Priestly instability…
Dropping out, coming out, and sometimes falling apart.
Yesterday I updated you on Fr. Francis Mary Stone’s return as businessman David Stone, linking you to his website, DavidStoneInc. After 18 years as a religious and a priest, a man has to find work, and this is what Mr. Stone has done. From the looks of his website he has three options; marketing, social service, or evangelization. Three things he obviously knows about, and God knows, there has been a fast growing evangelical-lecture-circuit market he might easily tap into.
Moving on.
Today, I noted on several blogs the coming out event a California priest staged during the liturgy at his church last Sunday. He held off with his statement until the end, which might have been regarded as relatively low key and discreet, if media hadn’t been present… Drama!
Fr. Geoff [Farrow] said [that] after numerous inquiries from parishioners asking for direction on Proposition 8… he must go against the Bishops recommendation and instead go with what he feels is right.
“In directing the faithful to vote yes on proposition 8, the California Bishops are not only entering the political arena, they are ignoring the advances and insights of neurology, psychology and the very statements by the church itself that homosexual is innate,” says Fr. Geoff. - Whispers
After the public announcement that he was in flagrant disobedience to his Bishop, and by example, encouraging his listeners to do likewise, he revealed to the media he was also gay. Evidently Father then packed up his stuff, left the church, and according to reports is now living with friends. In effect, it looks as if he has left the priesthood - hopefully, before he would be asked to resign.
Priests really resign - not leave.
Since the Council numerous priests have resigned from the priesthood - most often with permission - and although they remain a priest forever, they are laicized, and therefore free to marry. Almost everyone I’ve heard of who has left orders remains within the Catholic Church, and several work in some capacity in religious-church affiliated occupations.
For example, years ago a local Bishop, James Patrick Shannon, left the priesthood in opposition to Paul VI’s teaching on birth control. He later had a successful marriage and career, while remaining a Catholic all of his life. (Albeit liberal Catholic.) I mention this because it is not always easy for a former priest to find lucrative work to support a family. It is a difficult transition and the priest receives very little support, if any, from the the Church or the faithful. They are on their own as it were - no severance pay for them.
The temptation of the ‘Prosperity Gospel’?
In some cases former priests can make a career out of the God-thing, and attempt to continue their ministry. Many of us familiar with the Charismatic Renewal will remember Fr. Francis McNutt, a famous healing Dominican priest. He left, married a psychologist and continues to function as a healer. The last I heard, he is a member of the Episcopalian church.
Why do they quit?
That is a tough question - one I could never answer. Why do people divorce? Unlike those who divorce, priests are free to marry after they leave. Of course, some men leave because they dissent from Church teaching all together, as in the case of Bishop Shannon, and Fr. Farrow; although it seems many other cases of priests leaving is often because they fell in love with a woman, whom they eventually marry. (In some cases there can just be emotional or mental instability issues.) After leaving to marry, many men face the difficulties of reinventing their lives, and perhaps trying to convince everyone else they are not devils, but rather ordinary human beings.
Married clergy.
I have to wonder why some provision could not be made for these men, especially if they had been good priests and continue to believe and support the Roman Catholic Church in dogma, and doctrine - despite the fact they were not able to live according to its discipline. After all, the Church offers dispensations to “reformed gay men” as well as married clergy from other denominations converting to Catholicism. Married Lutheran and Anglican clergy have been ordained over the years, and their ministry is successful. (I’m just wondering out loud here! Not dissenting!)
The unstable.
In my archdiocese, I know of at least three or four priests who apparently lack the stability of temperament to publicly fulfill their priestly duties in parish, academic, or administrative life. They are simply “on their own” although they are in good standing - they have no ministry or assignment. They seem to be deeply committed men, faithful and devout - yet they are outsiders. And they wouldn’t think of resigning the priesthood.
One thing we know for sure - we need to pray for priests and for good vocations to the priesthood. Seminary review boards are not fortune tellers - they do not know who will stay and who will leave - or who may simply break down.
I wonder if some could have realized it wasn’t their vocation at all and then decided to leave?
October 7th, 2008 at 11:53 am
a vocation is a gift from God that cannot be coopted or invented on one’s own. if one receives what they feel is *the call* in their heart, it is to their credit if they pursue their vocation to the religious life with sincerity of heart, and more to their credit if they can persevere through God’s grace. they genuinely respond to God and try to walk the narrow way. but a vocation is something that unfolds over time, and there are forces within the individual, as well as without, that will always try to dissuade him from his response to God’s call. we shouldn’t judge too harshly any individual who leaves the religious life, as we do not know the intimate details of their given situations, nor do we know the dispositions of their interior lives. but we can mourn the loss, and pray for them.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I don’t think people judge harshly any man or woman who leaves religious life - they understand someone tried the vocation and left - that is why there is a postulancy, novitiate, and junior professed period. Nevertheless, religious life is not equal to Holy Orders.
But because of Catholic theology and our understanding of the sacraments, it is often a source of scandal when a man leaves the priesthood. Catholics see it as a “forever” thing. My post is meant as a reflection on the subject raised by Dave Stone’s new life, and a discussion to help understand some of the reasons why a man might leave orders - and when dispensation is granted, to realize the person remains in good standing with the Church.
On the other hand, when a person is scandalized it is not a judgemental act on their part - it is simply the effect of the action which is the source of scandal. Scandals cause others to fall away at times, and therefore it is necessary for people to understand what happened and they deserve to be encouraged in their faith. All of these circumstances were made public by the principals involved, not me.
My end question was - “What if the person never really had a vocation in the first place?” Feeling one has a “vocation” isn’t certitude one has a vocation. One is still in the testing the vocation mode at the “feeling” level. Not everyone in religious life or holy orders may have a genuine vocation, but the man in orders always has an indelible character marked upon his soul - forever - whether he wants it or not.
October 7th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
“In some cases there can just be emotional or mental instability issues.” I have known one or two instances where priests left because of these issues (sexual misconduct was not involved). Unfortunately a lot of harm was done in their parishes before they decided to leave; and I think leaving was appropriate given the circumstances. Some people think orthodoxy and moral rectitude are the only things which should be considered in determining whether a man is a good candidate for the priesthood. However emotional stability would seem also to be very important, given the different situations and people that priests are required to deal with.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
“After all, the Church offers dispensations to “reformed gay men” as well as married clergy from other denominations converting to Catholicism.”
What kind of dispensation are you talking about, or are you just speaking loosly? Does a man who once considered himself to be gay, but now considers himself to just be homosexual, or SSA, get such a dispensation? Or is it just for men who have become heterosexual?
October 7th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Terry,
Thank you for your balanced view. It is rare.
What outsiders do not understand is the pressure involved in “discerning” a vocation, especially for straight men. Sometimes dioceses and religious orders are so anxious about having “normal” guys they involve themselves in a delusional dance in which every doubt is brushed away and all are assured that with prayer everything will be okay.
I think things are better now in many places, but as someone once said in answer to a question as to why he had decided to become a priest, “I didn’t decide I should become a priest. The Church decided, and the Church was wrong.”
That is not to say the candidate is helpless - that is not what this person was saying. He took responsibility for his self-deception and bad choices. But it is the same thing that happens with marriages in the Church - any priest can tell you about the couples he knows, in his conscience, he probably should not marry. But once the train leaves the station, it takes rare, uncommon courage to get off, to disappoint everyone, yourself, and, you think, God.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Michael - I was speaking loosely - there is no on the books dispensation - but I read once where some vocation directors say they would accept a candidate who has lived chastely for 3 years and agrees with the teaching of the Church regarding homosexuality.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Margaret - thanks. Your point on “the Church decided” is a good one. Two things - the sacrament acts similarly to baptism - it is conferred upon the individual.
Secondly, I think it was very common before the Council - sometimes human respect, family expectations, or fear of failure influenced a man’s decision to go through with ordination… and like you said - once the train has left the station.
Interesting story - Justice Clarence Thomas went to seminary - his grandfather told him not to be a quitter. When Thomas left the seminary, his grandfather pretty much disowned him. Some men may have persevered so as not to disappoint the family.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Melody, I’ve heard many stories like that - and the parishes do better without such men.
October 7th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Terry,
Thanks for the update on “Dave Stone.” After seeing him on TV for so long, it was nice to know what he choose–not the priesthood. And I have to say it makes me feel very sad for him, because he will always be a priest–forever.
Who knows why he turned away from his vocation–and yes I think it was his vocation, because he was “annointed” by God to be a priest. And the woman is probably just an excuse.
On his web site, he says he’s in good standing with the church–I’m glad of that, and can only hope and pray that he does well–even though I am very dissapointed he choose to no longer remain a priest. Very sad.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Francis McNutt had his marriage blessed and returned to the Catholic Church in 1993. I just saw him at the Southern CA charismatic renewal conference in Anaheim this past August, speaking on healing prayer in the family.
http://www.christianhealingmin.org/about/
October 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Clayton - thanks for that update on McNutt. I didn’t know.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Terry,
About 10 years ago, my husband and I were going through and incredibly difficult time in our marriage. We went to our priest, who most of the parishioners didn’t like for various reasons, for council. Ultimately he convinced us of several things and we received his “blessing” when we decided to separate and eventually divorce. I left the Church completely for 3 years. After this priest was gone, I returned on my own. I had “moved on with my life” and was seeking annulment. The priest at that time, Father Francis Sophie, saved my soul and my marriage. Over the course of 6 or 7 months, he counseled me and helped me restore my marriage. To make a long story short, the “priest” who encouraged our divorce eventually left the priesthood upon announcing his several years long affair with a very wealthy divorcee. This man, whom we TRUSTED led us into a sinful life wrought with complications, because of his own “ideas.” The damage these priests can do to parishioners is shameful and scandalous. While they may remain in good standing with the Church, I for one am relieved when these men leave. IMO, modern men are viewing the priesthood these days as a CAREER and not a vocation. There is a HUGE difference.
October 8th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Cindy - that is an excellent story - thanks much.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:06 am
Why do people divorce? To stop the pain.
October 10th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Perhaps the seminaries had been too lax in allowing priests-to-be to think of the priesthood as a profession or a career to begin with. It’s no such thing, or it’s not priesthood, right? One need only look at the Cure d`Ars or Fr. Damien et al to know that. I used to agree long ago with the thought that some priests (and some Sisters) shouldn’t have been. I no longer think that. Since the priesthood is a lifelong commitment, and it takes many years to get through to actual ordination, I think dropping out after ordination is a selfish choice that has been coddled and supported. And for someone like Amy’s husband who keeps his vestments at the back of the closet (which irritated her, especially after their baby), I think that suffices to say that such a duplicity of heart hurts everyone. One gives one’s everything to one’s Woman. We none of us can have our cake and eat it, too –and least of all if we’re a priest. The priesthood is based on Christ’s life. It wasn’t cushy, or easy, or fair.
October 10th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Oops, sorry Cindy –I didn’t see your last line. Agreed. I read of a priest hereabouts who was preparing (via the newspapers, ugh) to sue the Bishop for defamation of character which “has affected my career.” It was shocking to see it in so many words. At the other end of the spectrum, I know a dear Notre Dame seminarian who dropped out “for a while” in his 4th year. It wasn’t cold feet, it was what I’d call spirit-exhaustion due to a complete lack of support except here online. He was the only Catholic in his entire family, which was anti-Catholic to boot, and he had to work at Walmart (again) every time he went home for a visit between terms. His was a constant struggle (even without mentioning that some of his brother seminarians were doing terrible things on the internet late at night, which broke his heart). Christ has always been his life; he was as sweet and gentle and honest as Christ–he’d have made a stunning priest, and I hope he has returned to seminary by now. Last I knew, he was invited to serve a couple Masses right where Fr. Francis Mary had left. His name is Joseph, if anyone would like to pray for him.