parts do not fit with mens parts, nor womens with womens. The original intent, by the creator is men and women together creating new life.
Therefore, I totally agree with you Terry, that “Fundamentally, the person is always heterosexual.” But, then sin entered the world and corrupted God’s original intent.
The fight is to return to God’s plan, and yes homosexuality is a sin–yes, opinions may change from day to day–but truth never changes–homosexuality is an imprinting of an inclination to sin–an inclination that one can only overcome in turning to God.
June 15th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Adam & Eve. Great, now we’re on a fundamentalist level.
June 15th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Tara, since you went there.
That part about “mens’ parts don’t fit.”
I’m laughing so hard right now.
Seriously.
June 17th, 2008 at 11:52 am
“But by the grace of God, and often times long effort, they can experience detachment from homosexuality as their core identity, and will to live as the new creation the Blood of Christ won for them.” Terry, I loved this part. And everything else you’ve said is right on target. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve been eavesdropping on our *Courage* meetings.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:55 am
You are not alone in your thoughts- I have worked through my thoughts on this for close to 46 years and have come to the exact same opinion- and I pray that it is through prayer, the sacraments, and knowledge that I indeed have come to these conclusions. I’ve never had the courage to discuss it with anyone before except anonymously; it is the measure of peace that I experience which is the sign that my thoughts are consistent with the teachings of the church. God bless you for your willingness to put forward honestly, I believe, what needs to be shared more often!