Abbey-Roads2

 Pier Vittorio Tondelli

The controversial Italian homosexual writer, who died in 1991 due to complications of AIDS, had been reconciled with the Church before he finally succumbed to the disease.  He died a Catholic.  I mention Tondelli today, as a sort of patron saint for those who struggle with the issues of homosexuality and Catholic teaching.

“Tondelli was fascinated with the works of Jewish mysticism, the Imitation of Christ, and the mystics like St. Teresa of
Avila.  “I love to look through them, to find and read stories, and the idea of holiness,” he wrote. 

In 1989, the Italian writer said, “Everyone that has been raised in the bosom of a religion has his own religiosity.  I have always tried to seek out not so much a discussion about the Catholic faith, but rather to express my own religiosity—without a doubt in the bosom of Christianity—which seeks out or questions its own positions, especially in confrontation with other authors.” 

Speaking about chastity after his conversion, Tondelli called it “a mystic virtue for those who have chosen it and perhaps the most superhuman use of sexuality.”” - Catholic News Agency

Reflections… 

I love his statement regarding chastity…”a mystic virtue…the most superhuman use of sexuality.”

“When he found one really valuable pearl, he went back and put up for sale all that he had and bought it.” - Matthew 13:46

“I assure you that tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God before you.” - Matthew 21:31

I also find it interesting that he enjoyed reading the mystics before his conversion.  Many saints read the lives and writings of the saints before their own conversions, - two that come to mind immediately, Iganatius of Loyola and Edith Stein - their readings led them to the truth.

[Reprinted from my archives.]

Men who have sex with men.

After I write about things related to homosexuality, I get emails from men who have, or have had, sex with other men.  The men who have sex with men are usually in opposition to Catholic teaching which calls these men to live chastely in obedience to the commandments.  The men who have had sex with men in the past are normally those who are faithful to the Catholic Church and observe chastity.  These men know of course that the Church does not require them to change their sexual orientation, but to abstain from  sexual activity with persons of their own sex.  Just as the Church asks all single people to remain chaste until lawfully married to a person of the opposite sex.  It is pretty simple and straightforward, really. 

An email conversation.

I’ll reprint here an email conversation I had recently with a fellow who is in Courage, a terrific apostolate for men and women dealing with same sex attraction, offering support and community in which to find stability in their efforts to live chastely and celibately.

First email from Fred:  (Fred is his made up name and he will be corresponding with Paul Varjak.  We are characters from Breakfast At Tiffany’s.  Oh just pretend.)

i’m doing better today.  i took time to give up the formal prayer and begin my day with an exasperated “look, here is where i’m at” prayer this morning.  then after i took a shower, i returned to my room & prayed morning prayer.  there were some good psalms this morning that made me think, but i’ll be darned if i could tell you now what they were about.   i’m really getting a lot out of dr. nicolosi’s 2nd book, *healing homosexuality.*  i see a bit of myself in each & every case study he presents.  the implication is “ok, now what?” i’ll attach the points i’ve typed out from nicolosi’s book that have struck me particularly.  i know that *courage* is more of a spiritual program vs. change therapy - as it should be - but i don’t think we talk about the “change” aspect of it enough.  it seems to me we do a good job at saying “this is what i’ve done, & this is where i am,” but we don’t do enough encouragement in helping people HEAL.  whatever that means.

Fred’s notes from Dr. Nicolosi’s book:

ISSUES BROUGHT TO LIGHT BY DR. NICOLOSI

1. Alienation from the body 

1.  
   1. tendency for gay men to perceive their own male body with a detached fascination < object vs. subject >

1.  
   1. this feeling of not owning one’s body may take the form of inferiority or superiority, but there is never a relaxed connectedness with it  < parents made me feel ashamed of my body >

n      excessive modesty < unwillingness to take shirt off >

n      or exhibitionism  – both of these are forms of alienation from the body

1.  
   1. tendency to observe himself and his bodily movements vs. sensing self as “being” his moving body.  Lacking this trust & confidence in his natural movements, he is likely to envy this quality in straight guys 

1.  for this reason & others, dr. nicolosi sees H. as not simply a sexual problem, but a larger problem of being in the world

1.  
   1. You are your body; you are centered in your maleness.  You don’t carry it, it carries you. 

n      a sense of centeredness in masculinity vs. “look-at-my-body” trip stemming from narcissism 

1. Self-Mentor Talk

1.  
   1. reparative therapy technique.  The practice of talking to self in the voice of an internalized, benevolent father < self-parenting >

1. Parental abandonment  < physical or emotional >

1.  
   1. leads to inner emptiness and anger < neither parent played games w/me or really talked to me.  I always felt like I was in the way >.  I feel sorry for that kid, sitting on the floor in the basement with no one to play with; no one to share his game

Response from Paul Varjak.

Active Catholic gays hate that man you know.

Response from Fred.

well that doesn’t surprise me.  i don’t know that i knew who he was by name, but i was certainly aware of the work that was being done re: change therapy when i was living the life throughout the ’90’s & up through july 2004.   even into 2006 i resisted the notion of “change therapy.”   it’s amazing to me how my notions of what it means to be “gay” have changed just over the last 4 years.  it MUST be God’s grace working in me, no matter how much i tend to resist the pain of change. 

Response from Paul Varjack.

See - this is what gay culture does - it reinforces the gay identity in a person and affirms him in preserving that difference - it is a form of pride, albeit debased.

It seems to me Nicolosi’s book may be read to help one arrive at a change in attitude.  I think the biggest hurdle to a change in attitude to what it means to be gay is the huge leap it must be for a person to come out - or accept being gay in the first place - then giving in to the idea it is normative, etc.  It’s almost like brainwashing today.  So the idea that change is possible, or if not, that the reasons one is gay most likely is psychological, emotional, etc - it is just very difficult to accept and requires great honesty.  I don’t think everyone can change, and thankfully, that is not what the Church reuires,  but such insights into the nature of being gay have to be helpful in understanding the disorder.  It is God’s grace of course, which opens souls to the truth.

Nevertheless, gay culture is virulent in promoting the idea homosexuality is normative - and the world believes them.  

Response from Fred:

yes, it does.  believe me - i’m VERY conflicted about moving away from these feelings.  but the more i realize they stem from psycho/emotional/relational, gender / peer issues, the more i feel responsible to do something about it.  i DON’T like being consumed with feelings of inadequacy and suspicion to the point where i’m ALWAYS comparing myself to others & coming up short.  and here’s the clincher:  how can i serve God honestly and faithfully if  i’m constantly not dealing with these issues, but “surviving them” instead?  

Response from Paul Varjack:

Excellent point.  My other reaction is, “You must be so tired of the struggle - can’t it just go away?”  You have real courage.  

Response from Fred:

part of the good side of this issue is that the narth folks < from what i’ve read > don’t hold out that a person *must* be successful in converting their homosexual feelings to the normative heterosexual.  

fr. harvey says:  the opposite of homosexuality is not hetersexuality.  the opposite of homosexuality is holiness.  

i’m not interested in getting to a point where i can look at a woman and get turned on.  i want to be integrated and able to live a life of chastity / celibacy < God willing > without this internal hatred thing going on.  

thanks for thinking i have courage.  i’m not so sure.  i fall so short of even DESIRING / WANTING to do God’s will.  i’m still attached to my old feelings / ways of thinking.

Response from Paul Varjack: 

I will never understand how guys who seem to be so well adjusted with being gay can handle it.  It seems to me they are deluded somehow.  They definitely resist the idea of change, even the aspect of SSA being a disorder - which is why they hate Narth and call it psuedo-science and insist it is all about change therapy.  Not everyone has the will to change - but everyone can be chaste.  

Response from Fred:

you tell yourself you’re happy.  at least for myself, once i started really beleiving i had no other choice but to accept “my truth of being gay,” then i did all i could to make the lifestyle normal.  but there was something always conflicted within myself that said “this is never going to work.”  i drank, danced, ate, & had sex to beat the band to MAKE it alright.  i didn’t find real, solid inner peace until i began to question the whole validity of the gay life.  

once i came to accept that the Church was right and i was wrong, a peace just flooded over me.  FINALLY my behavior could match what my internal beliefs told me.

my remaining problem is that while i give the assent of faith with my mind to the Church, my HEART is still engaged elsewhere.  maybe not totally, but it is still inclined towards what fr. x calls “the fleshpots of egypt.”   terry … i so long to FEEL the love my will strives < and often fails > to bend towards.   

Response from Paul Varjack:

This is why we need purifying trials - it takes time to cleanse the residue of sin the clings to us, even after we repent, and despite the fact our nature hates discipline.  Our failures makes us more humble and reliant upon God’s grace and mercy.  Healing takes time.  We go forward one step at a time, often falling and rising, if we persevere, we all find the healing Christ promises, no matter what sin we are trying to overcome.  

In conclusion.

So that is an email exchange I had with a reader.  This weekend Rainbow Sash people will be trying to usurp the Church’s teaching and present themselves for sacrilegious communion.  It is good for all of the faithful to remember how important it is to remain faithful to Church teaching and to observe chastity according to our state in life.

I think we are all well advised to pray for our bishops and priests who need to safeguard these folks from committing sacrilege, as well as to pray for the conversion of sinners. 

of Sodom.

I saw this story on Clinging to the Barque of Peter, about a young man being helped out of the homosexual lifestyle by Archbishop Burke while Burke was the ordinary of the diocese of LaCrosse, Wisconsin.

“As best as I can determine, my same-sex attraction began in reaction to my father, who was a violent alcoholic. He often drank, came home to throw things around the house and abuse my mother in addition to threatening me and my brother. I thought he hated us. Consequently, I didn’t want to be anything like him.

In my sorrow, I started looking for the love of my father in thearms of other men. At age 17, a predator took advantage of me under the teacher/pupil dynamic and I became completely mixed up about human sexuality. Over the years, one thing led to another until I moved in with a man more than 20 years my senior….

From 1990 to 1994, I went to Mass off and on. In 1995, I told my “partner” that I couldn’t go anymore because I was very angry with the Church. I boxed up all my crucifixes and Bibles and dropped them off at the office of the bishop of La Crosse, Wisconsin with a letter renouncing the Catholic faith.

To my surprise, Bishop Raymond Burke replied with a kind letter expressing his sadness. He wrote that he would respect my decision and notify the parish where I had been baptized. Ever so gently, Bishop Burke said that he would pray for me and look forward to the time when I would reconcile with the Church….

As someone who suffered in the state of mortal sin for many years, I assure you that there is no happiness outside of the moral order. The only authentic response to the challenge of same-sex attraction and sin is the truth in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.” - Coming Out of Sodom - By Eric Hess

I have a friend whose story is quite similar, at least in how he became involved with the homosexual subculture.  He also left “Sodom” - although he attributes his conversion to John Paul II.  He always claims it occurred as the newly elected pope appeared on the balcony of St. Peter’s for the first time. 

All that good people despise.

An intro to this mornings psalm in Magnificat for Wednesday of Holy Week reads: “Judas personifies all that good people most despise: dishonesty, venality, treachery.  For humanity at our most despicable, the Lord Jesus willingly suffered the plots of the enemies who banded together to seek his life.”

“All that good people most despise…”   Today people call “good people” bigots if they do not approve of certain sins - they are mocked as ignorant religious fanatics.  Yet there are certain sins that cry to heaven for vengeance - and people are rightly scandalized by them.

Prodigals aren’t always celebrated.

On the other hand, there are former sinners, though they have repented and renounced their sinful life, claim they continue to experience a sort of marginalization in the Christian community.  Sometimes, these prodigals experience the joy of forgiveness to such an extent, they expect others to celebrate their conversion as well.  We are told the angels rejoice in heaven over one sinner who repents, and so should the Church.

Yet many times, the good, not unlike the prodigal son’s elder brother, despise certain sins so greatly, they have trouble with those who have returned from a life of sin.  That is not to say they do not rejoice over their conversion, or praise the mercy of God, but they sometimes tend to keep the penitent at arms length.

The consequences of sin.

We need to understand that sin, albeit forgiven and washed away by the blood of Christ, continues to have consequence.  If I committed a serious crime, even though I repented of it and was reconciled to the Church through the sacrament of penance, I would still be punished and probably sent to prison.  My reputation tarnished.

I’m not saying a repentant sinner must wear a scarlet letter for the rest of his life, but one shouldn’t be surprised if another person or group, though welcoming and polite, are unable to engage in a familiar relationship with the penitent.  I also think, the penitent experiencing a sense of marginalization, would do well to offer this trial as further penance for his sins and the conversion of other sinners.

Penance.

Many saints who had been sinners certainly suffered similarly.  For instance, St Margaret of Cortona, endured the suspicion of town folk  on and off for the remainder of her life.   Immediately after her conversion, she sought entrance into the third order of St. Francis, yet the friars tested her repentance for two or three years before permitting her to enter.

Prior to her conversion, Margaret more or less flaunted her scandalous lifestyle and became something of a local celebrity.  Her  conversion, though edifying to contemporaries, was not the occasion of greater prestige for her - perhaps just the opposite.  At any rate, those of us who have been notorious sinners, ought to take heart when we feel marginalized or left out; we can offer it up as part of our penance.    

O Lord and Master of my life, take from me the spirit of sloth, despondency, lust of power, and idle talk;

Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see my own transgressions, and not to judge my brother; for blessed art Thou unto the ages of ages. - St. Ephraim

(Source:  Fisheaters) 

“Is it good to be always repenting?” 

Those of us who study the spiritual life know Garrigou-Lagrange discusses the second conversion in the Three Ages of the Interior Life, but I have never heard anyone discuss a third conversion.  Amy Welborn  has a most interesting post on Pope Benedict’s allocutions from the Wednesday audiences.  She takes off from Sandro Magister’s commentary and finishes with her own very good reflections, yet what captivated my heart were the Holy Father’s comments on Augustine. 

“But there is a last step to Augustine’s journey, a third conversion, that brought him every day of his life to ask God for pardon. Initially, he thought that once he was baptized, in the life of communion with Christ, in the sacraments, in the Eucharistic celebration, he would attain the life proposed in the Sermon on the Mount: the perfection donated by Baptism and reconfirmed in the Eucharist. During the last part of his life he understood that what he had concluded at the beginning about the Sermon on the Mount – that is, now that we are Christians, we live this ideal permanently – was mistaken. Only Christ himself truly and completely accomplishes the Sermon on the Mount. We always need to be washed by Christ, who washes our feet, and be renewed by him. We need permanent conversion. Until the end we need this humility that recognizes that we are sinners journeying along, until the Lord gives us his hand definitively and introduces us into eternal life. It was in this final attitude of humility, lived day after day, that Augustine died.”

“Seeing our own wretchedness in the light of God becomes praise to God and thanksgiving, for God loves and accepts us, transforms us and raises us to himself.”

To ask God every day for pardon.

“A brother asked a hermit, ‘Is it good to be always repenting?’  The abba answered, ‘We have seen Joshua the son of Nun; it was when he was lying prostrate on his face that God appeared to him’ (cf. Josh. 5:14)” - Sayings of the Desert Fathers

Are they few in number who will be saved? 

This subject seems to be on the mind of several bloggers these days.  This surprised me since I have been thinking a lot about it myself.  Most recently, considering the moral discussions which have taken place on this blog, I wondered if perhaps St. John of the Cross was correct when he told someone he believed most people go to hell.  Of course, no one knows how many people go to hell, in fact, when asked, Jesus simply replied, “Strive to enter by the narrow gate…”   You know the rest.

Most of us think we know who will go to hell if they do not repent of obvious sin; murderers, child molesters, terrorists, politicians, and so on, although we cannot know this for certain.  God’s mercy is inscrutable. 

I’m okay - you’re okay?

As Catholics, hopefully we all strive to live our faith in obedience to the commandments and the teachings of the Church.  We pray, frequent the sacraments, and try to live moral lives, therefore, we hope we will be saved.  Nevertheless, we dare not become complacent or presumptuous as regards our salvation, as Fr. Kimel reminds us in his post, Counting the Saved. 

For the rest of us, it is all too easy to confuse moral decency and goodness, or at least absence of grievous sin, with spiritual life. Christians presume a state of grace for those involved in the sacramental life of the Church, yet the Church has always warned her members of the mortality of sin and the need for continual conversion to Christ. We may not presume that others are saved or in the process of being saved because they are decent or at least not truly wicked people. We may not presume that we are saved or in the process of being saved because we are decent or at least not truly wicked people. There is no substitute for gospel, repentance, and prayer. We must cast ourselves upon the mercy of Christ and pray for the anointing of the Spirit. We must seek to be found in Christ, for he alone is the assurance that we are on the right path. - Pontifications

These thoughts must necessarily give one pause to stop and examine our own spiritual life.  Although, in charity, I also cannot help but think of others and feel concern for their salvation, especially dissident Catholics who reject various teachings of the Church, or those who have fallen away and simply do not believe any longer.  In the end, will Our Lord say to them, “Ah, my son, I know you could not accept the teaching of the Magisterium and taught others to reject it as well.  I know you were sincere and loving, filled with compassion for those who rejected my teaching, therefore, because you were so sincere and loved peace, enter into the kingdom of my Father.”

The chances of the Lord saying that are pretty slim, especially when  scripture tells us, “Even the just man is saved with difficulty.” - 1 Peter 4:18 

Erring Catholics.

Shelray, a contributor to  Cosmos, Liturgy, and Sex, posted a piece on this subject - actually, her article led me to read Fr. Kimel’s piece.  Within her post are excerpts from a pamphlet entitled, “Cry of A Lost Soul” - a narrative of a soul who had been damned and appears to her friend.  Who knows if it is authentic, the lesson rings true nonetheless:

“Deep down I was rebelling against God. You did not understand it; you thought me still a Catholic. I wanted, in fact, to be called one; The lost Catholics suffer more than those of other religions, because they, mostly, received and despised more graces and more light. He who knew more suffers more cruelly than he who knew less. He who sinned out of malice suffers more keenly than he who sinned out of weakness. But nobody suffers more than he deserves.” - You fool - this very night…

“O my Jesus!  Forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to heaven, help those most in need of thy mercy!” - Fatima prayer.

Links:

Even Fr. Longenecker is writing about it - Go to Hell - his review of Thigpen’s book, My Visit to Hell, a sort of contemporary Dante’s Inferno.  I’m ordering it.

And sinners.

I’ve been thinking of Lourdes daily since February 11th, thanks to my Magnificat - the apparition of Our Lady to St. Bernadette is depicted on the cover of the prayerbook.  The apparitions took place every day from February 11 until the feast of the Annunciation in 1858.  (On this date, February 18, Our Lady asked Bernadette to return every day for a fortnight.)  The last apparition occurred on July 16th, feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, which seemed to presage Fatima, since in Our Lady’s last appearance there, she appeared clothed as Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.  Carmel signifies penance, and in both apparitions Our Lady called for penance and prayers for sinners.

Our Lady is most definitely the Refuge of Sinners, and her apparitions are always missions of love, pleading for souls, and asking for penance and prayer for the conversion of sinners.  She told Bernadette she could “not promise her happiness in this life, but only in the next.”   When questioned what the Holy Virgin meant by sinners, or rather, what is a sinner, Bernadette answered, “A person who loves sin.”

Obstinate sinners.

I have always been fascinated by St. Bernadette’s very simple explanation, and it has helped me understand the gravity of sin and its consequences.  To be obstinate in loving sin, one must essentially reject God and the right order of good - that is, the Law of God.  Mortal sin makes man an enemy of God.  Every mortal sin we commit insults God by rebellion or disobedience, by lack of gratitude for his gifts, in contempt for God.  To persist in sin is what it means to be obstinate in sin, and therefore a sinner, or “one who loves sin.”  This may sound  strange,  but many sinners may love the pleasure of sin, yet hate the sin itself - habitual sinners would understand that.  In addition, habitual sinners are not always obstinate sinners.

Our Lady understands well that life on earth is indeed “a vale of tears”, as we say in her prayer, and the Blessed Virgin knows that “nothing the world affords comes from the Father.”- (Jn 2:16)  The Blessed Mother  also respects man’s free will, and she recognizes that man’s tendency is for good, hence the Blessed Virgin has compassion on our feeble attempts at charity, as well as our longing for love, no matter how disordered.   Therefore, as she explained to Bernadette, she seeks to correct our mistaken notions of fulfillment  when she told the saint,  “I cannot make you happy in this world, but only in the next.”  That is not to say our life on earth is joyless at all, in fact, living according to the commandments and loving God is the only source of genuine happiness on earth, as Jesus taught us.

True happiness.

“Anyone who loves me will be true to my word, and my father will love him; we will come to him and make our dwelling place with him.”(Jn 14:23)  That is heaven on earth!  The beginning of eternal beatitude.  Jesus consoles us further:

“My peace is my gift to you; I do not give it to you as the world gives peace.” (Jn 14:27)  The world’s peace is false and unstable, thus leading  souls untroubled along the easy way that leads to hell.  Jesus encourages faithful souls when he says:

“Live on in my love.  You will live in my love if you keep my commandments, even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and live in his love.  All this I tell you that my joy may be yours and your joy may be complete.”(Jn. 15:10-11)  Thus we understand what Our Lady’s instruction to Bernadette meant when she said, “I cannot make you happy in this world, but only in the next.”   Bernadette suffered throughout her life, no doubt, yet she also experienced supernatural joy.   Our Lady taught her the true road of happiness, illuminating her on the difference between the sinner’s contentment, and the joy and peace which is the lot of those who repent and submit to God. 

Vain rejoicing. 

On the other hand, the sinner vainly seeks his happiness and fulfilment in worldly compromise.  Rebelling against God, he perverts the law and the prophets according to his own design.  Or rejecting them all together, he refuses obedience to God, and justifies his sin with worldly wisdom that is foolishness in the sight of God.  Self-satisfaction with his cleverness, leads to a complacency misunderstood as peace of conscience… the false and dangerous peace of the world.  As the psalmist affirms, “Sin speaks to the sinner in the depths of his heart.  There is no fear of God before his eyes.  He so flatters himself in his mind, that he knows not his guilt.”(Ps. 35)

The love of the Mother of God compels her to roam the earth seeking sinners, weeping and mourning in this vale of tears, pleading with us to pray and sacrifice for their conversion.  We must heed Our Lady’s call to penance and pray for the conversion of sinners.  A soul who loves sin,  is in danger of condemning himself to hell forever.  It is the worst calamity in the world.  Such souls need to be brought before the Holy Virgin, refuge of obstinate sinners; she can refuse no one who has recourse to her, neither the sinner, or the repentant sinner praying for his brother.  

[Photo credit: Hallowed Ground]

Holding a rosary, Our Lady told Bernadette:  “Pray to God for sinners.”

“In a society which is barely conscious of the ills which assail it, which conceals its miseries and injustices beneath a prosperous, glittering, and trouble-free exterior, the Immaculate Virgin, whom sin has never touched, manifests herself to an innocent child. With a mother’s compassion she looks upon this world redeemed by her Son’s blood, where sin accomplishes so much ruin daily, and three times makes her urgent appeal: “Penance, penance, penance!” She even appeals for outward expressions: “Go kiss the earth in penance for sinners.” And to this gesture must be added a prayer: “Pray to God for sinners.”

As in the days of John the Baptist, as at the start of Jesus’ ministry, this command, strong and rigorous, shows men the way which leads back to God: “Repent!” Who would dare to say that this appeal for the conversion of hearts is untimely today?

Materialism.

… the world, which today affords so many justifiable reasons for pride and hope, is also undergoing a terrible temptation to materialism …

This materialism is not confined to that condemned philosophy which dictates the policies and economy of a large segment of mankind. It rages also in a love of money which creates ever greater havoc as modern enterprises expand, and which, unfortunately, determines many of the decisions which weigh heavy on the life of the people. It finds expression in the cult of the body, in excessive desire for comforts, and in flight from all the austerities of life. It encourages scorn for human life, even for life which is destroyed before seeing the light of day. …

May priests be attentive to [the Blessed Virgin's] appeal and have the courage to preach the great truths of salvation fearlessly. The only lasting renewal, in fact, will be one based on the changeless principles of faith, and it is the duty of priests to form the consciences of Christian people.”  - Pius XII, 1957

Pius XII said that way back in the ’50’s, how much more urgent are his words for our times!

Thanks to Rorate Caeli  for the text.

Thanks to Hallowed Ground for the photo.