Admitting defeat.
Failure.
According to John of the Cross it is a virtue… He writes: “To lose always and let everyone else win is the trait of valiant souls…” (Maxims #58) I won’t go any further with the quote because he is obviously addressing perfect souls - not me.
If this had been done by an enemy… But it is you, my intimate friend!- Ps. 54
Nevertheless, coming to the realization of one’s failures and losses, seems to be the point where complete surrender to God and total abandonment can take place. It seems I may have found myself there before, albeit after much difficulty and struggle, and constant failure in trying to avoid it. Failures I would have blamed on others, or claimed as victories over my imagined enemies - never quite able to understand that my worst enemy was myself - therefore, pride and self-love became the support I relied on to maintain an illusion of self-respect and dignity. (Although I cannot even be sure if I have hit that bottom yet.)
…the butt of men, laughing stock of the people.- Ps. 21
Elsewhere, St. John writes: “If you wish to glory in yourself, but do not wish to appear ignorant and foolish, discard the things that are not yours and you will have glory in what remains. But certainly, if you discard what is not yours, nothing will be left, since you must not glory in anything if you do not want to fall into vanity. But let us descend now especially to those graces, the gifts of which make men pleasing to God. It is certain that you must not glory in these, for you do not even know if you possess them.” (Maxims #44)
