Abbey-Roads2

A social faux pas, a mistake.

We all make them - especially bloggers like myself - and believe me I hear about it.  Critics or competitors love to point them out in the speeches, writings, or interviews of politicians, religious leaders, or celebrities they either disagree with or just don’t like.  And some of them are quite funny, while some are just simple mistakes - easily recognized as such.  But not by one’s enemies.  Pointing out a person’s gaffes - repeatedly - can forever tarnish one’s reputation.  For instance Dan Quayle - how many people still think he is dumb?  Or Bush? - I know!

These days the big gaffes are coming from Sarah Palin - who is an expert at foreign policy because she can see the coast of Russia on a clear day and has a foreign country right at her border - Canada.  (LOL!  That’s cute.)

Then there was Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi pretending to know theology and Church teaching.  (When is the last time you looked to politicians for religious instruction?)   The latest from Biden is when he shared in an interview his anecdote about how Roosevelt went on TV in 1929 to tell the American people what caused the crash.  (I think he knows less than he forgets.)  Of course these things are usually pretty funny actually - but today, as it was with Dan Quayle, the only one really looking stupid is Palin - because she isn’t liked by media progressives and intellectuals.

The old, ‘I’m smarter than you’ thing. 

Some bloggers love to jump on gaffes.  When I first started to blog, I thought that was the style one ought to adapt, it seemed the best way to be a little edgy and smart sounding, while getting a lot of comments.  Although I may slip up from time to time - well maybe quite often - I try to curtail that stuff now.  I don’t like the smart-ass approach any longer.  But if it is really funny, I’ll post it - I love funny.

Admittedly, I continue to read blogs that are cheeky and exploit the gaffe thing - mostly because it can be fodder for reflection upon what goes on in the blogosphere… and sometimes comment on it.  For instance, today, a priest noted for his sarcasm and criticism of opponents, made a little-big deal of another priest’s misspelling of a Latin term.  Father disagreed with what Monsignor was saying, therefore, by pointing out the gaffe, Father cast himself in an intellectually superior light…  Religious people are so good at that stuff.

That said, I think gaffes ought to be a forgiveable offense.        

Thoughts on Sunday morning.

I got up with the sun - at this time of year that isn’t very early.  I went to close the shutters on the east side of the house as the sun was blinding.  I noticed Asian neighbor lady rolling a grocery cart down the middle of the street.  Is she returning it?  Did she steal it?  Whatever, she is out collecting throw away goods.

Actually, her name is Thang - pronounced Tang - and she is very sweet, hard working and industrious.  I’m sure her ‘brothers’ work at least 3 jobs each, and so they are never home.  Thang stays home to take care of grandma.  The thing I have learned with some Asian people - mostly Hmong - is that you can’t be sure of their names - are they giving you their given name?  Family name?  Immigration name - usually taken while in a refugee camp - or what?  Then you can’t always be sure if the people they live with are really relatives or close friends - family has a different meaning for them sometimes - I’ve noticed Mexican immigrants can have different definitions for people things too.  When Hmong refugees were taken in by our Government and resettled in U.S. communities - a lot may have been lost in translation.  Believe me, I have an Asian friend who came through the process who told me all about it - and the reasons for it - but I don’t want to get into that here.

Anyway, Thang reminds me of all the immigrants who came before her, and continue to come into this country today.  Their common denominator is that they work really hard - and they will do just about any job, at any hour, on any weekend or holiday, they can find.  Watching crazy Thang, with her weird hat and baggy Asian pants rolling a cart down the street, reminded me of the old “sheeny” who once drove a horse cart through the city streets when I was very little.  Back then these men, usually a Jewish grandpa, roamed every type of neighborhood, picking up American refuse.  Old clothes, rags, bricks, metal, everything.  Americans have always thrown out a lot of good stuff.

The Sheeny brought the goods to places their families probably owned - scrap yards, rag companies, etc.  Because they were Jewish, although I didn’t understand it at the time - the kids were told to stay away from them, “They steal and kidnap children”  we were told.  I often felt sorry for them because they looked so poor, but my dad or some neighbor guy always said, “That g– d— Kike is richer than we’ll ever be!”  They were right - but those people also worked for it. 

I hear similar things about Asian people today.  “Have you noticed since they moved in how many cats and dogs are missing?”  Or, “How can they afford such a nice house in our neighborhood and drive such a nice car?”  I doubt the Sheeny ever kidnapped a kid, and I really doubt cats and dogs have disappeared in greater numbers since the Asian lady moved in.  Oh - and the reason they get nice houses and drive nice cars is usually because they work really hard, doing jobs Americans don’t want to do - sometimes 3 at a time - and they pay cash for what they buy…   Oh!  Oh!  And sell the stuff we throw out.

Prejudice has deep roots… and jealousy, envy, and covetousness seem to be a big part of that root ball.

Art:  Manet: The Ragpicker

Link:

History of “sheeny”.   

“If loving you is wrong I don’t wanna be right
If being right means being without you
I’d rather live a wrong doing life.”

Sen. John Edwards chased by the paparazzi?

I read that Sen. John Edwards was cornered in a men’s room recently by paparazzi wanting to know about an alleged mistress and love child (Story here.).  It reminded me of a phone conversation I had with a friend about Babe Paley, the wife of William Paley, the president of CBS.  Babe was a famous socialite in the 1960’s in NYC, and up until she was dying of cancer, her husband fooled around with other women.  After all of these years, I’m always surprised to find out about marital infidelity.

Attempting to rationalize it, I stated I thought that a husband’s infidelity  was probably once considered simply something a man did - it was a guy thing - and most likely just part of becoming success in secular life.  (Remember the movie “The Apartment”?  All the executives had mistresses.  Martinis, cigarettes and a mistress seemed to be part of the status quo.)  It rarely meant the man didn’t love his wife. 

Although another friend reminded me of many of our friend’s fathers who also either had a mistress or just fooled around on their wives with an ever changing series of bar-flies - and we were just working class families.  So my theory of it being a product of affluence and status is shot down.  Perhaps I’m being naive, but I like to believe very few young men would cheat on their wives today…  Until I recall stories of young priests, like the well known television priest who betrayed his vows - a failing not much different from that of a cheating husband.  I guess human nature doesn’t change from generation to generation after all, huh? 

So why do men cheat?

Have they stopped loving their wives? Or is it “The being in love that makes them high” as the Michael Jackson song says? Then again, it could be what Loretta’s mother said in “Moonstruck” - men are afraid of death, so they cheat. I think it’s that simple in some respects and yet a whole lot more complicated, albeit motives may vary from case to case. I’ll just “think out loud” on this one however.

In many cases I believe the “new promiscuous” for youth has it’s roots in the “old promiscuous” of dad, or more frequently now days, of a mom. However, I’m focusing on the guys for this post. If there is a disorder, if there is something a guy is doing on the side, “hurting no one” as they say, he’s wrong. Disorder begets disorder. It impacts those nearest the unfaithful parent even if it is unacknowledged. Like alcoholism, there is enabling going on, denial - all the co-dependent stuff associated with the addiction. I’ve seen it. In my own family and the families of others. The guy who cheats is no longer present to his family or significant other - he’s “excommunicated” himself as it were.

I grew up with it.

Like I’ve said, I’ve seen what happens. The dad is gone at key times, or late coming home - he’s absentee. The mom is upset about it, tense and unhappy, resentful and passive aggressive, or she is in such denial, she works, shops, cleans, drinks, goes to Church - does something - compulsively to cope. She emotionally withdraws from the situation - or worse - overcompensates for the absence of the dad. Often no one ever acknowledges there is a problem, it gets repressed and everyone goes into denial mode. It screws up the kids - boys and girls. Especially when other addictions are involved.

So again, why do men cheat?

In many cases I think there is a lack of self-esteem, they feel like a failure - or maybe more telling - they are afraid of being a failure, a loser.  They may be overwhelmed with the stress of work and family life and seek an escape. That fear of death thing isn’t that off the wall. Death represents failure, preceeded by growing older and imagining oneself inadequate, no longer needed, etc. There are manifold components to this. Then of course there is just plain lust, that is so often mistaken for love, as evidenced by celebrities such as Donald Trump or film and pop stars, who have an endless string of marriages and divorces. The gratification in having someone that desires you sexually is a powerful aphrodisiac - more appealing in the moment than the presidency of the United States (obviously) or the love and devotion of home and kin, or even a new sports car - its an ego thing!

Pain reliever…

Whether there is a mistress or just a chain of more or less anonymous sexual encounters, the guy has chosen to resolve conflict in this manner, seeking affirmation and validation through a physical act. Sometimes, as in an affair, there is also a level of emotional involvement, often mistaken for love when it is really infatuation or inordinate affection and attachment at best. The guy may feel more appreciated or loved by his new paramour. As time and encounters go by he reinforces theses feelings by lavishing gifts and favors. I think it’s a power trip, as well as a control thing - something a man sometimes does when he feels he has been undermined in a relationship or situation, or when he senses the passion has died out in his current marriage.

Who’s the boss?

It can happen when both parties take one another for granted, and often enough, in today’s culture, the wife finds herself the dominate wage earner or may have a better position in the work force. Again this becomes hugely apparent in the exaggerated reality of celebrities lives; break-ups occur when one party becomes more successful than the other and one of them is caught cheating - it’s a compensation thing, I’m sure. I think it applies to ordinary couples as well. The cheating is a form of declaring one’s independence, while shirking responsibilty, as well as betraying commitment, all the while insisting that he loves his wife. It hurts the person one is having the affair with and it destroys families, while harming emotional and moral stability. It’s a moral dilemma, as such, it is not a ‘victimless crime’ and contributes to the further errosion of culture as well.

“I just want to have a good time!”

Ultimately, it boils down to men indulging the “joy of the will in natural goods” without directing and consecrating this joy to God. St. John of the Cross speaks indirectly of these things in “The Ascent of Mt Carmel” Book Three, Chapter 22. He likens this indulgence (by analogy, of infidelity) to drinking of the cup of the whore of Babylon when he asks;
“Who fails to drink little or much from the golden chalice of the Babylonian woman of the Apocalypse [Rev. 17:4]?

Going on to explain the harms that result;

“No matter how small the amount of this wine of joy, it immediately takes hold on the heart and subdues it, producing obscurity in the reason, as happens with those who get drunk from wine…
Spiritual weakness will augment and bring such evil on the soul that it will find itself a captive of its enemies, grinding at the mill like Samson with his eyes plucked out and the hair of his first strength cut. And afterward it (the soul) will perhaps die the second death as he (Samson) did together with his enemies.”

In the end, promiscuous behavior and infidelity become so habituated, that it may seem to be an addiction. Repentance followed by frequent confession, with prayer and the Eucharist are the steps one must take in order to amend one’s life and begin to repair the damage done to family and friends.

Art: Giotto’s allegory of “Infidelity” Scrovegni Chapel.

["If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right" - Lyrics, Barbara Mandrell, my favorite version sung by Luther Ingram.]

The community of believers were of one mind and one heart.

Not so much.  That verse from Acts is clearly not evident in the Christian community today, not even in our Catholic parishes.  Since that is the case, we certainly cannot be surprised at the lack of unity in the blog-o-sphere, amongst fellow Catholics, can we?  We all may be Catholics but we all sure seem to have different opinions about Catholic teaching.

Live and let live - it doesn’t affect me.

Having said that, many people struggle with very real issues concerning faith and morals and Church teaching.  For instance, I never gave abortion a second thought for a very long time - I wasn’t married, I wasn’t in a relationship, I wasn’t having sex - so the whole issue of contraception and abortion seemed not to apply to me.  I did indeed consider it a woman’s issue and therefore up to them.  I changed my mind when I saw that a fetus was really a baby and not just tissue, and that being ripped apart to remove from the mother’s womb was indeed murder.  Yet, before my discovery, I was still Catholic and going to daily Mass and Communion, all the while never giving the abortion holocaust a second thought.

Everyone is doing it.

An analysis of cohabitation, marriage and divorce data from 13 countries, including the United States, shows living together has become mainstream, USA Today reported. - Source 

It was the same thing with my friends who lived together without benefit of marriage.  They had been raised Catholic but no longer accepted Church teaching, some went to Mass and some did not.  Some even went to communal penance services.  Yes, I explained to them the need to go to one on one confession - but they disagreed.  I didn’t nag them, stand up on the couch and yell at them.  I pray for them.  They know how I believe and how I have accepted Church teaching - which at times seems to be in opposition to everything they believe in.  Each of us professes to be Catholic, and each of us go to our respective parishes for Mass.

Sin becomes virtue.

In the same way, contraception is practiced by many Catholic couples, as well as young Catholic single women, often encouraged by their Catholic moms.  Few people bat an eye over such a revelation, and non-Catholics definitely think contraception is just fine.  That said, how many today understand that before the pill became popular, contraception was a dirty word, a shameful practice?  And of course, abortion was once considered a heinous crime as well.  Legalization and popular opinion changed all of that… especially for Roman Catholics who follow their “conscience” in opposition to Church teaching.  Constant propaganda, political lobbying, and education has facilitated our moral decline.

Grassroots.

“We need to start with states where we have the best odds of winning. When we’ve won in a critical mass of states, we can turn to Congress and the federal courts.” - Source

Likewise, the same can be said for gay issues.  The most effective tactics for promoting the homosexual lifestyle is first of all increasing society’s awareness of the presence of gay people; “We are everywhere”.  Outing people and encouraging others to “come out” is fundamental here.  Then showing the “best side” of gay life is of prime importance in gaining acceptance and recognition.  Even homosexuals who decide to reform their lives and live according to Catholic teaching are frequently   encouraged to accept their orientation as a gift from God.  All of these attitudes work together to give the impression that homosexuality is a God-given natural variant of human sexuality.

It has been an erosion process.  A more or less quiet revolution that has been going on throughout the 20th century.  The true way has been made subject to contempt. - 2 Peter 2:2

Homily.

How long should a homily  be?  I read on another blog how a woman and her husband had to sit through a 40 minute homily  at Sunday Mass yesterday, without possibility of escape, since they were seated in the front row.  Not always, but sometimes newly ordained priests can be as long winded with their homilies as they are with the advice they offer in the confessional.  For some folks, it can be a bit too much to sort out after the dissertation is over, especially if they happen to be the impatient types.

While reading  Rorate Caeli  I noted Archbishop Malcolm Ranjith Patabendige had this to say concerning long homilies:

” As for the homilies, they must relate, as the Pope has underlined, exclusively to the catechetical aspect, avoiding sociologisms and useless chatter. For example, priests often veer towards politics because they have not prepared well the homily, which must, instead, be scrupulously studied. An excessively long homily is synonymous with a scarce preparation: the correct time for a sermon must be of 10 minutes, 15 at most. It must be acknowledged that the culminating moment of the celebration is the Eucharistic mystery, which does not mean downplaying the Liturgy of the Word, but clarifying how a correct liturgy must be applied.”

Looks like those who don’t like long homilies have friends in high places.  I wonder if the Pope could shorten up his?  Remember how JPII would go on and on? ;)
  

“Let’s start our own religious order!” 

In the old Bing Crosby musicals, down on their luck actors, unable to find a show, get together and say, “Hey!  Let’s put on a musical!”  And then you get “White Christmas” and everyone lives successfully ever after.

Sometimes it’s the same way with men and women who have wanted to enter religious life but find the decadence they encounter in certain religious orders not to their liking.  In some cases, they themselves have been rejected by a good community, yet they remain convinced they have a vocation.  “Hey!  Let’s start our own religious order!”

Anybody can go and be a hermit.

When I was testing my vocation in the early 1970’s I came across countless experimental religious orders.  Men intent upon reviving the original charism of the Franciscan order seemed to be the most prevalent.  Although I knew a Carmelite prioress who claimed to experience locutions and decided to finish the reform of St. Teresa of Avila by founding individual communities of hermits.

She moved from diocese to diocese, leaving a trail of one or two nuns behind in each foundation who remained autonomous - “idiorythmic” hermits if you will.  (Her moving around was not always voluntary.)  One such hermitage had only one sister hermit, but her newsletters asking for donations always were worded as if there was a vibrant community.  Sister would write things like, ”The sisters are remembering you in our monthly novena.”  What “sisters”?  There is no community there.

The funny thing about this is that many of these people left an established monastery because the particular community had so few vocations, or failed to meet their expectations in some way.  These founders intended  to go and renew, or “refound” the order the way it was supposed to be.  I’ve always been a little dubious about these “upstarts”.  Especially when they solicit funds for the “community”.  What community?

Let’s dress up like a monk.

Yesterday I heard of a group of men - a “new” order who seem to be falling apart.  Rumors, hearsay, and unverifiable facts about money and that “other” stuff, surround the group.  I can’t write about that.  Although I know a great deal about their origins and some former members of the community.  I never really believed they were “healthy” - even though they looked like good religious in their habits.  (Yes, the men were sincere though.)

What I know for a fact, whenever their fund-raising newsletter went out, communal spending went up.  Which caused me to wonder how they were any more observant of their vow of poverty than the order they hoped to renew was.  Their founder originally sought entrance into a new diocesan group on the East Coast in the 1970’s.  (That group, which rarely had one or two members, will soon die out as the founder is elderly and not in good health.)  The founder of the local group realized he could do the same thing in his own archdiocese, so he came back to start his own community.  His new group appeared more successful than the East Coast group, but today it may be crumbling.

Safety in numbers.

There are of course major new  religious groups, along with renewed  existing groups, and a few smaller communities, who have all the hallmarks of authenticity.  (Groups such as the Nashville Dominican Sisters, the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, the Hawthorne Dominicans, and so on.)  The main characteristic attesting to a particular group’s authenticity may be indicated by the numbers they attract to their respective congregations, as well as the approval they receive from the Holy See - not to mention a viable apostolate.

Not a few smaller groups have often been formed based upon the idiorythmic spirituality or “piety” of one person, just as major orders have often been formed in the past.  Thus the discernment process on the part of candidates can oftentimes be even more difficult.  Many times the new communities gradually adopt the exact same lifestyle as the orders they intended to re-found.  Though their community life can be observant as far as prayer and religious decorum, frequently they simply seem to imitate an archetype of an idealized religious life they understand from books and movies, and they become stagnant.  Instead of re-founding - they really just re-institutionalize themselves - hence they become as impotent as the orders they intended to do better than - or so it seems to me.

Is there an apostolate?

New forms of eremetic, monastic, and contemplative groups have mushroomed since the Council, while the revision of Canon Law once again allows for diocesan hermits.  Which means a few fervent souls went off to live as a hermit, one may even be living in an apartment complex near you.  The term hermit can be manipulated to mean anything you want it to mean.  Hence, the new contemplative groups, whether cenobitic or eremetic, can be unverifiable as to authentic charism.  (I’m not referring to daughter-houses established by existing monastic orders.)

On the other hand, communities with a genuine apostolate are fairly easy to recognize as either healthy or unhealthy.  The healthy communities normally demonstrate a clear purpose, while they successfully combine the contemplative life with the active life of the apostolate.  Their spirituality appears to be well integrated.

Religious life is a witness to the Gospel.

While reading Bl. Mother Teresa’s letters, I came across letters involving the difficulties she encountered in beginning the Missionaries of Charity.  Her Bishop took a very long time while he examined her case, insisting that he could not proceed hastily.  He explained that he needed certitude that it was truly God’s will because if it failed, it could be a source of scandal to the faithful, as well as disrupt, if not ruin the lives and vocations of the women who would enter the congregation in good faith.   

Religious life is a witness in the Church, therefore it is not something to play with, or attempt to recreate to suit one’s personal piety, or satisfy one’s desire for companions.

[Thanks to Jeffrey  for the beautiful photo.]

You say you want a revolution…

Everyone likes to blame the baby-boomers for all the liberalism we have become accustomed to in the Church today.  Few realize it all started long before the boomers were even capable of expressing a revolutionary thought.  How many young people today understand that the push for liturgical reform, modernizing the liturgy, and using the vernacular was a desire experimented with before the Council?  How many people realize that it was Pius XII who called for women religious to modify their habits to adapt to the demands of modern life, such as the nuns who drove cars or worked in medicine?  (Although later, many modified themselves out of the habit entirely.)

When I was in grade school, the nuns taught us - way back then - songs such as ”Kumbaya” - and we listened to the Congolese Missa Lubaand had to sing Negro spirituals.  (Although black kids in the class were disciplined until they spoke without an “accent”.)  I think it was probably the missionary sisters who came back to the motherhouse with stories of how fervent the African Catholics were, and how much the native people enlivened the liturgy with their exuberant participation and singing, which motivated the sisters to jump on board as regards the reform of the liturgy.  When Vatican II came along, it was a dream come true for a good share of them.

I di’n't know nothin’ ’bout Civil Rights.

Then in the very late 1950’s, early 1960’s the nuns began to get deeply involved in politics - in and through the Civil Rights movement.  (Of course, we had a Catholic President then as well.)  The nuns marched alongside priests and ministers, protesting segregation and demanding the right to vote for black people.  Without doubt it was a good thing, except, in the mid-’60’s the revolutionary spirit suddenly crept into the convent, along with a strong feminist understanding of power, individualism, and independence.  Which happens to be another reason why we have the American Catholic Church we have today.

“Yes Sister, whatever you say Sister!”

So don’t put all the blame on boomers - blame the Sisters of St. Joseph of Margaret Sanger, and the other storm trooperorders who taught us.  (After all, many of them were from the same generation as my parents and your grandparents.)  Funny, what they subsequently failed to realize, their habits spoke louder than words.

(Disclaimer:  The religious women who taught us are to be highly praised for their sacrifice and dedication, no doubt about it.  Just as they ought to be commended and honored for their heroic work in the Civil Rights struggle.  This has been my personal reflection on what, in part,  may have contributed to the decline of religious life in the U.S., as well as an offering towards understanding why the American Catholic Church got to be so liberal.) 

[Update: 7/31/07 - I just found a post at Cafeteria is Closed on this subject; an article by Benedict Groeschl in First Things, discussing the theological and psychological dynamics at work in the decline of established religious communities in the U.S..]