Abbey-Roads2

“I will not let you go until you bless me.” - Genesis 32:27

Sometimes people can pray for years and years for a certain intention; perhaps to gain control over a predominant fault, for the conversion of a relative, for the healing of a disease or illness, or to overcome an addiction, and so on.  In these cases, especially when there is great struggle, either between depression and hope, sin and repentance, confidence and doubt - whatever the case may be - it can often seem as if God is refusing to hear our prayer.  Yet the soul continues to implore God’s help - I believe this is when one’s prayer can seem to be a “wrestling with God”.  I’m also fairly certain there is a deeper issue at stake, much deeper than the obvious intention of the person praying, concerning the prayer’s very salvation.

I’m convinced that this wrestling, or rather, our perseverance in prayer, is essential to our sanctification.  It is the motive which keeps us clinging to God in hope.  In fact, it is certain that all of the virtues are strengthened in and through the struggles we encounter in life.  The story of Jacob’s nocturnal wrestling with the angel, may image for us this struggle, demonstrating how intimately engaged, intertwined as it were, with God the soul is - even in a state of crises.  Despite the intense struggle, Jacob refused to let go, insisting, “I will not let you go until you bless me.” 

Was Jacob blessed?  Yes, and he came away with a limp. 

The little Jesus likes to wrestle.

Maybe, for some of us, our struggles, our failures, our impairments, or our intense desire for the conversion of another, become the only means by which God can hold our attention and keep us clinging to him.  If all of our prayers were answered as we thought they should be, when we felt they should be, we might easily drift away from God in our complacency.  More importantly, we may not have acquired valuable self-knowledge nor experienced the mercy of God; perhaps more significantly, we may have missed opportunities to grow in confidence and love.

I often  think that the little Jesus likes to wrestle.  With some souls, such as little Therese, he seemed content to be asleep, apparently ignorant of her desires and aspirations, as if to test her patience and devotion.  With others, he delighted in showing them  their miseries in order that they might grow in self-knowledge and humility - in the light of his mercy of course.  In whatever manner he choses to “play” with us, he always does so for the good of our souls… even in the darkest night, and even when he permits us to be wounded.  While he delights to hear us say - “I will not let you go until you bless me.”

And sometimes, if we listen very closely to the silence in the night, we may hear his little voice whisper, “Since he clings to me in love, I will free him…” - Psalm 90:14