Holy intoxication.
What a fool believes.
The title of this post sounds like a Batman expletive, but it’s not. However, a ‘holy intoxication’ may be the inspiration, motivation, or grace which initiates the way of life for the “fool for Christ” or pilgrim ascetic. [St. Teresa touches on an aspect of holy intoxication, calling it a 'foolishness for God'. She uses the term as it refers to the stages of prayer, specifically the 'third water', in her Autobiography, Chapter 16. Although she returns to it in her other writings; Meditations, Interior Castle, and so on, as well.]
That said, I think the beginning or “novitiate” for the way of a pilgrim is very much like the experiences of the bride and the lover in the Song of Songs. The pilgrim embraces the Christian life wholeheartedly, even vehemently. Having fallen in love with Christ, he begins to understand those things he once considered gain, as so much loss in the light of Christ. With St Paul, he exclaims: “I have come to rate all as loss in the light of the surpassing knowledge of my Lord Jesus Christ. For his sake I have forfeited everything; I have accounted all else rubbish so that Christ may be my wealth and I may be in him, not having any justice of my own…” - Philippians 3:7-9
“For here we have no lasting city…” - Hebrews 13:14
Like Esther, the pilgrim, “consumed with mortal anguish” and subsequently moved by holy fear, takes prayer as his only recourse, and cries out to God, ”My Lord, our King, you alone are God. Help me, who am alone and have no one but you, for I am taking my life in my hand…” Esther 4c:14
Frequently, the pilgrim, similar to the bride in Songs searching for her beloved, (and like all men discerning a state in life) makes inquiries as to the best way of seeking God, testing his vocation here and there, all the while struggling to overcome sin and temptation, which were part of his former way of life. As the “Song” states; “Do not stare at me because I am swarthy, because the sun has burned me. My brothers have been angry with me; they charged me with the care of the vineyards, though my own vineyard I have not cared for.” Songs 1:6
Having found the grace of repentance through an encounter with the Divine Mercy, the pilgrim determines to find a way to give himself entirely to God. He inquires, “‘Tell me, you whom my heart loves, where you pasture your flock’- though I know it be the Holy Roman Catholic Church, ‘where do you give them rest at midday, lest I be found wondering after the flocks of your companions.’” Songs 1:7B He makes this prayer after many inquiries into religious life and various apostolates within the Church, thinking perhaps he may find someplace to lay his head (Luke: 9:58), as if there were any lasting city in this life in the first place. (Hebrews 13:14)
Defensive detachment.
Despite his search, the pilgrim’s only consolation is drawing near to his beloved in prayer, even in desolation, since he says, “I would rather lie abject upon the threshold of God’s house than dwell in the tents of the wicked.” (Psalm 84:11) And although his “homeless poverty is wormwood and gall” (Lamentations 3:19), he can say to the Blessed Virgin, who is his refuge, “I delight to rest in his shadow, and his fruit is sweet to my mouth.” - Song of Songs 2:3B
In this night, fired by loves urgent longings, the pilgrim, finally overcome with love and desperation, as if intoxicated, can no longer hold himself back, for it seems to him he hears his beloved speak to his soul; “Arise my beloved, my beautiful one and come! For see, the winter is over… the time of pruning the vine has come.” Song of Songs 2:10-12 Thus the pilgrim resolves, “I will rise then and go about the city; in the streets and crossings I will seek Him whom my heart loves…” Song of Songs 3:2
So, this is how I think the pilgrim (the fool) begins his way - although, without understanding how.
