Abbey-Roads2

Our Lady of the Angels

August 2nd is the feast of Our Lady of the Angels - a Franciscan feast for which Los Angeles was originally named.  In view of today’s earthquake, residents there may wish to take note.  Attached to this feast is what is known as the Great Pardon of Assisi, obtained by St. Francis.  It is in effect an opportunity for all of the faithful in the world (not just in Assisi) to gain a plenary indulgence.  Here is how:

Once there were two sisters…

Martha was the sister of Mary - the Mary people used to say had been a whore - but when morals plummeted in the 20th century and whores became commonplace, Mary became known as a feminist and an evangelist.  Both sisters lived with  their brother Lazarus - who was thought to be quite a stinker until Jesus raised him from the dead.  (Did you know when he was raised from the dead he was naked except for a winding cloth?!)

So anyway, Martha had panic attacks and would get very nervous while doing all the housework, while Mary usually sat calmly, sipping tea, twirling her hair, studying ”A Course In Miracles”.  This may explain why she (Martha) took a lot of valium, only it really wasn’t valium in those days, although she did grow poppies in the garden along with hemp - just to make rope and sandals of course.  (Martha knew the truth about Mary’s past and that is probably why she often became so indignant with her.)

Nevertheless - Martha loved to entertain (sounds like another Martha, doesn’t it?), and that is why she had the apostles over so often.  One day, while very busy on the set of her home-decorating-cooking show for the Bethanites, everyone showed up unexpectedly, hoping to eat and drink.  Mary, always the party girl, joined the guests and just sat on the window sill, with a goofy smile on her lips, listening to all the repartee.  After awhile, Martha complained about Mary being such a lay-about, although, when she was told she (Mary) had chosen the better part, Martha literally “threw in the towel” (which is how we got that saying today BTW), and told everyone to help themselves to the food (which is how buffets originated BTW), and Martha decided to do her own thing (which is what hippies did in the late ’60’s BTW).  Of course the family was always very fashionable, if not countercultural, and the story might have  ended there…

Yet few people knew Martha had been a portrait artist - that is why so many icons of Our Lady are mistakenly attributed to St. Luke instead - St. Luke was a doctor - a podiatrist in fact.  Some say that after rehab, Mary worked for a time as his nurse-receptionist, and she ordinarily washed the patients feet (with her hair!) before they could see the doctor - although that may have been a medieval invention.  (But you see how these stories can get all mixed up when you have an agenda.)  Anyway, that day Martha decided to paint her lay-about sister Mary’s portrait - as she sat on the window sill.  Yes, you guessed it - the painting became known throughout the world as the “Mona Lisa” and has been wrongly attributed to Leonardo Da Vinci ever since the 16th century. 

I know, I know - but the family name of Martha, Mary, and Lazarus was Winschki (’W’ pronounced like ‘V’), which Italianated became Vinci - the name of the town Leonardo was from in Italy.  (Leo’s mother’s maiden name was Winschki - his dad’s name was Nardino - so Leo took Leonardo as his nome de plume, if you will - and someone else attached Da Vinci - the “Da” meaning “of” or “from” Vinci in Italian - I forget which.)  Anyway, how the painting came into his possession is still a mystery, and another story entirely, although it could possibly make an interesting book and movie.

The End

(This story is totally fabricated, just like the Da Vinci Code and dissident interpretations of scripture.  You know - like the one about the centurion and his gay-slave-lover he asked Jesus to heal.  As if!) 

Without defense.

A favorite among the first followers of St. Francis of Assisi is Brother Juniper.  He was possibly the most humble of all the original friars - although that would be hard to determine for certain.

Juniper liked to humiliate himself by taking his clothes off.  One time he removed his habit, breeches and all - tied the habit into a bundle with his cord and put it around his neck, placing the breeches on his head.  He went to the marketplace in Viterbo that way.  (Brother Juniper was originally sent by Holy Father Francis to Viterbo to found a friary there.)  On his way to the town square, the blessed friar was cruelly mistreated; pushed and shoved, stoned with rocks and gravel and mocked, as if he were a madman.  After being tormented for a long time he returned to the friary.

The friars were indignant when they saw him because he had exposed himself thus; indeed they were scandalized by his behavior, convinced he had lost his mind.  They threatened him with expulsion, with prison, with the discipline, and with other horrid penalties.

Little Brother Juniper listened with great joy, and answered eagerly, “You are right!  I deserve all of those punishments and still greater ones for giving such scandal.”

This entry in the Fioretti concludes with: “To the glory of Christ.  Amen.”