The revised St. Martha…
Once there were two sisters…
Martha was the sister of Mary - the Mary people used to say had been a whore - but when morals plummeted in the 20th century and whores became commonplace, Mary became known as a feminist and an evangelist. Both sisters lived with their brother Lazarus - who was thought to be quite a stinker until Jesus raised him from the dead. (Did you know when he was raised from the dead he was naked except for a winding cloth?!)
So anyway, Martha had panic attacks and would get very nervous while doing all the housework, while Mary usually sat calmly, sipping tea, twirling her hair, studying ”A Course In Miracles”. This may explain why she (Martha) took a lot of valium, only it really wasn’t valium in those days, although she did grow poppies in the garden along with hemp - just to make rope and sandals of course. (Martha knew the truth about Mary’s past and that is probably why she often became so indignant with her.)
Nevertheless - Martha loved to entertain (sounds like another Martha, doesn’t it?), and that is why she had the apostles over so often. One day, while very busy on the set of her home-decorating-cooking show for the Bethanites, everyone showed up unexpectedly, hoping to eat and drink. Mary, always the party girl, joined the guests and just sat on the window sill, with a goofy smile on her lips, listening to all the repartee. After awhile, Martha complained about Mary being such a lay-about, although, when she was told she (Mary) had chosen the better part, Martha literally “threw in the towel” (which is how we got that saying today BTW), and told everyone to help themselves to the food (which is how buffets originated BTW), and Martha decided to do her own thing (which is what hippies did in the late ’60’s BTW). Of course the family was always very fashionable, if not countercultural, and the story might have ended there…
Yet few people knew Martha had been a portrait artist - that is why so many icons of Our Lady are mistakenly attributed to St. Luke instead - St. Luke was a doctor - a podiatrist in fact. Some say that after rehab, Mary worked for a time as his nurse-receptionist, and she ordinarily washed the patients feet (with her hair!) before they could see the doctor - although that may have been a medieval invention. (But you see how these stories can get all mixed up when you have an agenda.) Anyway, that day Martha decided to paint her lay-about sister Mary’s portrait - as she sat on the window sill. Yes, you guessed it - the painting became known throughout the world as the “Mona Lisa” and has been wrongly attributed to Leonardo Da Vinci ever since the 16th century.
I know, I know - but the family name of Martha, Mary, and Lazarus was Winschki (’W’ pronounced like ‘V’), which Italianated became Vinci - the name of the town Leonardo was from in Italy. (Leo’s mother’s maiden name was Winschki - his dad’s name was Nardino - so Leo took Leonardo as his nome de plume, if you will - and someone else attached Da Vinci - the “Da” meaning “of” or “from” Vinci in Italian - I forget which.) Anyway, how the painting came into his possession is still a mystery, and another story entirely, although it could possibly make an interesting book and movie.
The End
(This story is totally fabricated, just like the Da Vinci Code and dissident interpretations of scripture. You know - like the one about the centurion and his gay-slave-lover he asked Jesus to heal. As if!)
- Deception , Dysfunctionalism , Foolishness , Fun with Dick and Jane , Humor , Inappropriate , Just a story , Nunsense , Queer , lies
July 29th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Looks like a bestseller…..:>
Just needs an Opus Dei connection …..
July 29th, 2008 at 11:25 am
ROFLOL!!!
July 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Nice try ,but I have heard that one before.
I can’t lie no I haven’t.
Now your walking a fine line here with Martha Stewart mister! She knows way more than all of us combined. She can tell you how to make your computer into a growing container.
I fancy myself a little Martha wanna be. Only without the prison time. Or unpleasant personality.
You know she’ll be the only one able to survive armageddon, cause she’s got skills.
On a serious note .One real positive thing that she has done is to promote heirloom seeds, and their proper cultivation ,and storage.
These seeds will save many people at some point.
If you need a microchip to buy seeds that are modified to be sterile ,and if they are not “savable” ,then the people that refuse to be chipped ,are going to be totally left out of the food chain loop.
Already now poor farmers in many other nations are screwed ,because they have to buy seed ,yet they can’t save their own which in turn keeps them enslaved , and the seed holders empowered.
Google Monsanto they are corrupt and demonic.
July 29th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I had to read that again—-it’s really, really funny!
Where “buffets” were invented strikes me as particularly funny, maybe ’cause I often suggest buffets when people come to the house—now I will know where they originated. (just kidding :>)
July 29th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
You are ready to write for The Onion!
July 29th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Well, Terry, either you have the Congregation for the Inquisition’s (or whatever they call it these days) next heresy target, or the next Batman movie. Can I be your “best boy?”
But you picked a bad day to denigrate the name of St. Martha (not the cook, the whiner).
It turns out she was even smarter than St. Peter, viz. [vide licet ]; or, that is to say. If you had been an altar boy, I wouldn’t have had to spell that out for you.
It seems also that if you were holy, you would have been familiar with todays Gospel and would have realized that St. Martha (not the cook), not her preening sucking up sister, was the smartest and holiest one of all: Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. (But) even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask of him.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise in the resurrection on the last day.” [Probably the first mention of the resurrection of the body in the Bible]Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord. I have come to believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world.”[She came to believe that when she was washing dishes]
July 29th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
I noticed that Fr. Mark linked to you! :>
July 29th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Ter, whatever it is you’re smoking…I want some!
July 30th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Ditto what Angela said then maybe this post will reveal it’s profundity to my crossed eyes.
LOL!
July 30th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Too many details for Cathy and Linda, huh?
July 30th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Cute, Terry!